A
male
age
36-40,
*ustaGuy
writes:Hi Aunts My relationship with my has always been very on/off. We have both just graduated and she had previously broken up with before over the summer. I was totally destroyed and spent my whole summer trying desperatly to get over her. We got talking again and we got back together - for a few weeks life was amazing again. Then 3 months ago she again broke up with me out of the blue. She said very hurtfull things on the phone and I'm still angry at her for that. She suffered from depression and as she put it had an 'unstable character'. Sometimes she was romantic and caring, others she seemed not to care for me in the slightest.Now to the present. We hav'nt spoken for 3 months and then a week ago I got an email and text asking for another chance. She apologised and said she was'nt doing it on purpose, its just her character. She says she is better now.What should I do? I hav'nt replied yet. I do still care for but its seems a carbon copy of the two breakups before. She claims to now know "what she wants". I will be attending an event in a couple of weeks which she will be at - and no doubt bump into her. Do I give her a chance? I dont want her to think she can get away with treating me like crap only for me to return to her!
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (19 January 2008):
 Hi JustaGuy,
As you put it "My relationship with my has always been very on/off" and "she had previously broken up with before over the summer" and "then 3 months ago she again broke up with me out of the blue".
So what makes you think it's going to be any different this time? Personally, I think you're best off out of this one and find yourself someone who appreciates you.
"I was totally destroyed and spent my whole summer trying desperatly to get over her"
So, in addition to breaking up, the volatile and unstable nature of the relationship, the anger and the hurt you keep having to go through, I would have to question why you put yourself through this?
Take a look: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-my-ex-back-do-i-get.html
Best of luck :)
A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (18 January 2008):
JustaGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I do still have feelings for her, when it was good is It was amazing. I really dont know whether to give it another go, I think about her a lot. I just cant be sure she's changed, maybe she has.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): If you want to risk it, you could maybe say yes but this is your final chance. Tell her what you will and will not accept, and follow it through if she acts the 'wrong' way again.
You may also wish to suggest she gets some help with her depression.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (17 January 2008):
Hi JustaGuy,
When she says "She suffered from depression and as she put it had an 'unstable character'" and when you say "sometimes she was romantic and caring, others she seemed not to care for me in the slightest" I get the impression something isn't quite right.
I had a similar realtionship with my EX where we broke up a few times and always got back together until one day I had enough and left her.
Perhaps your EX is scared to be alone and wants that stability, safety and security of being in a relationship. Perhaps she just cannot let herself be happy?
When she says "she was'nt doing it on purpose, its just her character" she could possibly have, and I don't like saying this, a personality disorder of some sort? I know it sounds horrible. My EX showed STRONG signs of borderline personality disorder, I did some research just on the internet and found it was uncannily similar, I also read a couple of books on it.
However, whether this is the case or not, if this "seems a carbon copy of the two breakups before" then YOU have to ask YOURSELF are YOU happy with the relationship? How long are YOU going to put up with this uncertainty?
It may well be a case of 3rd time lucky and she might really know what she wants now and you both may well be together and not have these issues going forward. It all depends on how YOU feel about her.
When you say "I do still care for her" I get the impression your feeling aren't that strong for her anymore (but this is only my interpretation).
Ok, "she claims to now know 'what she wants'" so ask her... What does she want? If you want to try again, I think, you need to put your foot down and say to her you want to be with her but you cannot put up with this breaking up and getting back together.
"Do I give her a chance? I dont want her to think she can get away with treating me like crap only for me to return to her!"
I'm afraid only you can decide this. Personally if, as you put it, she treats you like "crap", do you really want to continue with it? It might sound selfish but at the end of the day you need to consider YOUR own feelings and what YOU want.
"I got an email and text asking for another chance"
I have to say, she sounds a bit immature in communicating her feelings to you by email and text messages. Perhaps this is normal these days? To a certain extent it also seems like she's playing stupid games to me (but hey, you know her better than I do).
In summary, and this is only my opinion, it depends on how STRONG your feelings really are for her. What do YOU want from this? YOU could give her the benefit of the doubt and give her one more chance. Personally, I don't think you sound right for each other and you should move on and find someone who appreciates you as you are. Again, this is only my opinion.
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