A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:First of all, sorry for my english, I am not a native speaker.So I was seeing this girl for some months (september to december) and we had such a great time together. It never got into a serious relationship. Probably I was not ready for that, and she thought I didn't wanted anything serious. But I really cherish her and the time we were spending together.Afterwards, feelings started to burst and I was getting ready to ask her for something more. In the meantime, she tells me that she has been talking with her ex (who lives in another country) and she decided to go visit him to give it another chance (he asked her to go for this visit. Anyway, they live in different countries and they have a lot of obstacles ahead), putting me in the friend zone. Anyway, we still had something for a few more times after telling me about her trip. Then we met again after me going for holidays, and nothing happens then. I ask her about it. Tell her that i really like her. She says she is sorry for hurting my feelings and that she really likes me, adding 'let's see what happens in the future', but that she made this decision of visiting him in an emotional moment and the trip plan is already made. I cannot just ask her not to go so I let it be, thinking maybe they decide to come back together or maybe they realice that is not going anywhere.Now she is visiting this ex and I am all desperate. We broke up contact since she went visiting.Should wait for her and see what happens?Ask her for giving us a chance after she comes back?Should I gave up on this girl?
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broke up, different countries, her ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 April 2017):
 Well keep us updated. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2017): Ok, I got what you mean, fair enough. About the doubts, she herself admitted to have them. And every single person I tell the story says to me that this thing with the ex is not going to work. Going back to an ex, in the distance, going through all this trouble to go where he is, which is not that easy, having still something with somebody else... doesn't really look that good. Will this idea vanish? maybe. Might happen? maybe. Should I just move on in no matter if it happens or not? probably. But something tells me this is not over yet.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (6 April 2017):
Well then don't give up and I will no doubt speak to you on here again in the future when you are left hurt and confused. Because that is what will happen, she has choose to be with her ex. A kiss and holding hands sounds like a goodbye, so don't read in to it and mistake it for her having doubts.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2017): The thing is that when we met I saw that she has still doubts and still had feelings for me. Why the holdings hands huging and a kiss then? So thats why is being so hard. Don't feel everything is lost. Plus distant relationships always faced weak links at some point. I mean, there is not much I can do by now, Dont want to be pushy but don't feel like giving up either, don't want to have false hope but the doors are not completely closed...
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (5 April 2017):
What can you do? She has made her choice and she has choose her ex not you. The only thing that you can do is accept that and move on from her. Will it be hard? Yes it will. But you will get their.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017): OK so this is what happened after we met:
-She told me is back with the ex. She seemed very convinced about it. The trip worked well She will try to go to his country to study something but won't be so easy for her. It is not so clear that they can reunite in short term. Anyway, she told me for me is better to move on.
-Then I told her that I still really like her and that I don't want to interfere in this but still open for her. We talked about our time together and we got a bit emotional and I think she still has feelings for me. At the end of the night we hug, and hold hands, and share a kiss, and had the feeling everything is not lost.
Don't know what to do know to be honest
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2017): No progress so far.
She just told me yesterday she is back. but i don't know the outcome of her trip with the ex. I still want to try out, don't know exacatly how to approach. i am really in love with her so i'll ask her to meet and i will tell her how i feel, but she will proably need some time.
let's see
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 March 2017):
Any progress on your story?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): Thanks for your replies!I think I will play it cool by now and wait for her to come back. I don't want to stay around for long, so I'll ask her out when the moment comes and see what happens.It was my mistake not to ask her to get serious after seeing each other for some time and I regret it, but I cannot come back to that. I feel she would had say yes back then. About telling her about not going for this trip I found it a bit stupid since it was already arranged. I just told her 'I wish you don't have to go' kind of stuff. She already knows I am up for being with her, so at the end she has to do or be with whoever she wants. I think the relationship with this ex finished because he had to come back to his country. Yes, he was lurking around and she fell fot it. Anyway, they cannot be together in the same place and this is not going to change, so I don't see many chances for them to stay together.Will they try to be together despite the distance? Well then I won't stick around for long. But if she still likes me and realices she has better chances with me, well then... I do feel there might be a future for us YES, but making it clear she cannot be around with the ex anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017): I think what happened was she realized you didnt want anything serious and you werent in love with her. Thus her feelings for you began to die, and she started to remember a man who DID love her at one time. Now that you might lose her you suddenly realize your feelings. But now it is probably too late as she already knows yoy mostly viewed her as a casual fling. She wants a passionate love who is crazy about her withoutt
Trying to think about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 March 2017):
 Personally ? I'd move on and find someone who IS totally single and available. She isn't. That ex-bf was "lurking" in the background while she was seeing you. She was probably still talking to him and missing him, so you were somewhat of a rebound or "confidence booster".
Go on about your life. Who knows HOW many times she and her ex-bf will break up and decide to try again? Are you ready to be her go-to guy for when the EX-bf doesn't think they can work out?
Seems to me that she LIKES you, but not enough to drop the ex-bf but enough to want to keep you as a "spare" in case the ex-bf and her doesn't work out.
I'd want more than that. So I'd look elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 March 2017):
 Definitely don't give up yet. However, don't fall into the trap of being "the other man" either if she has got back together with her ex.
If you were sure of your feelings towards this girl, you SHOULD have asked her not to go to see her ex. However, I suspect that, despite your age, you are still "not ready" to commit. You need to ask yourself why.
Keep in contact with her if you feel there may be a future for the two of you, and keep lines of communication open. You have told her how you feel so it is now up to her to make a decision.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017): She doesn't know what she wants... or maybe you were in a rebound relationship. Wait for her to come back from that trip and play it cool.
Why did they break up in the first place?
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