A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some good advice from the women out there who are mothers. My wife and I are pregnant. In all the movies you see, when the woman is in labor she is yelling at the father, scratching him, telling him it's all his fault, etc, etc. I am just wondering if all women react in a similar manner? I guess I really want to know what I should be doing and/or saying? What maybe other husbands did wrong that I can do right. Thanks for your input. You're saving a confused husband/father. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 I was there for all three deliveries. No, she isn't exactly looking at you with lust in her eyes just then, but no, as the women responders said, she has more pressing issues than blaming you for the situation. We did go through the classes, but the idea of my standing next to the bed and telling her to breathe was, well, not helpful, and was not repeated.
Frankly the best thing that can happen is anesthetic, as in epidural. Our first two children were delivered in a hospital that effectively obstructed that option, giving her nitrous and other useless things, plus episiotomy and other barbarisms. The third, near ten pounds, was in a different hospital with an epidural and it was a complete breeze, with a much happier mother. For Christs sake check out what's going to be available.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): she will have a bond with her sister tho and if it is comforting to have her sister there i wouldnt obstruct that decision, it is a difficult enough experience. oh and dont worry u will have plenty of time to bond with mum and baby wen use get home :) the joys await you..
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 No,that's just movies.
In real life, women in labour need their BREATH and ENERGY and are not likely to waste either by ranting against their husbands.
Of course, it IS a physically very painful experience, so it can happen that the woman feels irritable and cross , or reacts sharply to her partner's attentions. But ,no big deal, - same as labour pains, just after giving birth, all is over and forgotten.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Thanks. All the answers have been great. So basically, I should just be there and only speak when I have something supportive to say. And whatever else she wants me to do. So, generally, nothing changed from our normal marriage? lol. One more question, she wants her sister in the delivery room with us. I kind of feel like this is a moment to bond just me and her, as husband and wife. There aren't many experiences in life this important and/or intense. What do you think?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): i did the shouting when me and baby got home - was worn out and nothing anyone did was useful in my eyes, realised i was all alone in pain and lacking sleep and no one could help me. Thankfully things eventually got better but do prepare for possible hell those first few months.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Of course every woman is different, so you can't generalize but I don't believe most woman do that. My doctor/nurses told me I was one of the best patients that they had EVER had, both times I had children. I was in so much pain that all I wanted to do was to breathe deeply, and get it over with. I didn't have the energy or strength to scream. I know I squeezed my husband's hand REALLY hard, but uh hey...what can he expect? My husband was a total wimp..he complained about how it hurt his hand, the smells in the the hospital room, (he thought he was going to faint), and he wanted a cigarette...god, what a baby. And THEN while in the worst throes of labor..he had the NERVE to ask me if we didn't have a boy..could we try again...OH GODso not cool! The NURSE almost slapped him! HA HA...I never said a word! DON'T SAY SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT! HA HA
True stories...my sister cursed out her husband the ENTIRE time.....my cousin spit on her husband..so uh yeah..some women DO NOT handle labor well...
and does a man understand how it feels to have a baby? Uh no...NOT AT ALL....he couldn't possibly imagine the pain!
So...just be there for your wife. Hold her hand, help her focus and breathe...hug her, let her squeeze your hand off, comfort her in ANY way you can, be positive for her, and try to understand that in her pain she might say or do things that she wouldn't normally do. Hopefully she won't scream at you, but even if she does, remember what she is going through and just be supportive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): I have gone through 3 drug-free deliveries and I never once yelled at my husband. The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is listen to her. If she asks you to rub her back, do it. But if she decides suddenly that she doesn't like it, don't do what my husband did and keep asking her if she wants a back rub. haha! I can only speak for myself of course, but I told my husband I would ask him for what I wanted and if I told him to stop doing something- talking, breathing loudly, etc,he shoudl stop. But no yelling. I think he felt helpless so he kept kinda wondering what to do- he wisely stood up by my head and sorta cheered me on, saying "its ok, you're doing great" etc.
Congratulations!
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 I don`t have any kids, but I can tell you Hollywood is full of it... drama sells.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (30 October 2010):
I don`t have any kids, but I can tell you Hollywood is full of it... drama sells.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 No, this is just cinema.
If you are worried about labour, I think it would be as great idea to hire a doula. I am one and especially nervous fathers can get great benefit from another woman who has a calm temperament being there.
The advice I can give is to not tell her what to do, don't rush around all panicked as this will rub off on her and have a good birth plan. Where ate you planning to birth? Home, birth centre or hospital? If you are birthing in hospital, doctors will push drugs and meds on you. Have the courage to stand up for the wishes of your partner.
I have experience in this stuff so if you would like further advice send Mr s private message and we can have a chat :-)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Ok dont be panicking here the movies tend to dramatize everything so stop panicking many mothers sail through there pregnancies but everyone is different, when a women is in labour yes her hormones are flying all over the place and she is in a lot of pain but it doesnt mean that she is going to shout and scream at you.
All you can do really is be there for her and anything she says dont take it seriousa s i said hormones make us do crazy things, but most of all enjoy the experience with her hold her hand and rub her back thats all you can do is be there for her.
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