A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and a friend had a bit of a previous history of things happening and things being said resulting in confusion as to whether he had feelings for me. He said back then he didnt although everyone said it was obvious he did but maybe was shy/didnt want a relationship. Anyway...Me and this guy have just become friends again after a bad fall out(nothing to do with our history), seen each other afew times but he asked me to meet up last week. We both had abit to drink and he started being all over me, i wont go into detail but as you can imagine, touching, holding hands etc. I knew at the time he was drunk so never thought anything of it, we came back to our home town and i thought right thats it end of lets forget it. Till we started just talking as friends and then decided to go for a walk, where he started holding my hand again. There after we were just wandering round sitting in various places and lying on the grass just cuddling. Wherever we were he didnt want to let go. I knew it was all down to the drink but things were being said such as hes glad we arent at college anymore because no ones here to say anything or get involved(which they did come between us back in the day). This made me think....do drunken words speak a sober heart? Was he trying to say something?... Funnily enough hes not the type of guy that does this, never goes out intending to get with girls. Funny thing was he never tried to actually kiss me, and tbh hes always had problems taking things a step further, but i didnt want to kiss him just incase.When we got back home however n had both sobered up he kept apologising and saying that he would never take advantage, he also said it was getting stupid because this is the 2nd time we've ended up like this(it happened afew years ago too). It was obvious he had ALOT on his mind and we both agreed to forget it and that it meant nothing, because as i said to him if he had of felt that way he'd of said so years ago.I have to accept his answer, theres no way im going start letting this rule my life again but it has messed me up and i just dont know what to think and whether there is infact more behind it, as when i got home he text me saying he really did enjoy tonight and wants to do it again sometime. So im really confused, I know he was wasted but its all getting really weird. I dont know what to think, I've accepted his answer as i know its for the best but its really upsetting, i need to clear my head, what do you think?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (13 July 2011):
Hi there. He does seem to like you, because he wouldn't have held your hand and cuddled you like he did.
People often do speak the truth when they have had some alcohol, and it makes them relaxed enough to truly speak their mind.
It's probably safe to say that what he said is the truth, but once the alcohol effect has worn off, he then feels a bit awkward again.
He is probably a bit shy, and isn't game enough to step outside of his comfort zone and just ask you out directly.
It's a fear of rejection. We all have that when it comes to relationships.
As he has said in that last text that he really enjoyed himself and wants to do it again sometime, that does sound promising - don't you think?
Otherwise, why would he say that?
It means that clearly, he DOES want to see you again, so that is an opening for you to say something.
What is needed now by him, is a bit of encouragement that you feel the same way. Otherwise it's not going anywhere. If he doesn't get any encouragement from you soon, he will think that you ARE NOT interested at all. Then you might never see him again.
So in light of that, it would be nice if you were to text him back saying that you also really enjoyed the night, and "Yes" you would like to see him again soon.
But don't talk about you feelings for him - that can come later, after a few dates (or a few weeks).
Keep it simple - just like what I've said above (or similar) - and wait and see how he responds.
Men are often careful in saying too much too soon, so they tend to keep what they do say to a minimum. Not meaning to hurt you in any way, but more a case of being cautious, so they don't make a fool of themselves.
Again, it's the fear of rejection that's the driving force here.
Just supposing he said a whole lot of things, only to find that you didn't feel the same way about him. How awful and silly would he feel? He'd also feel rather embarrassed. And you don't want that.
Just give him a little encouragement, so he knows you do like him too.
After you have done this, (answered his text), don't text him anymore after that - but instead, let him chase you.
He just needs to know that you are both on the same page. And that's pretty important.
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