A
female
age
30-35,
*ushyP
writes:This is quite long, but I really need help so please read it!I am from the UK and live with my strict Indian family. My boyfriend of 1 and a half years was caught with me by my parents a couple of months ago. At first they told me that they woould try to get to know him and see why I fell in love with him. However, as time has gone on it has become increasingly clear that all my parents are tring to do is make me break up with him, purely because I am hindu and he is muslim! They are more concerned about their reputation within the community and not about my feelings! And what makes matters worse is they keep telling me that my 2 brothers won't find good wives because our family reputation will be ruined.After my parents realised that I was serious about my boyfriend, they took me on holiday to Thailand for 2 weeks. At first I thought the trip was to make amends and for us to get a better understanding of how each of us felt. But to my horror it was nothing like that. They constantly fought with me and my dad slapped me on the face numerous times. He even told me that he would rather marry me off to some Indian, hindu man then let me ruin his reputation. And that if I thought of leaving my family, he would ruin my life.I am still with my boyfriend and am really considering moving on with my life ... and that means leaving my family. I am just not sure whether I am making the right decision, mostly because I am scared of my father and what he would do if he ever found me once I have moved out.
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fell in love, moved out, muslim, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MushyP +, writes (23 October 2012):
MushyP is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't move out in the end! Its much harder then you think, but honestly if you think you are ready try and if you can leave all the people who love you behind than do it! I couldn't because I loved my grandmother too much to put that kind of stress on to her! Also if you have converted to Muslim for him, maybe he isn't the one for you! My boyfriend's family have asked me to convert, but he is the one who tells them that if they love him they would accept me for the Hindu women I am! You are also very young like myself, and my best advice to you would be to really think things through! You are 18 so you have a good 3 years at uni, where you can live out and be with your boyfriend as your parents can't say anything to that as they will not know! After uni I would look into how you feel, you still have alot of growing to do as a person, and it really comes down to whether you feel that you can grow with him and become dependent on him or grow as a person independent of him. I have seen my best friend grow up with her boyfriend, and he doesn't treat her right, but she can't let him go because she doesn't know who she is without him. I don't want that to happen to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): Hey! I am stuck in the exact situation as you. I am 18 years old and i have a muslim boyfriend. I even converted to a muslima. but now my parents found out, they don't accept it. I come from a hindu family and its frustrating how many hindus dislike muslims. They have many stereotypes against them and trying to keep me away from my boyfriend. I know my parents have raised me and have done so much for me, but I only ask them for one final thing and that is to accept my muslim boyfriend and i feel that i should just go live with my boyfriend but I don't know how to leave my family. they are also worried about their damn reputation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): I know sometimes you need to take measures you never wished you never wished you did..
Try talking to your parents one last time,being an indian myself I know even talking to them is scary cause they just wouldn't listen..!
Not that they don't keep us happy they do,they provide us with everything but that one thing that we want the most,the love,the life partner we are going to be with,why can't we make the choice..
How are you going to work this out?move in with your boyfriend?what have you thought?
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A
female
reader, MushyP +, writes (24 August 2012):
MushyP is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help.
I can tell you that I will be moving out and leaving my family. Its a hard thing to do as I still love them but I have come to realise that they will never forgive me for my one mistake. They only seem to think about themselves, and their reputation. At the end of the day you have to think about who you are living your life for... yourself or your parents.
P.S. my boyfriend and his family are by my side 100% of the way. Its weird how a strict muslim family can accept their sons' hindu girlfriend, but it doesn't work the other way round!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): I can totally understand your situation,cause I have been through this..Here's the thing I believe in love in the insituition of marriage but I don't believe in 'arrange marriages'I respect my parents and I have obediently abided all their rules BUT I don't think when it comes to marriage they should pick my husband,its not a game finally we have to live with them not them!I don't want to hold anyone responsible god forbid if marriage fails,if I pick a man and I get married to him I have taken the responsibilty of the marriage and have noone to blame..unlike you I haven't really found the guy that I would fight with my family for,but I know for sure in the near future if I truly fall in love then I will fight for my love..Forcing you to get married to a hindu or someone they pick will not only ruin your life but also the guy your getting married to...Do you have the support of your boyfriends parents??can they talk to your parents?I also used to think at somepoint to pick the love of my life I might have to just leave home,and used to wonder what my dad would do to me but then I think the person I love will stand by me and protect me thru this..I understand those traditions and customs where families don't care about their daughters lifes they just want to have a good name and reputation..its crazy!!and I feel for you cuz believe you me I know I will go through this at some point in my life..All you can do now,is talk to your boyfriend,or his parents or ask your parents to give you some more time to think..just try and buy time..But most importantly you need to be really sure of this guy because if you go against your family and live with this guy god forbid if anything happens who will you turn to?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): As a Brit Indian myself, I feel I should answer this question. Although I understand your frustrations, please don't run off and be with your BF. Your family has raised you , and perhaps quite well and you probably dont have any material needs or wants becuase they have provided so well. Why would you want to destroy that? I'm sure that if you met and fell for a man they could find acceptable, they would be more accepting. Please consider that as an alternative. .
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