A
female
age
41-50,
*oypoh
writes:I have a dilemma, I have had this pen pal since 1995 I was 18 at the time, we've continued writing and became like best friends, he's 9 years older than me, anyway, this past February 2008, he sent me a ring and a card asking if I'd marry him, its sweet and all, but he's in prison, across the country ~ he's in Pennsylvania and I in California. He's not due for parole for another year and even that we don't know if he'll get out. Then there is my local boyfriend, I met him 3 years ago, he's 7 years younger than me. We have the best of times and laughs like you wouldn't believe, he has also asked me to marry him. I feel torn because with Brian (prisoner) I feel so emotionally attached and he seems so true, mature and in it for the long haul, but with Neil (local guy) I get to see him all the time, we work well as a team, and he is there for me when I'm having a horrible day. Brian gets 2 fifteen minute scheduled calls a day, so I know him through millions of pages of letters and short phone calls, we just started talking on the phone in July 2007.I feel connected to Brian spiritually maybe because he and I share the same religious views, we have intense conversations through letters. Neil I feel connected to him because we work so well together and we share such great times. I don't know, any advice out there? Thank You.
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female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 sometimes we women let the right guy pass as by and end up desperately on such forums goin on about wat bad decisions we made. well, choose the guy that you feel has your personality, the prisoner or the local guy. as i have no intention whatsoever to question you personality but it would be interesting to find out what connects you with a prisoner..all the same do what your heart desires.. just knw that there are good gals out there who will definately make either of the man you decide to drop.. emotional connection is build when two people focus on it. its no wonder why you are not connected with the local guy because you've been connectin with the prisoner. you can't serve two masters at a time, either one will have to suffer if not you.good luck and wish you all de best in your marriage. there's a saying in my culture "he who wants all, misses all"
A
female
reader, chihuahua1274 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 You do what you want to but go with Brian he seems like he loves you more. Brian has tried to talk to you even though he might be in jail thats hard but he loves you so much he will do what he can for you i am not so sure about neil he sounds like you should just be his friend it also sounds like you like Brian more the way you talked about him with what seems like more passion and care suprise brian if you can visit him see if you really like him he may be nothing of what you expected do what you want and i hope you fall in love with the special someone i am eager to know who you pick All my love and gratitude,
chihuahua1274
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A
female
reader, :):):)  +, writes (28 May 2008):
Being unsure shows you arent 100% sure either of these men are the one you want to marry, which you should be if you want a happy marriage.The first man is in prison for a lengthly sentence, are you sure you would be safe with this man? You may share a special bond, but meeting in reality is rarely what you expect it to be. You should also be cautious to the fact he proposed close to his parole, are you sure he is not looking for someone to look after him when he gets out?The second man, however makes you happy and you have spent three years together, without a problem.Forget marriage for the moment and concentrate on what you want and who you want to be with.Good luckxxx
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