A
female
age
30-35,
*essica89
writes:I have been dating my current boyfriend for about six months now, and I feel no closer to him now than I did at the beginning. I have been in a serious relationship before of two years, and was cheated on, but our relationship was so strong and even at four months with that guy, I felt closer than I do now (at six months) with my current boyfriend. I don't know if I expect too much, but he just doesn't treat me the way I think I deserve to be treated. When I'm upset and want to talk, he gets mad and puts me down which causes me to feel worse than I already did. I am his first girlfriend; he used to be a huge womanizer. This causes me to get very jealous and always worry if he is going to find someone better. I get upset when he goes out, and when he doesn't want to hang out with me. I love spending time with him, and it's not a mutual thing. When we do hang out, we don't cuddle. We don't have meaningful conversations. He makes strong sexual comments about girls we see on TV (which really shouldn't bother me, but it does!). He isn't affectionate at all, and I need that. I think every girl needs that to some extent. I used to be the most confident girl in the world until I started hanging around him. I constantly feel like I want to cry. We have broken up before, and in order to get me back he told me he loved me for the first time. Its not something he says to me now, just around that time. I am an idiot for getting back with him, but I think I love him. I have no idea why. We have very similar senses of humor, but I can't think of why else we are together. He doesn't say cute things, never compliments me, doesn't take me out on dates, and doesn't talk to me. There are times I have to actually force him to have sex with me too, which makes me feel awful. Every time I try to break up with him, he calls me 'fucking annoying' and 'immature' and thinks I'm just doing it for attention. I'm not though, I really don't think I can go on like this. He thinks he is doing nothing wrong and is so happy, while I'm over here completely crushed all of the time. Am I overreacting? Do I expect too much? I am so confused and keep blaming myself, I have never felt this low. All I want is him to love me the way I love him.
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female
reader, amazonlady  +, writes (14 December 2009):
i think you expect to be treated with respect, love and affection - to name but a few things which one should receive in a relationship, so no, you are not expecting too much.
You are not wrong for wanting these things from him and as his role as your boyfriend, he should be giving you these things happily and not destroying your confidence.
He is not making you happy and although it is hard, it is probably better to end it now, rather than investing any more emotional and physical time with him.
You deserve better and as you said before, you were very confident before, so in time you will gain that back and be happy again, because at the moment are you not.
I know sometimes when you have strong feelings for someone, logic doesn't always prevail, but you must do this for yourself as deep down you know you should be treated better and you will find that. When you do, you'll look back and be so proud of yourself for breaking away. However, if you do break up, you must mean it, if you later get back together, your word will carry no weight and after time he will revert back to treating you like he is now as he knows he can get away with it as you will put up with it.
Be prepared that he may contact you like he did before and declare his love for you etc, but remember, actions speak louder than words and he had his chance.
Do not let him drain you anymore.
Good luck xx
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 December 2009):
 Re-read your post and I think you already know the answer. Key points:1. You dont feel close to him2. He treats you badly3. You have nothing to talk about, your not affectionate with each other and you have to force him to have sex with you4. He makes you feel insecure, jealous and you are nothing like the person you used to beOverall, it is pretty clear that THIS MAN DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY!! And I very much doubt that you actually love him - I mean if the only good thing in your relationship is a similar sense of humour then what on earth do you actually love about him?I reckon that you have come out of that 2 year relationship (which you clearly regard as a good relationship until he cheated) and he cheated on you, so you were hurt and wanting to find someone to love you. This guy will have been one of the first to come along and you went along with it because you didnt want to be alone. Now you have convinced yourself you love him when in reality this is not love, it is not even close to being in love.When you love someone, they love you and you have a good relationship - you are both happy, you bring out the best in each other, you make each other feel better when you are feeling sad, sex is great and you want each other, you want to go out together and share new experiences, you have long, deep and meaningful conversations......the list could go on and on but it just shows that what I have described is the complete opposite to the relationship you have right now.At the end of the day this guy doesnt give you what you want - his wants/needs from a relationship dont match yours. There is no way around this - you are just not compatible. He doesnt treat you the way you want to be treated and he thinks you just nag him and are immature. You are too different and want different things, I dont think anything can be done to make you happy in this relationship.I suggest you end this now, you are not happy so there is no point in dragging this on any longer. Once you have ended things just spend some time alone, like a good few months being single. Get used to your own company, find out what makes you happy and just learn to be happy alone. Once you are happy alone then it is much easier to be happier in a relationship - after all, if you cant make yourself happy, then how can you expect anyone else to make you happy?I hope this helps and good luck!
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