A
female
age
41-50,
*aisydaresyou
writes:Do guys really want platonic (best) friendships with women?I always thought it was great, that two people could be best friends no matter what gender/orientation, but recently on these relationship sites it seems straight guys who are best buds with straight girls are actually all secretly in love and are hoping to one day get it on with said girl. Is this true? Have I been deluding myself all this time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): Hi Hunny
Most of my mates are male and I have 3 close girl mates but about 5 male mates and there has never been any sexual come on's.. There has in the past been a couple who thought there could be but it wasnt what I wanted, So we just went our own ways.. And the mates I do have we can talk about anything including sex and some ask my advise on g/fs and others just want to go out occationally and have a pint and game of pool...I have found in time my male friends have been more there for me apart from 2 female friends I guess its down to the person as we are all inderviduals so you will get mixed answers for this some will say no way were I would obviously say yes its poss as Ive got it HOPE THIS HELPS TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): It looks like you and I are not in disagreement too much. I'm sure that some men will want a romantic relationship with any female friend and that some men will never think of that. Others may allow thenselves to allow that thought to occure just once or twice out of several or many friendships. I guess my thought is that if the man is one who finds himself feeling that way for the first time and has had several female friends without feeling that way, then perhaps there is something special and he should perhaps discuss his feelings with her to see if there is a common interest. The man who has those feelings happen all the time is probably not a good choice for either a friend or a romantic partner.
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A
female
reader, daisydaresyou +, writes (28 February 2008):
daisydaresyou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy 'assumption' has always been that men and women can be friends without anything else (romantic or sexual) involved. I have always promoted that idea especially to people like my parents as for their generation it seems like a pretty new idea.
However, I did notice a lot of 'secret crushes on best female friend' posts around this site and another one I visited with a question. This along with a couple of good guy friends admitting that until they met their long term girlfriends, they did privately fancy me, made me question these friendships.
I have a lot of male friends and nothing remotely sexual has happened with almost all of them.
I guess I was mainly looking for reassurance that I'm not deluding myself and that we can be just good friends!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): Well I have probably equal amounts of guy friends and girl friends. As a girl, I do find myself attracted to some of the guys, but usually only one or two out of them all. But as for their intentions towards me... well, I can never be sure. Most guys who've had major crushes on me weren't really mates with me beforehand. But then again, most of my guy friends can be very flirty. Not in an obvious way, you know, but we playfight, tease each other, and compliment each other. I guess that all in all it's a totally different relationship than with my girl friends. Sometimes I think that a lot of guys just think they'll have a go at seeing how far they can get with you, just because they want to see if they can. But then for a lot of them, they are like that with girls who are their friends for the simple reason that they have more contact with them.God, I wish I knew!
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A
male
reader, AkasunaNoSasori  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 That assumption you have is not true in my case, I have lots of female friends who I am good friends with but I never intend to "get it on" with any of them, ever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): That isn't what I said. You read that into what I said, perhaps because that's the answer you are looking for. I simply said that if both parties had an interest in carrying the friendship farther then they should allow it to happen. I didn't say that I would want that to happen necessarily. I would not expect it to happen unless I sensed interest on her part. Then I would ask her to make sure that I understood correctly. Then we would talk about the implications of carrying the friendship to the next level. If the interest is there for both parties, why not allow it to progress. It could lead to a great partnership. If there is no interest then I would not try to initiate one.
I also used to shoot pool with a woman who I worked with many years ago and never had an interest in dating her or sleeping with her. We just went out for companionship and fun. I'd either pick her up at her place or we would meet at the pool hall.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 Hi,
Sorry to say but in the real world it is very rare for a man to develop an ongoing friendship with a women purely for platonic reasons. There are plenty of guys who do but usually these are old college mates or workmates or whatever.
I can see a lot of the girls saying Of course its possible, but from a guy's perspective if the girl is attractive to the man I'm sorry to say but sex is on the mind - its nearly impossible for it not to be.
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A
female
reader, daisydaresyou +, writes (25 February 2008):
daisydaresyou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your input.
I'm not talking about sex here, I'm talking about wanting your friend as a girlfriend (being secretly in love with them). And you admitted that if you found a close female friend you could confide in, the chances are you would take it further, if you knew it wouldn't ruin the friendship (so, actually you would have sex with them, too, I guess). Which is precisely my point! Are male friends really just hanging around for the chance and secretly thinking they want more? Is it that guys only hang with women they want more with, or that most guys just want a woman who is a good friend and they can confide in as a girlfriend, and any friendship connection is open to going further because of that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): Just to add to what I said – If I had a close female friend who I could trust and confide in with my personal thoughts and problems then I would not want to lose that by making a pass at her, no matter how attractive she was. I might let her know that I thought she was attractive, but that I had no sexual desires. Friendship like that is very hard to find. To ruin it would just be stupid, unless you both sensed that there was a mutual attraction and could discuss it. Not a purely sexual attraction, but one that could progress to a long term relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): Each man is different and even one man might have different feelings toward different female friends of his. The exact same can be said of women. I have never had sex with any female friends, but my wife had a sexual relationship with a long time male friend of hers before we started dating. They were friends who just enjoyed being together. He is the only male friend who she ever desired having sex with.
If I had a female friend who I went out drinking with or shooting pool with or something like that then I could imagine eventually having thoughts of a sexual relationship with her. However, if my female friend were one who I confided in and discussed our problems with then I greatly doubt that I would desire sex with her. I had a friend like that a long time ago and I never thought of having sex with her when I knew her, and she was beautiful. It is the same with my close female friends who I have met on this forum. I can't imagine having a desire to have sex with them, as we trust the other with very personal thoughts. The relationship is more like confiding in a sibling than lusting over a hot drinking buddy of the opposite sex.
So the answer to your question is yes, no and maybe. :)
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A
female
reader, daisydaresyou +, writes (24 February 2008):
daisydaresyou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses so far, very interesting. I would also like to hear from any guys out there who aren't afraid to be honest with us!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (24 February 2008):
 Wouldnt mind hearing what guys think about this question.
The jurys still out in my opinion.
Ive had male friends but, they didnt last long because they seemed to want more.
My most recent ex always wants to be mates, but we ended up back together, but split a couple of months ago, and yes, he still would like to be mates. Its me that wont at the moment, its too soon. But i still dont know for sure if he wants to be mates with the chance of getting back together, even though he says its not, simply because ive made it clear there wont be any getting back together..
Like i said, would be interested to see what others think, male wise.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (24 February 2008):
Personally I dont see how you could be best friends with someone of the opposite sex and not have atleast one of the people involved feel something more then just friendship.
Ive been friends with males before and thought we were really close friends and ive felt nothing more for them. However when I would get a bf they would back off and barely talk to me, probably because they were hoping for something more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): My dad always told me that secretly one or the other would take things further.
All my life I have had very close relationships with men, that never lead to sex however in those deep conversations that we had as friends almost all of them would have taken things further if I had wanted to, so tough question.
Not sure we will ever really know!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): You have not been deluding yourself. There are some great guys out there who really just want to be friends without taking it any further.
take care
xx
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