A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,So I dated a guy about 3 years back. I knew him through his brother. We started talking a lot on Facebook and there was a connection. He's older by 15 years which didn't bother me as we got along and we had fun. We dated for about a year. Feelings were developing and yes I was falling in love. Whenever I said I needed more like a relationship he became paranoid kind of. Kept saying he was "content" in his life with the way things were. He worked a lot too which we seen eachother sometimes twice a week to twice a month depending on his schedule which was fine with me. I began pulling away because he said a lot of really positive things early on about us. I live about an hour from him and he would say "you have to move here because I work and my life is here" he acted like he could see a future with us. The sex was great, we had amazing chemistry. After I pulled away I went back to college spent my time trying to get over him but it never quite worked. He was always there in the back of my mind. He continued emailing me saying he wanted to see me, and that he felt he cared for me, and missed me. I kept waiting for him to say "I'm ready, I'm ready for you, I'm ready for us". Then recently we've been communicating more he did ask me what I wanted between us. I replied, I need more then what you were able to give to me before. He replied. "That's why I kept asking to see you to see where we went". Do u think he really feels something and is just scared? He had a bad experience before and he lived with someone and she cheated on him. Or is he just out to "have some fun with someone younger? I'm thinking maybe he has a mixture and some commitment issues. Down deep though I know he cares for me a lot. What should I do? Give it a go? Or say no?
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female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (2 May 2012):
 I agree completely with YouWish.
1.Do u think he really feels something and is just scared?
No, I think he misses you but as YouWish said he only wants a part time relationship and doesn't want to commit to you. I think he is trying to lead you on to get you back in his life but has no plans to make you a part of his life.
2.What should I do? Give it a go? Or say no?
I would say to move on and find someone who is ready to commit to you. Three years is a long time to play the waiting game.
Again I would like to repeat what Youwish said, unless he actually says something (or any guy for that matter)....don't assume he thinks a certain way.
Good Luck and don't let someone play with you like a toy!
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 I think age has nothing to do with this. He was content to have a part time relationship, and he likes having you around, but wasn't interested in the relationship's progression.
He wants you to move where he is, but what about his moving to where you are? That's just it -- this whole thing is on his terms. That's why he keeps asking you even though he knows what the answer is.
Never assume that he acts like he sees a future with you unless he says something to that affect. That's like saying "He acts like he loves me" when he's never said it.
I think the time has come not to sit back and wait for him to say what you want to hear. Tell him what *you* want out of a relationship. His past hurts are irrelevant to you. His age difference is irrelevant to being in a relationship. If he's only wanting casual fun, then there's no changing him. You have to decide whether you can live with casual no strings attached fun, or a relationship. If you want more than he is willing to give, you might have to come to grips with the fact that he might not be the one for you.
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