A
male
age
30-35,
*onnorIsCute
writes:Do girls feel anal sex is in some way humiliating???My gf and i had anal for the first time last weekend, and in the middle of it she started to cry. Of course we stopped, but at that moment she couldn't explain why she cried. After thinking about it, she now thinks it was a combination of things. First, the intimacy of the act....she (and I) considered it very special. Second, it was a weird and new feeling to her, and it hurt for awhile at the start. But finally, she said it was kinda humiliating to open up like that (we did it missionary with her legs way up) and have something pushed in her butt. I told her that she shouldn't feel that way....that I have even more respect for her now, and that we don't have to do it again if she doesn't want to (she does!). Do all girls feel that way about anal at some time? What can I do to make this feel better to her - physically and emotionally? Would a different position be better?
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (19 July 2009):
It seems as if you have a mechanical aspect of it down, so long as she was able to relax and let you enter her without long term discomfort. At first penetration, she's likely going to feel discomformt, but she shouldn't feel pain. As she relaxes and allows you to start thrusting, she's going to have to concentrate to allow herself to stay relaxed. At a certain point she'll open up and odds are good you can get into a good rythum and both of you can get off.
I suspect that's she's just not quite comfortable with exposing this taboo part of her body, and is freaking out a bit.
Be supportive and GO AT HER PACE... she gets to call all the shots here... when's she's ready to let you back in, proceed. Otherwise, be supportive.
Once she's good to go, so are you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): I have a couple of thoughts for you. One is that you might want to make sure that your sex life is balanced--that is to say, don't be so focused on anal that other things wind up paling into insignificance. Don't make it all about anal.
Remember anal sex can do damage to the rectum; you MUST know what you are doing.
It might not be a bad idea to get some latex gloves and let her insert her fingers, maybe 2 or 3, into your anus and mimic the mechanics of thrusting in and out. That way, you will understand the sensations that she might be experiencing. I understand it can be quite pleasurable for men to be anally penetrated. Of course, she should use lots of lubrication, and her fingernails should be very short. Alternatively, she could use a dildo. This might help you select a comfortable position, as you try lying on your back with your legs way up in the air. Then you'll understand what it's like to be so vulnerable with your legs up in the air and something pushed up your butt too.
Then you could go into doggy style with her behind you, or lying on your side in a spooning position. That would show her you're willing to experience the same sensations and this might make her more comfortable. You'd also understand the mechanics of the thrusting better too if you've been the receiver.
I believe some experts suggest analingus to help her get used to stimulating the anus. You can move over from cunnilingus and experiment with that. Remember you shouldn't go back to cunnilingus after that. Perhaps backing off on using your penis for penetration for a while and instead starting with one finger then working up would help her get used to the sensation. Another tip the experts suggest is to be sure that you are stimulating her clitoris the whole time; this keeps her focus balanced and not all on her anus.
Be sure the lubrication you use will not irritate the rectum. Some lubes with spermicide are not suitable at all for anal use, as they may irritate the lining.
I understand that some fecal leakage occasionally occurs afterwards; just be prepared for that.
Condoms, condoms, condoms. Lube, lube, reapply lube.
Remember she may be trying it just to please you. If she decides that it is not for her, respect her preference.
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A
female
reader, LauraM +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Anal can feel that way the first time, though I might call it more like feeling vulnerable than humiliating. Think about it from a girl's point of view. We willingly expose that very personal place to you. Then we endure the initial discomfort of letting you enter us there while you watch us in pain. And that's followed by a feeling of being filled up that's not unlike an urge to use a bathroom right away!!!! Yes, it's a wonderfully intimate act, and it does become very nice, but the first time (or first few times) are likely to cause all kinds of different emotional and physical feelings that are hard to deal with.
You are fortunate that she still wants to perform that act with you, so continue to be patient with her. You have been very considerate and understanding, and that's good. Eventually, she is going to enjoy anal and you will be able to share that with her!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): really pleased you two talked, that's a good result. just a reminder about your post from 3 days ago:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/crying-during-sex.html
there was a lot of stuff in there that will help...so dont forget it.
in summary : lubricate and protect. Find position that works. some girls like, some girls don't (strangely like most things...)
Star.x.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Anal is not natural. Women do have any pleasant sensations there so it is not so enjoyable as it is for men. We as women want to please men so we tolerate it. Your g/f is young so just discovering her body. If she does not enjoy it do not force her.
It is good that you have been able to talk to her about it.
Keep talking.
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