A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm just wondering if all men's goal is to bed a female when they approach them? I feel kind of silly asking this because I know all men want something from the girls that they date... Many of the men that I've dated actually let me know that all they think about in the beginning when being with a girl is how to get her to bed... Compare to us women, we care a lot about feelings and emotions... Anything that we feel romantic during a date, might actually serve as a purpose to fulfill a guy's sexual needs. I've always known this but just lately I keep thinking about this. Is it true that all men would develop feelings/emotions for a girl after sex? I mean is it easier that way? Do men protect and guard their feelings more than women? So even if a guy approaches you and have an interesting chat with a woman, it really doesn't mean there is chemistry in between but only sex in a man's brain? It is something really interesting to me because all I think about during the conversation is how well we can get along and how special I think he is!I'm pretty open about this so any feedback is welcome!! Thanks!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (3 May 2012):
 ( wondering if all guys not all men goals is to bed a female when they approach them?) i can't speak for all other guys but i have been married close to thirty years, and we did not have intercourse until we was married. but i look at it i may be wrong but their are types of guys that are out to not have meaningful relationships with women. those type of guys are just out for them self, only interested in what the woman will put out.their are guys that are interested in the woman as a whole looking for someone to spend their life with.the guys that are interested in having sex with any woman they meet, or come in contact with, they are more than likely looking for a woman that will give in quick, cheap and easy. if the women has a little self respect and does not give in to the guys game the woman will not feel cheated , or cheap. it's a two way street, it takes two to tango.some guys are out to use women but their are good guys out there also.( is it true that all men will develop feelings/ emotions for a girl after sex?) no not all men would develop feelings and emotions for a girl after sex- those types got what they wanted, their thinking is " why buy the cow when i can get free milk".that is why it is important for a girl to have self respect and not give in cheaply to guys like that. those guys will play a girl and tell them what they want to hear, just too get what they want.love is giving and lust is taking. some people are giving , some people are self centered . the thing is to not rush a relationship, and see what kind of character the other person has " if they are kind, sharing, giving, ect." not "self centered, think of them self more than the person they are with, not a liar, not trust worthy , ect.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): Thanks everyone, especially k_c100 and Cerberus for the lengthy replies!Cerberus, seriously, i'm probably one of the few human beings left on earth who don't really fantasize based on a person's physical traits. ;-) I know a lot of my girl friends would drool over handsome sexy men they see at the clubs/bars but normally I don't have any sexual desires for strangers or men with a pretty face. However I would think of having sex with a man after I find out i have feelings for him, especially the ones who I find smart and humorous... And when that happens I already have feelings for them, so for me it might take a longer time to develop sexual desires for a man. I don't feel turned on at all if he just has a gorgeous body or a pretty face. I cannot speak for all women of course but at least i know its quite hard for me to actually associate sex with someone i barely even know. Maybe I'm just weird. I guess I'm just immune to hot looking guys ... And that's why I don't understand what it's like to just want to have sex with someone you find physically attractive. All my exs were just normal looking guys, and I was attracted to them probably by something else, maybe personality and thats more important to me.When I was a teenager my girl friends would all wonder why I always picked guys who aren't that "good looking" (to them) they just always thought with my looks I should deserve guys who are more handsome. But at that time it made me feel like an outcast because I couldn't understand why they all want a good looking bf. It made me wonder why I am different. I mean I would admire and look at them when they walk pass but it's as pure as I check out pretty girls, nothing sexual. Then now I realize we all have a different definition in "attractiveness".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): i dont know about other men but mine is that i and mi gal we must enjoy each other 's company i dont even think of getting mi chick to bed maybe in 5years to come i do know
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): well, I don't know about other men but I notice that when I start a relationship with a women who I would like to stay with for ever I try to bed her ASAP because I think that way I will tie her to me. Silly? Yes I know because it doesn't work most of the time but nontheless.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (2 May 2012):
Of course not. Not every man, and not always. Maybe men are more "sexual" compared to females. But every time a man approaches to a women could be a different intention. You can't relay in a general opinion here. It's useless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): "Compare to us women, we care a lot about feelings and emotions... Anything that we feel romantic during a date, might actually serve as a purpose to fulfill a guy's sexual needs"
Actually OP most of the women I've been only wanted a bit of fun and sex.
"Is it true that all men would develop feelings/emotions for a girl after sex?"
God no haha, that's something we guys tell you girls to let us sleep with you early hehe.
"I mean is it easier that way?"
Nope, we're actually less likely to view you any other way. I mean I won't date girls who sleep with me on the first date. I've already gotten the prize, why run the race? It's not a sexist thing, she's not a slut or anything like that. I just prefer women who make me work for it, who are intelligent enough to make me earn it if they want more than just sex from me. That said I will be more than happy to continue a casual sex with a one night stand but nothing more.
"Do men protect and guard their feelings more than women?"
Not any more than women do. It all depends on the guy OP.
"So even if a guy approaches you and have an interesting chat with a woman, it really doesn't mean there is chemistry in between but only sex in a man's brain?"
It doesn't mean that at all but come on, in order for almost anyone male or female to want a romantic relationship with someone there has to be some kind of sexual desire doesn't there? Otherwise what's the point, if you don't want to have sex with someone eventually then why date them?
"It is something really interesting to me because all I think about during the conversation is how well we can get along and how special I think he is!" Oh yeah? And what about if this guy is ripped, and has a beautiful pair of eyes and a strong jaw line. Are they really not going to factor into things at all for you? Are you really not going to notice a nice hard pair of biceps and not think that they're sexy looking? Or that he has a great firm ass in those jeans as he's walking away? OP when you date someone who is beautiful, sexual attraction is going to come into play at some point even for you. What if you and this guy are having nice chat but not necessarily a very interesting one but he's absolutely drop dead gorgeous, is his personality still going to be the main reason you're still sitting there? OP I know so many women that think they're somehow deeper and less superficial than us guys, that somehow they're not prone to the same needs and desires as us but as I said earlier I've been with more girls that just wanted to get their rocks off than girls who were intent on starting a relationship.
It's funny because my female friends all think the way you do, but then I discuss guys with them and they talk about how big their hands are and how she couldn't stop imagining those hands slowly moving over body, or what it would be like to run her hands over his big chest or be held in his big arms etc. They openly admit to me that when they're dating guys they haven't slept with and are attracted to they do think about his sex technique, wonder what he'd be like, wonder what he looks like naked, is he a moaner and of course whether he has big dick or not.
Sex isn't the main goal for most of us but if there's nothing else there for us most of us will take it, not all men or women need to feel something to have sex, sometimes the act itself is all we want.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (2 May 2012):
Are there not some women who only want, or think about sex? Yes. Not all women want the same thing, just as not all men do. Men may find it harder to express emotions and feelings but it doesn’t mean that when they seem to want companionship and enjoy a girl’s company, they’ve actually just got sex on their minds. Men do not have to have sex to establish an emotional connection. Or, perhaps what I should say is that a lot of men don’t, because there’s no one truth that applies to all men, just as there’s no one truth that’s true for all women. I’m sure there are plenty of women out there just wanting sex, still others who substitute sex for emotional closeness with a person. The thing to take away from all this is judge the person, don’t make assumptions about them just because they happen to be a man or a woman. A man who seems to show a genuine interest in a girl isn’t necessarily just trying to get sex.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 May 2012):
 You are spot-on, for the most part..... (many/most men)...
After all, this (below) cliche did NOT come about without some evidence:
"WOMEN offer sex in hopes that it will lead to a loving relationship; MEN will fake an entire relationship if it will lead to sex...."
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 May 2012):
 Making sweeping generalisations like this is never wise - you cannot group 'all men' into one category and claim that they all think the same way. Of course they dont - so of course not all men think constantly about getting a girl into bed.
In my opinion I think the majority of men, when they meet a girl they really click with, that they want to get her into bed but also want a relationship with her.
Of course there are always going to be men that just want sex, these are the 'players' who are just out to have fun and get in a girls pants.
But there are plenty of men out there who want relationships and are not looking to sleep around. But these men still think about sex, of course they do.
Take my boyfriend for example - when he first met me he did admit to fancying me and thinking about sex with me. That is natural for a man who is attracted to the girl he has just met! But he also really liked me, in terms of my personality. Yes his overwhelming thoughts were (in his words) how 'fit' I was, but he also liked how we had a laugh when we were together, he liked that I was intelligent as well as attractive and he liked that we had lots in common. We waited a few weeks before we had sex - of course he wanted to have sex with me as soon as he met me but because he wanted more than a one night stand with me he waited because he liked me more than that.
So how do you know if you have met a 'player' who only wants a one night stand/FWB, or if you have met a guy who wants a girlfriend? If they try to get you into bed right away he is a player. If he is happy to wait a few weeks/months before you have sex, then he genuinely likes you and wants more than just sex.
All men want sex, they think about sex a lot and that is a big part of their brain. But there are men capable of relationships and feeling emotions as well as being horny. These guys will still think about sex, and will still think about how they can get you into bed - but they will be respectful and wont rush it because they can over-rule this urge for sex because they like you so much.
If they are not that into you and only feel physically attracted to you, then they wont over-rule their sexual urges and will just go ahead and sleep with you.
As for your question "Is it true that all men would develop feelings/emotions for a girl after sex?" - No, the is 100% false. So many women make this mistake - they think if they sleep with a guy he will fall for her, and then they end up hurt when he doesnt call the next day, or just wants a FWB with her. If you are 'easy' to get into bed 9 times out of 10 the guy will never consider you as serious girlfriend material. He will think you are just a casual sex partner and nothing more.
Whereas if you make a guy wait, that tests his feelings for you and makes him consider if you really are worth the wait. If he just wants easy sex he wont stick around, if he genuinely likes you then he will. Sex and love are often very much seperate for men, unlike women - they can easily have sex and not feel a thing emotionally afterwards. Whereas through evolution women have always been designed to attach ourselves to the man we have sex with because sex used to mean pregnancy, pregnancy meant a baby and a baby mean it needed the man to 'provide' for the family.
Men do feel chemistry, if you have a great conversation with a man and feel a strong connection then chances are he feels it too. With one of my ex boyfriends, when I met him we went out on a date the next day for coffee and we sat in the coffee shop for about 7 hours just talking about anything and everything - we both felt the connection and the feelings were mutual. It wasnt about sex, it was about finding someone you really connect with.
So in short, yes there are men who only think about getting a girl into bed. And some men who will do ANYTHING to get a girl into bed, including dates and being romantic etc. These are the worst kind of guys, but as long as you dont sleep with any guy too quickly and wait a few weeks you will weed the bad ones out within 3 or 4 dates.
But there are guys who feel a connection like you do - ok so it might not be quite the same as what the girl is feeling, men after all are traditionally more reserved with their feelings and hold back at times. These guys still think about sex, that is natural when you are attracted to someone, and they will want to get you into bed - but they will also want to get to know you too and take this further than just sex.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): As a 31 year old Man, I have enough experience to answer this from my perspective...
I think it is an age thing. When youre young, yes. When you have had some experience, no.
Lets face it, the honeymoon period of all relationships is based on bedroom antics. In the long run, if a relationship can sustain through thick and thin then what difference does it make how you get together? At the end of the day, you cannot help who you get together with... be it for a one night stand or long term relationship!
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