A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am 28 years old and been single my entire life. The only excuse that I have is that I am the "fat girl." I have tons of friends I work in a environment where I have to be outgoing and am. I go out almost every weekend. The guys that show interest tell me they would like to get to know me better or go out sometime, then nothing. I just do not get it. My friends are sick of me saying it but the truth of the matter is that I am the "fat girl." Guys have hung out with me to see if I had hot friends. Told me they could sleep with me but couldn't be friends with me, could sleep with me but can't take me out because they would be embressed to be seen with me. Long as nobody knows. Worst part of all is I got lap band surgery a few months ago because I wanted to be and pretty and after it was done my own brother was like don't expect guys to like you after you lose the weight. Please don't tell me there someone out there for everyone, to stop looking and he will come, when you least expect it. Tell me the truth do "fat girls" ever get a chance? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaving trouble understanding men.When I was a kid growing up. Guys would ask me out as a joke. It stayed with me for years.A couple of years ago I hung out with a guy for two long years which had a lot of ups and downs (mostly downs). At the end of it I was really starting to fall for him. When he told me how he really felt. He was embressed to be seen with me, even by strangers. I'm digusting the sight of me would want to me him throw up. It was insane because he was the one all the time that would ask me to hang out (never in public).Finally all I ever get are guys that tell me that they are interested then nothing. It makes completely no sense they come up to me and talk get my number. Seem like they are interested then nothing. If anything this kills my self esteem the worst. I could understand if it was one or two guys but its all of them. If your not interested why not leave me a lone in the first place? Why do men have the urge to this for?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for all the wonderful answers
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): I tend to go for skinny women...but only because I value people who take care of themselves. However, I think large women are beautiful if they are confident. Confidence trumps all imprefections. Unless a woman was so fat she smelled, I would consider a date, romance and even sex. I thik most guys would. If you only get offers of sex, you are around the wrong men. Kick up the confidence, sex appeal and interest in others, and you WILL get any kind of man you desire. Maybe not any man, but any type. Heck...there are supermodels who hang with chubby, ugly men, and it isn't always cuz of a huge member of large bank account. Everyone has unique preferences.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Pshh im a chubby chaser lol i dont like terribly skinny girls and i dont like tall girls, its the short kinda chubby girls you know you'll get your chance, embrace it -smiles- i know verry beautiful "fat" girls and i have dated a few so dont worry you WILL git you chance, just be patient.
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female
reader, Miley  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 Hi I will say yes.One of my friend is a "fat girl".But she is in a relationship for 3 years now.yes now she is trieng to lose her weight because she is going to get married after few months.Now say Its a successfull story.If you are hot and sexy the guys will come to you because...I hope you understand..Will you be happy with this fake relationship?natural thing looks beautiful than the fake one.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): hey.. Now i just did a bit of research on lap band surgery and really you shouldnt have a band rapped around the upper part of your stomach... no matter how much exercise you do, weight loss tablets you take and healthy food you eat some people are just a natural size 16 so stop beating yourself up about your size we live in a society where people think that size 0 is the perfect fit... or even better if your next to nothing shirt is a bit baggy on your skin and bone body with your rib cage potruding out in a vulgar manor! no way when you are that skinny you stop getting your periods because your body is just trying to get the nutrients through it needs for you stay alive. now that is extremely unhealthy... and YES!! so called "fat girls" do get a chance, if the guys you meet are saying that stuff to you then you are looking at the wrong guys!! and i guarantee that most guys out there love a girl for more than what they look like, my old boyfriend told me to put ON weight he said that he loves a girl with a bit of meat on their bones so sista find a guy to just be your friend at first and let him scratch beneath the surface and get to know YOU.. dont go to clubs coz most guys there wana drink and then take home some girl, have a bit of fun; you do the math... you gotta take it slow don't jump right in, let a guy see you for who you are.. heck i'm 17, if i can do it so can you... i've been with my boyfriend for a while now and im 1 and a half years older than him, he's well over six foot and im five but we love eachother the way we are.. your dream guy won't always just fall into your lap like Alice in Wonderland, you gotta look.. but take a breath and just enjoy looking.. don't get so down on yourself, coz not fat 'beautiful' girls DO have a chance.. now go get em!!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Has it ever occurred to you that there are males who feel the same way as you, maybe not about being overweight, but about feeling overlooked? That the girls go for the obviously attractive guys but ignore the guy who isn't as handsome/fit/hot as his friends?
I think the feeling of being "unattractive" starts in your head, maybe that's why you have wound up with the weight issue. You've convinced yourself you are not a catch, so you believe it and behave in that way.
"Fat girls" totally get a chance, if they believe they are attractive and have value. Your battle isn't with your weight right now, it's with whatever is lowering your self-esteem. Go fight the right fight!
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): Well there's no point asking yourself this - You've gone and got lap band surgery - mistake, you should lose weight the natural way, now you'll never ever be able to eat teh same portions of food again. Soon you'll be much thinner but with looser skin perhaps, and you wont be the 'fat girl' anymore. How is this enjoyable? It was a bit drastic, and your brother is right, maybe it isn't all about your looks, maybe your weight has made you have a jaded view onto the world which comes accross to other people taht you meet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): Honey, I know what its like to feel left out. Except boys avoid me completey. Im not exactly skinny. I am pale and pasty. I am just ugly. My family and friends all hit me on the head when i say it but in their eyes i see what they see... But you have a chance. No, not everyone finds a special someone. But you will. You seem nice. Quit looking for the mean pretty boys and start looking for nice boys. :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): Brothers say that sort of thing, mine does anyway! I don't take any notice.
I think you are focusing on being the fat girl too much. I think maybe you are using it as a crutch and in a way it is something you can hide behind. I think being overweight is probably knocking your confidence in general, and this is what is the problem is. You can still be confident. Looks aren't everything. And being fat doesn't put all men off at all.
If, however, you are always going on about it then I can see it is probably annoying to all those around you who get sick of hearing about it. It was very brave of you to have surgery, now you need to make the most of it and lose that weight. Don't go back to your old habits, eat healthily and do exercise. I don't know if you have a medical reason for being overweight, but if you did I imagine that you wouldn't be given lap band surgery. Maybe your lifestyle/diet whatever isn't appealing to the guys you've met. I like sharing hobbies with my partner like sports, walking, cycling, whatever. I imagine if you have had this surgery you are not a very active person where exercise is concerned.
Get out there and get doing things. Join some sports clubs. You will meet like minded people.
If you are that concerned about being overweight then you need to do something about it. Lap band surgery gives you a good springboard into losing weight that normal diet and exercise doesn't so you need to really use that to your advantage. No one else can help you lose weight, it's all down to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): To tell you the truth.
you do have a chance.
dont doubt your self.
your just gunna tare your self down.
just always keep in mind,
The people that were embarrased of you before or said they would only sleep with you before.
dont give them the chance.
because they will just do you wrong.
everyone has a special someone out there for them.
there hard to find.
but it just takes time.
& patience.
but never doubt yourself.
You can be better then that.
& obviously a lot of people dont know what they want in life.
because they take all the bad girls.
& then find out they should have took the good ones that were in front of them the whole time!
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 I actually agree with rescue. How can any guy will get interested in you if you by your self are feeling bad being fat girl! They said" number 1, love your self and others will follow. I have a classmates in high school, she is fat which is not really normal specially in my country. She became my friend because no one really wanna be friend to her because of her body. But guest what" she don't care. After university she got married first before me. So in your question! Yes" fat girl have a big chance to have a partner and a husband in life. Its only up to you how you handle your self. Try to be nice to your self ok.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): You're in your late 20s so by this stage, any guy worth a second thought isn't shallow enough to not want to be seen in public with a woman. Rescuer is right - the guys you meet out on the weekend are pretty much never looking for what you want. It has nothing to do with your weight.
Speaking as someone who gets a lot of male attention, I see no difference between that and your situation. 99.9% of them are interested because of how I look and that interest quickly drops off when they spot someone else. So no matter how exciting it might seem, really we're all looking for that 1 in 1000 person who will really see us as we are beneath the skin.
Oh and some guys get intimidated by outgoing women, or just see them as friend material - it has nothing to do with what you look like.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Do you want the truth?
Yes there are plenty of guys out there for you. But the old myth that they will come to you is nonsense.
When you go out, do you go to the same places and with the same people? Or are you meeting new people?
Ill let you in on a little secret... In school my two best friends were the popular guys in school and were always getting the girls, I was not getting any girls because I looked less next to them, yes I was the dorky friend.
When I left school and went out on my own, I met and started dating women, but when my school friends went out with me, I didn't even get a conversation, somehow I was again the dorky friend. You see I think that the guys you are meeting are trying to date your friends and thus arn't considering you.
Try going out without the prettier friends and see what happens.
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