A
male
age
41-50,
*aptj
writes:I met my boyfriend about 8 months ago. We started out really well and still doing great but lately some things have been bothering me. I don't know if I'm just insecure or there is something I should be concerned about.Before we became serious with each other, we've talked about a lot of things. Straight to the point, he was the type that went from relationship to another. He told me, he made a lot of mistakes in his past. I told him that the past is past. You can always start fresh. And he said to me that he wants a stable relationship and wants to "settle down".My concerns all started about 3 months ago up until that point, I had complete trust on him and never did I waiver in my belief of what he said to me about having a stable relationship/"settling down" (maybe I was just lovestruck and it blinded me from the obvious signs) :(We were out in a restaurant when it was time to pay the tab. I forgot my cellphone in the car which I use to calculate tips. His phone was on the table, face down, when I tried to grab it to use his tip calculator. He became very defensive of his phone. He snatched it really quickly before I got to it and asked me what I wanted. I said I want to use the tip calculator. He said, "OK" but he gave the phone to me with the tip calculator program already on(like he didn't want me navigating his phone).After that, I try to tease/test him by trying to take his phone and every time I try to, even without the intention of looking into his call logs and messages. He becomes very defensive about it.Ever since I met him, he always checks his phone every so often but that didn't bothered me one bit until he became defensive. I know he has a lot of friends and he goes out clubbing all the time, 2-4 times a week.I keep telling him, I don't have problems with him going out but he shouldn't be coming home around 3 or 4 in the morning and if he wants to drink, to limit it to 1-3 drinks... nothing more. We go out together every week when I'm down there at his area. (We are kind of in a long distant relationship, he's about 1hr30mins away from me but he can't visit me because of car problems.)I even told him, going out with his exes(they still remain friends) doesn't bother me at all. And that I trust him that he won't hurt me.There was one time where I finally got a hold of his phone while he was in the bathroom. And he told this person that, "he should help him relax" and this other guy he was texting responded "how do we propose on doing this?" and this conversation happened around close to 1am... At first, I brushed it off as a joke between friends but every time I am remembered of that text(which is like all the time and it's been 2 weeks since I've read it), it starts eating me up and I feel like I'm being used, played out, tricked out. :(I don't want to confront something if this was all harmless fun, I don't want to create drama for something that I maybe be perceiving incorrectly but I also don't want to be naive, cheated, tricked out...I know that when I will confront him about this, I won't have any proof that any of those words he will say will be lies or truth and that's the part that's eating me up. I may have been played out or it was all just harmless fun.T_T- Torn :(
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male
reader, rivi +, writes (13 June 2010):
You can't calculate 10% and then add on a bit without a calculator ?
Yes you do need to have the conversation and if it's essential to you that he does not see other boys then you need to split. Things have to be clear.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): From my experience with my partner hiding his phone was a very big and bad warning sign to me. We r breaking up now because of his communication with other girls. However when i checked i had proper proof. If i was you i wouldnt confront him now. I would wait a bit longer and see if Ii find any really inappropriate texts. that could have just been a strange guy joke. good luck
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A
female
reader, tss18 +, writes (13 June 2010):
 yes you should but do so calmly so no violence happens. hiding your phone like that is a big flag. my boyfriend used to do that all the time and he wasnt cheating just talking to other girls, which is still wrong.i ended it but we made up like the next day and he stopped with all the other girls and were still together and that was 2 years ago, so if you confront him maybe he will stop and realize what he is going to lose if he continues this behavior. goodluck.
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