A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, hopefully you can help me with this problem I've been having.I've been in a relationship with this girl for over 4 years and we love one another a lot. I have been hurt very badly in the past and as such put up some barriers with this relationship. A combination of this and a few other circumstances led my girlfriend in to depression for the past 2 years and it has been straining to say the least!A few months ago she started taking some anti depression pills and since then has been really happy, she is like a changed person. Around the same time, I decided it was time to commit properly, finally realising some of the things I'd been doing were not helping my gf.Now here's the thing, since these two things coincided, everything has gone wrong for me, I feel anxious about her and what she is doing, she sees friends a lot more and despite knowing this is because she is happier in herself, I feel that now I am spiralling in to a depression. This has been going on for about a month. Yesterday, she left her facebook on and like an idiot, I looked through her messages. There was one guy in particular she was speaking to, the conversation was basically him, flirting outrageously with her, she is not really reciprocating for the most of it, but is still talking to him nonetheless. Later in the conversation, it turns out she went out for drinks with him (and others) and the conversation goes slightly differently. Although it is certainly not incriminating, she does ask him if he fancies her and she is saying he was pinching her bum etc. This guy is clearly good at flirting etc and I'm worried my girlfriend will do something with him (despite no evidence to say she will). One part of the conversation which really bothered me, was him looking for a compliment and her saying "you have a nice face" to which he responds with the same.My two questions are: Do I confront her about this guy? Or is it just harmless flirting?Secondly, how can I get over these trust issues, I feel like I am losing my mind, I am considering going to the doctors to get some similar pills for depression.Any thoughts?
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 Hi,You've been together with your girlfriend the past 4 years. You've been there for her, supported, etc. I think you have the right to ask her if something is bothering you. I don't blame you for feeling a little uncomfortable about the situation. Any person in your position would. It's doesn't matter whether this is only a friend, and unharmful flirting, what mattes is that you don't like it, makes you unhappy, and think it's unappropriated. I wouldn't approve, either. Ask her, but keep in mind that this need to be a peaceful conversation. Don't accuse, or get mad at her. Ask, and explain how this make you feel. I hope you can talk to your girlfriend in civil matter, hope she understands you, and hope she stop flirting with this guy. I hope you feel better soon. Good luck
A
female
reader, Sinful_thinker89 +, writes (19 September 2011):
 So first I think that you should confront her, I mean if she gets mad then you have something to worry about really but if she apologizes and you two discuss it then I wouldn't care too much. You have to realize depression is no joke and for her to have been in that mode for 2 years and coming out of it, is like actually waking up to a good life. Be happy for her. Let her know how you feel without making it sound like an arguement
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