A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Do men ever get over their past relationships ?..I am in my early forties. Divorced and have 3 kids. Was married for 14 yrs. My marriage was awful, I got out and moved on. Have been divorced now for 4 yrs. Why does it seem like men in my age group still harbor ill will for their ex's or think all women are just like their ex's? I think I am becoming sinicle with dating. I am an attractive women, good job and my kids father is active and support in their lives. I am gettign sick and tired of going on dates start a nice relationship and then hearing ..I will never get married again, I never had sex in my marriage, she never understood me, she is a bad mother to my kids and on and on and on ...Do all men stay bitter?
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (3 April 2008):
 Hi, The first thing I'd like to say, is that it is great that you were mature enough, to know that your relationship had to end for the good of both of you, and the children. You didn't sit there moaning and groaning and having the relationship get worse and worse. Good for you. Current situation, people are all the same and are all different. It just depends on the core value system of the individual.
people get hurt and it opens a wound, and even though that wound heals over, the pain of the wound, can still be felt. Because some pain goes very deep, and people are sometimes
not strong enough to purge themselves of that deep hurt.
So, whenever they get into a situation where it seems as though that pain may come back again, they put up a barrier, hoping to curtail the possibility of more pain.
Men want to date and be connected to another human, to try to love again, once they have been hurt, but the trust factor comes into play. By talking about their past problems, they are not just complaining about what happened to them, they are trying to get you, to understand that they are unable to bear that kind of hurt again. You then, if you care about the person and want to grow through it, u have to listen to what he is not saying, and read between the lines. He wants you to promise him, without him telling you or you promising him, that you will not do to him, what his former lover did to him. Here is that word again,trust, he wants to believe in a possible secure relationship with you, without him asking, or you promising. But this takes a lot of patience, this is where your choices come in, do you care enough for this or that indivdual to take the time to build that trust between the two of you? Take the time to consider this, and decide carefully. Most people in certain age groups have a history, and are still good people to be with, it just takes a little honing and polishing, when you find the right or most compatible one. Don't give up, but give it time, if and when you fine someone, worth the time and effort. Be as happy as you can be. Friendship is good, be willing to share yourself. But, if it is too much for you, don't compromise your values, keep moving. Take care.
A
male
reader, Escalaya +, writes (3 April 2008):
 Men and women are alike in this aspect, believe it or not I've had some people pull a "psycho-ex" move on me, I've had girls try to cut my breaks, believe it or not. I've never held ill-will towards any of my ex's, it's just guys after being left tend to focus on the bad-aspects of their ex to make themselves feel better. Guys go through all the emotions just like girls. "Why didn't she want to be with me?", "was I not good enough?", "Am I ugly? Fat? stupid?" and so on. And this is just a guy's way of getting around those questions. "She was just a bitch. Fuck her."
Just remember, women act the exact same way as your ex does, too. Imagine why you would be bitter to one of your ex's, and apply that to your ex that's bitter. Odds are is he feels similarly. Also, you two see things differently, heck. My Ex-girlfriend, Sarah, thought she was giving me plenty of freedom in our relationship, but in all actuality, she had me on quite a short leash, Lol.
Eventually your ex will get over it, all people eventually get to the point where they can see both the good and bad of a previous relationship, learn a lesson from it, and move on in life, and be able to speak nicely about that ex.
~One Love,
Escalaya
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Yes, i think you are right. My bloke has been married twice before me and he is constantly on about his ex being such a bitch. I know my ex goes on like that about me, bloody cheek, but hey lets not get as bad as they. You are so right, they get past a certain age, and they are like elephants, never forget and by god they do hold grudges. When i was dating the bitchy stories i have heard from blokes had been pathetic.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (2 April 2008):
 I don't think all men stay bitter. Even though it may seem that way to you now, it's not just men who have hang-ups regarding their past. And even though I may seem too young (25) to be saying this, I know that within your age demographic there are many men who have loved and lost and don't want to be set up for failure again. I've seen my parents go through a lot of this after they broke up years ago. I'm happy to hear that you've moved on, unfortunately (even though it's a big relationship no-no) it seems to be human nature to compare a potential relationship to past defeat. Don't give up. Not everyone is like this. Hey, do you want to date my dad.... just kidding! You seem to have a good head on your shoulders so don't let a bunch of whiny guys dwelling on their past prevent you from from being happy. Usually someone comes around when you least expect it. I wish you the best.
-Jmo
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