A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I've been seeing this girl for a few months and we have a lot in common. We knew from the first day we met that we'd probably end up really liking each other. A couple weeks ago I stayed over at her place and we went out to breakfast the next day with a friend of hers. In the car after breakfast she asked me if there was ever a time I thought she didn't like me. She told me she really did like me. Well after that day it seems like she's been avoiding me. She's doing things like changing her name on her voice mail and not returning my calls. I saw her a few days ago and she was really upset that her grandmother, who is pretty much her mom, went on vacation for a month. She seemed really down about it and was ready to jump on a plane to be with her. Well we hung out for a while then after I left she's been avoiding me again. I haven't done anything to change her mind about me. The thing is I know she suffers from depression and has tried to commit suicide in the past. Some things like that we have in common. Also, it's starting to seem like this girl is a complete nut. And she's avoiding having a conversation with me about being more than friends. Up until a couple weeks ago I thought I was falling in love with this girl, which is not something that happens often with me. I'm really protective of myself. Do you think I should let this go or try to confront her about it? Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Hi ....i have been in this situation for around oh prolly 4 months now i am totally head over heals in love with this girl i am best friends with and she does the same thing one minute she will be all about us and all about letting things out in the open and then the very next day something else has got her attention and shes back to the bottled up self she used to be...i have waited on this girl for all of the four months hoping that the slightest change will occur and one night when we went to the club and i ended up going home with her it did ...yes we both beyond drunk but we had a conversation that i cant even begin to explain the depth of....most likely this girl is having some issues of her own and trying to figure them out whether it be past or present you cant give up on her but you cant smother her either just check up on her every now and then and make sure shes ok and remind her if she ever needs a shoulder to cry on your there for her....you cant rush love and you cant push people to love you....you just have to be the best person you know how to be and eventually they will realize how big of a loss you are if they dont open their eyes.....since our long conversation i have never been more worried about this girl but it feels as if im part of her now and she cant let me go.... i would wait an enternity for her to come around and from the sounds of it you might wait a while to ....we cant rush them into opening up to us...we just have to be there when they need us and let them know we are the best thats going to be there....thats really weird to because the girl im talking about was also raised by her grandma and shes very close to her as well....ne ways regardless of how hard it is to have patience with them we must try....its worth it end the end dear i promise!
much love
meforu
A
female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (19 December 2007):
 Tough situation.
From what you have said i would have a few hesitations about getting involved. One being the games she playing with changing her voice mail and making you call her. The second is her attachment issues with her grandmother. You said it yourself that your starting to think shes a big of a nut, i think that is telling you something. As for trying to talk to her, you can't talk to someone that doesn't wish to talk, in that case you have to respect her wishes. I guess it really depends on how you feel and what you want from a relationship. Sometimes you can meet someone very interesting only for it not to be the right timing. I think she needs to work through some of her issues...
Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk too, i can provided the ultimate out side perspective.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Well she has gotten professional help and is on medication. And I do care about her, I just don't know how to talk to someone who isn't talking back. Today I sent her a message saying "you really need to call me back because I have a few things I want to say and I know you do too." Should I just leave it alone now and wait? Because she's never been one to call me. She has a few times but she always tells me to call her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Getting involved with a girl who suffers from depression and has to tried to commit suicide...that's a total big time RED FLAG, DARK RED FLAG!!! This girl needs professional help for herself before pursuing in getting involved in a relationship.
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A
male
reader, gandalf  +, writes (16 December 2007):
I think I have a similar problem to you met this girl got on great and then she changed. We had kissed and almost made love although id stopped myself as it was too early.Then the guy she was seeing had her done for drink driving and she became depressed. Her partner had died leaving her with two kids and so I think shed battled depression for a while as any woman would under those circumstances.She began to rant and rave at me for no obvious reason (except I was male) and I felt like an emotional punchbag as if I was to blame when Id done nothing wrong.She also seemed to be self harming.after about five months she seems to have come through things and is more like the girl I first knew. she claims she wants a fresh start for our friendship just wants to be mates but still flirts with me.I dont know where we are going either mate all I know is depression is an illness most of their behaviour isnt meant and they do not realise how much they are hurting you Im sure but there will be moments when they show real remorse and that is the genuine person u fell for.I guess it depends how special she is I was worse because I didnt give her much space id advice you to leave her alone she will contact you when she has dealt with things just reassure her that you are there.As for me Id welcome advice on how you cope with fancying a friend
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A
female
reader, Oddball.x  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 I think you should comfront her about it.But if she keeps avoiding you, then go for somebody who will actually appreciate you.Hope it helps.x
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