A
female
age
36-40,
*orn1
writes:Okay so I have made a mess of things and I just want to try and do the best I can from the mess I've made!I've been dating this guy for about 6 months and it has been really good and I have NO complaints, this guy is almost perfect.... He has been in Iraq for the majority of the time and we have spent 2 weeks together in person when he was on leave about 2 months ago. It was great and I even introduced him to my kids which I havn't done since my self and my ex husband divorced 2 years ago. He saw them about two times before he left and he did great. (he doesn't have any kids of his own) Well now he is almost here literaly a few days away and I broke up with him and now me and my ex are trying to work things out(that's why I broke it off with him)I still care for him but I cheated and he dosen't deserve that he's too good of a MAN! Now he wants to talk in person and i dont know what to say to him, i'm lost and confused. I didn't tell him why exactly i want to break up i just told him It's me I'm to wishy washy and he doesn't deserve to be dragged along my confusion. What do I do? I hurt him and I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have? Do I come clean or leave the reason for the break up as is?
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broke up, divorce, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): You knew you weren't over your ex BEFORE you even starting dating this new guy. I don't really smpy. with you b/c I have been in this guy's shoes where I was dumped per say for an ex. I don't blame you for how you feel about your ex, you feel for him and that is just the way it is and you shouldn't feel bad about that, but what you should feel bad about is knownly getting involved with this other guy when you knew there still maybe have been feelings for your ex. You even said it yourself, there was always something pulling you back to him..ITS CALLED YOU ARE IN LOVE AND ATTACHED TO HIM. If it doesn't work out this time around with your ex, my advice to you would be to stay off the dating scence until you can get your emotions in check. Things didn't have to turn out this way between you and this other guy---all you had to was be honest up front. Now you have sent a human being with feelings out into the world with a broken heart that he may or may not be able to heal. People have to start thinking more about others and not themselves when dating and dealing with love. If you have ever had your heart broken before, then you know its hell and high waters to heal. Dont' ever do that again...
A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Its best to be honest with your ex bf. He deserves that much. As you were vague with him about your reasons for splitting up with him, its understandable that he wants to talk to you. Tell him the truth, that you are trying to rebuild your marriage, theres no shame in that. I hope things work out for you and your husband, i really do. But if they dont, try leaving the dating for a while until you know you are really over your ex. It will give you time to heal and stop further rebound problems. All the best x
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): Tell the truth, in a gentle way of course. How can anyone blame you for wanting to be with your ex? After all, the heart wants what it wants.
But the person you need to worry about is not the soldier, he's a big boy. It's you. If this is what will make you happy, and be good for the kids, than follow your heart and not your head. However, if you want to be with your ex because he's always been this rock for you, than maybe it would be nice to give something new a chance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): I think you should come clean...I'm sure he'll be hurt but at least you won't be getting into a bigger mess in the future. If he's been this nice to you and you think he is that great, then he deserves honesty, esp since you are gonna attempt to fix things with your ex.
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A
female
reader, c_keller +, writes (31 March 2010):
Well in my opinion you owe it to yourself and to this new guy to be honest. I think you need to tell him you cheated and that you still have feelings for your ex, until you figure out what and who you really want it's not fair to either of you to continue on this way.
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A
female
reader, jada101 +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Whats pulling you back to him is that wanting to have the perfect family dady and momie together. If it didn't work out the frist time with your ex why come back to him... and 6 years and this was rocky what makes you think that the 2nd time is gonna be anybetter
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I can understand you not wanting to hurt this guy, and I applaud you for doing what you feel is right... but judging by your relationship with your ex I'd say getting back with him is a bad idea.
What's wrong with giving this new guy a chance? Nothing says you have to marry him or anything, but has anything really changed to make your relationship with your ex that much different this time around?
Be honest with the new guy, tell him you are trying to spare his feelings but I'd suggest not ditching him just yet. He might be good for you.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (30 March 2010):
You only saw him twice which if I were he I would not take offence as 2 dates is nothing really. You are getting yourself all hyper over this, it is important to focus on your hubby for the moment.
Who and what is important to you - that is what matters because you have no reason to assume that the soldier was a long term relationship!
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A
female
reader, Torn1 +, writes (30 March 2010):
Torn1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI posted this and i wanted to add the ex is my ex husband and father to my kids. We were together for 6 years and married for 2 it was a rocky relationship but there's always been something pulling me back to him. Guess I really never got over him.
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