A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright, I will soon be asking my long-time girlfriend to marry me. Since the two of us come from rather traditional families, I want to ask for permission before I do so. Traditionally, one generally asks the father of the bride to be. However, I have noticed that there seems to be a trend of discussing this with both the father and mother. What have you experienced or observed? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Ask her father.
No, I am not sexist :)
I assume that , by asking permission to marry, you are just doing a romantic gesture , dusting off an old-fashioned tradition. You have already decided with your future wife and you'd marry her anyway, right ?
So , you are just sort of reciting a role out of a Jane Austen's novel( not that I disapprove ! I found it really nice and romantic ! ). Then, might as well do it the Jane Austen's way...
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Well obviously the 'traditional' thing to do is ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage - this has come from when the man was the head of the household and his daughter's were 'his to give away' so to speak.
Now we are in 2010 - this is a little outdated (yet still a lovely thing to do). The man is no longer the 'head' of the household in all families, and men and women have a slightly more equal role in the home. I know I personally, when my boyfriend wants to propose, would prefer him to sit down with both my mum and dad and then ask for my hand in marriage. This is because I am very close to my mum and it would be a nice thing to have them both involved. But that is just me!
So I guess it depends on what her family is like. Is she close to her mum? Is the family very traditional (i.e is her mum a stay at home mum and her husband makes ALL the decisions)? Or are they more modern in terms of equality at home? Do you get the feeling that her father is the more dominant one at home and makes the rules? Or does her mum have her say in how things are run at home?
You have to make the call here - we dont know what her family are like! But either way, whether you just ask her father's permission or discuss this with both of them - you are still doing the right thing by asking for permission and they will appreciate that. Involving her mother is never going to be a bad idea, but it is up to you in what you feel is most appropriate for her parents. Everyone's family is different, so you just have to make the call based on what you have seen and how their family dynamic works.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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