A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Do girlfriends often want to break up after graduating from University? She does after me supporting her financially and mentally for 4 yrs+. What shall I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): It's been around 7 years of the best laughs & times even though money's always been tight & there's been the average number of dramas & trials that most couples face & can overcome. I still completely love her & she says she loves me but seems torn & confused, needing her identity & confidence back? I don't know how to play it or how much space to give her as the more she gets the more distant she seems to become & i usually have to call her. We've lived together for 5yrs+ & done everything together more or less. She's 4yrs younger than me but emotionaly on a par with me. I'm worried that her most recent best friend & closest advisor has just split with her long term boyfriend & may be helping to subtley steer her the wrong way - maybe partly to help with her own suddenly single situation. When she's with or been with her she doesn't seem to be comfortable even talking with me at times. Maybe i'm not giving her enough credit but she seems so not herself, unsure & possibly easily swayed at a mutualy stressfull time when i've very little input or say in anything. It hurts real bad & i feel powerless..
regards,
-Jake (thanks for the help guys)
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 August 2007):
 As to what you should do, you need to move on. This must be very painful for you, but, there's no other way. If one of the parties wants out, it never works to try to get that party to stay.
Your question, whether girlfriends break up after graduating, suggests that there is a "normal" pattern of behavior for all girls her age. I don't think that is the case. Everyone acts as per her/his own circumstances and wishes. So, if she broke up with you, it was because she wanted to, not because all girls do it. And certainly finishing the University is not the trigger of break ups.
I want to speculate a bit. Since you're 30-35, and she's graduating now, maybe she's like ten years younger? Perhaps you expected her to commit to you after the U, and this is what she is running away from. People don't break up with each other out of the blue; unless something spectacular happens, you usually fall out of love in stages. I'm sure she is telling you this now, but it's been happening for a long time.
The best you can do is pick up the pieces and move on. I know it's hard, but, there's no alternative.
Wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (13 August 2007):
 Hi, dont hang onto her if she wants to break up. She seems ungrateful and unappreciative. You deserve someone better that would treat you the way you deserve to be treated.You can try speaking to her and finding out the reason for the break up, that would ease your mind. Hang in there.
Good luck.
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