A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’ve just ended a 6 year relationship to be honest I didn’t want to end it but I couldn’t see any other way we never do anything or go anywhere together he won’t talk to me so any problems just build up the last few weeks he has completely avoided me I was upset a few weeks ago his mate came for him and he went out he didn’t even ask me what was wrong I was quite hurt by that we agreed last time we had this argument that he would make time for me once a month we would go out on a date night to which it never happened I just couldn’t go on like that anymore he has also been sleeping on the sofa for almost 2 year to which he can’t see what he’s doing wrong the question is how long does a break up take before you stop hurting I feel so sad that we’ve ended up like this but I’ve tried so many times to change it thank you
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 August 2019):
 Your relationship really ended a long time ago, when HE showed himself incapable of sharing anything in his life with you, not even one night out a month. People can only change if THEY want to. Equally sadly, he just wasted your time by hanging around but did not feel you were worth the effort it would take for him to change. He was effectively using you as cheap/free lodgings. Well done for realizing you deserve better and for evicting him from your home. He will be just as happy living on a mate's sofa.
Of course you are sad. You are mourning the loss of what you hoped he would be. Your biggest loss is the time you wasted on him because you will never get that back.
From your post, his absence should not impact on you in any major way, save for his physical presence in your home. Once you get used to that, you will come to realize that you did the right thing, that this relationship was way past its expiry date and should have been put out of its misery a long time ago.
Shake yourself down, mourn the loss of your hopes and dreams, then shake yourself down, put a smile on your face and start the next chapter of your life. Next time demand better for yourself. If someone falls short, end the relationship sooner and find someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. This is not an end; it is a new beginning. Enjoy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2019): You reminded me of myself. When my relationship of 6 years ended, I didn't have any closure at all. The only reason that was given to me was that he didn't want to waste my time further as he will not be considering marriage in the coming years and want to focus on his career instead.I have never even push him nor mentioned marriage at all. So I think he was just feeding me a convenient excuse. I asked him if he wants to break up and he said he was considering it. As such, I broke up with him instead. There's really no point in staying on.What I didn't expect was the pain that came along. I cried almost everyday for a month or two. I cried so much until I got sick of myself. I told myself I have to do something, anything or else I would go crazy. Therefore, I booked a tour, a flight and off to Europe I went. I've always enjoyed travelling and I felt immensely better after the trip. It gave me a reason to focus on something other than the break-up.So, do what you need to do to get it out of your system. Cry, scream, and after that, focus on the future.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 August 2019):
You write:"I feel so sad that we’ve ended up like this but I’ve tried so many times to change it"
No, You tried to CHANGE him.
And that RARELY works out. We all find change hard, even if it's just WITHIN ourselves, trying to change someone else? Forget about it!
You told him what you were MISSING and what you NEEDED from him and HE made the CHOICE to NOT fulfill those needs of yours. He would rather AVOID you than have a talk about how to make things work. So ending it, WAS the right decision.
While it might not FEEL that way right now, it will in time.
As for how long it takes to get over a break up, it's impossible to tell. The longer you go around in circles in your head trying to find new ways that you SHOULD have done this or, what if that... the longer it will take.
Instead, FOCUS on you. Find what makes YOU happy (and not IN another person but within you.) Make little improvements YOU want to make to yourself. Don't isolate yourself. It's OK to feel a loss, it's OK to be sad or mad. At some point though, letting go is really the only way to go.
Set some personal goals. Go for them, keep busy.
YOU do NOT need anything from him. The "closure" people talk about doesn't exits really. YOU are the one to find the closure that works for you.
...............................
|
