| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: if you finally start talking with an ex again but he isn't ready to be in a relationship again---is it ALWAYS black and white that they just don't want to be with you? I did ask him very direct questions and made direct comments of how maybe he is just trying to be this "nice guy" and doesn't want to say that he just doesn't want me. And he said that isn't exactly right b/c if it was about me then he would be seeing someone already or looking.We have been having nice conversations but in terms of us seeing each other he said let him get his head together. Do i give him the benefit of the doubt and give him time? Be nice in the phone calls and keep them short and hope for the best?In the meantine i would keep busy. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 April 2010):
Leave the ex well in the past. He's made it clear that he's not really interested, so the best thing you can do is leave him in the past and move on. You could be waiting forever for him to change or make his mind up. And there is no guarantee he ever will. He is an ex, which means there were problems before. The same problems will still be there. Its time to move on.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 I have been in the same exact situation. You need to stop talking to him. As the last poster said, he probably likes you waiting and he is unlikely to change anything. Why would he? He knows you are going to be there. I'm not saying it is black and white, he didn't say he didn't want to be with you. Just as my once again boyfriend did. He would say he doesn't want to date others and he just has to figure shit out... I waited around for a bit until my self esteem couldnt take it anymore. I went back into the dating world somewhat, he knew about it, felt I would actually move on, and came back. Either way it is the best way to go- you moving on. He may come back because he can't lose you, or you may actually get to move on. You waiting for him is doing nothing but making you look desperate and easily available. You want what you can't have, but he knows he can have you whenever he wants. Stop calling him. When he texts or calls, if you can't ignore it, don't answer right away. Let him know he isn't your whole life. Just do your own thing and move on. If he comes back to you then you can decide if you still want him, if he doesn't then it's a damn good thing you didn't waste your time waiting on him. Cause if this doesn't get him back, nothing will, especially not talking about it constantly.
...............................
A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 I don't think its a matter of "giving him the benefit of the doubt" or not. You know, and he has confirmed, that he doesn't want to be with you right now. That much is clear. If I were you, I wouldn't feed my hope with his maybes. Tell him, once his mind is "around" it, he can try and pursue you again, but until then, you both need time apart. This gives you a little power.
If you think you are doing yourself (and your hopes) a favor by continuing to talk to him and accept his toying with the idea of getting back together, I think you're being a bit naive. Either you are actively working on issues with the definite mutual goal of getting back together, or he's enjoying the concept of you waiting for him. If he's enjoying it, he's unlikely to make the first move to change anything.
Unless of course you don't mind having a vague half-relationship. Sometimes its not all bad! So long as you are really keeping your options open as well. You really shouldn't be sitting there just hoping he comes around, spending time talking to him, while he keeps telling you "maybe". Eventually, you might find it humiliating.
Good luck to you, hope you get what you want soon!
...............................
|
