A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband is having an affair. Do I confide in his sister? His sister is 10 years older and raised him. She knows him the best and I think it would bring me a lot of comfort. I don’t expect her to take my side as this is his family. I also normally wouldn’t share personal relationship problems with our family but I am desperate. Is this a good or bad idea? Eventually, if we don’t work things out, I would tell them the reason, but we haven’t gotten there yet.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2019): Bad idea.Until you decide what you want to do - stay or divorce, do not say a word.I wouldn't tell my friends, let alone my husband's family. She is HIS sister and she will always put him first. If he were to leave you, she might feel sorry or think that you were good together, but she would take his side.Maybe she already knows and simply doesn't want to get involved - and rightly so. This is between you and your husband. Why are you desperate? Are you financially dependent on him and have no real family or friends? You need to decide what you want and then talk to your husband. There's one thing you should however keep in mind, he is capable of lying to you and telling you what you want to hear. So you really need to be sure of what you want.Also, if by any chance you are dependent on him, you should work towards being independent, because cheaters sometimes leave their accommodating wives. No matter how sweet and loving you are, your husband will do what he wants to do. If he decides to leave, he will do so, even if you pretend that he's not cheating. That is why you must decide what to do. Personally, I would leave him. Cheaters cheat. I don't know why he married someone he would cheat on, but he did. Sometimes people get married or chose a partner they feel comfortable with and then at some point start looking for something else.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 August 2019):
 I wouldn't until you decide to divorce him and she asks why. You would hamstring your relationship with your husband if you choose to rebuild your marriage, and that stuff gets around to everywhere, and unfortunately, families tend to stick with their own, and oftentimes, they start wondering how YOU failed the marriage that he had to stray from you. Not fair absolutely, but it does happen!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (7 August 2019):
 There is an old expression "Blood is thicker than water". This often rings true. Remember this woman helped raise him so its very likely she isn't going to want to hear what you say or even believe you. I'd leave her out of it because what can she really do? Spank him? You need some professional help..aka an attorney. Why stay if he's cheating?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (7 August 2019):
 No. It puts her in an awkward position and thats unfair. My advice is Id be confiding in some sort of counsellor, either in person or via telephone just to get it off your chest. If you know 100% he is having an affair then your next move is to talk to him and decide if this is something you can work out and try mend the marriage or end it. Both are equally painful. Having been cheated on myself I can honestly say staying is harder than leaving. It is just so emotionally hard and rarely does it ever get put to bed. It haunts you forever on and as much as you try to move past it, you don't when you have to live each day with the very person that has disrespected you and the relationship. I liken divorce in circumstances like you find yourself in as out of sight almost out of mind.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (7 August 2019):
 Why do you need someone to confide in?
You need to find a divorce lawyer more than anything. Why would you be contemplating staying with a cheat? What are you getting out of this? He doesn’t respect you at all, you know he’s cheating and you’re being a bystander?? Where’s your backbone? Stand up for yourself! Dump his ass and move out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2019): I'm not so sure what's the purpose of you confiding in his sister and how it would bring you comfort. You already mentioned that you don't expect her to take your side. There's a possibility that she could be pushing the blame to you on your husband's infidelity. So how is this a good idea?
I think you just want to express your frustrations and a listening ear. How about your own family members or close friends?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 August 2019):
 I'd say no.
This is between you and your husband.
I'd say YOU need to figure out WHAT YOU want to do next.
HE is the one you need to talk to. Now you CAN ask him if he would be OK with you confiding in his sister as you trust her and you have a need to talk about this with someone, but AS MUCH as I despise a cheater, I don't think you should try and throw him under the bus.
Why would you even want to make it work?
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