| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Are there men who do not thinking about screwing other women when they are either in a committed relationship or married? Do all men crave sexual variety? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Zarroc  +, writes (28 May 2017):
Honestly, in one way or another, yes. Let me explain.Variety is to men as seduction is to women. Men like having variety. Variety in food. Variety in scenery. Variety in entertainment. Variety in mates. We get bored. We cannot turn off our eyes; our brains are always subconsciously scanning for potential mates. And if we see someone we like, it's an automatic reaction to want to bang her -- our attraction is immediately a lit fuse regardless of whether or not we are being loyal or want to be attracted any more than you can decide whether or not to find a particular piece of chocolate delicious.Sexual variety excites men like nothing else. We are evolved for it. You see, the male reproductive role demands we get our seed to the vagina and that's it. In theory, we can impregnate as many women as we can have sex with, so, naturally a certain form of evolutionary programming wants us to do so. It's like being on a street with a bunch of cheap ice cream stalls -- you just want to try a little something from each one. We don't have the issue of being impregnated and saddled with offspring, unless we either chose or are forced to. A man is biologically capable of running through thousands of women and fathering thousands of children with them without having any technical need to spend a single day providing or caring for any of them. And evolutionarily speaking, it's more advantageous that way -- he's already won by spreading his genes, and he's won even more by spreading them wider than a strategy to just pick a woman and spend forever raising a child or two.This drive to spread our seed to as many desirable partners as possible is why so many wealthy and powerful men who have the ability to have multiple women, can and have had numerous affairs and large harems. For a man, monogamy makes no evolutionary sense -- reproduction won't necessarily involve a large chunk of his life after the act. Once a girl's impregnated, his time is better spent going on to the next one instead of doting on her. Anyway, the key principle is that men who are able to have large numbers of women, especially if it's sanctioned by society, do.The male sex drive is hydraulic. Imagine needing release, and different kinds of release release different levels of pressure. A wank releases a little bit of pressure. A good wank with some hot porn releases more. Getting blown releases more. Having sex releases more. Having sex with someone attractive releases more. Now, the kind that releases the most is having sex with a new, attractive partner. Why? Because, the brain understand new and attractive -- this may be the only chance it gets to spread its seed to this double exciting new mate, so it essentially puts a man in heat, increasing arousal, hardness, pleasure, and ejaculation levels. After all, this may be the only time he gets this perfect chance to breed with possibly the best partner he will ever have, so he must do everything he can with perhaps the only time he will luck out on the sexual lottery. Hormones like dopamine and adrenaline flood his brain with pleasure and excitement -- he's never been this excited or happy in his life.Conversely, male sexual boredom in monogamy has to do with a simple truth: monogamy is an unnatural and suboptimal state for men. It rocks for women, but it absolutely sucks for men. For a man, the dopamine and adrenaline hits from a new partner is reduced every time he has sex with her again until a floor is reached especially if she is either less attractive or has lost her attractiveness. Now, he'll still remember the excitement and pleasure he felt from his first time with her, especially if she looked better then, and he'll yearn for that fantastic hit of carnal bliss again much in the same way you'll probably yearn for the exciting, romantic days of the start of your relationship. Due to the pleasure chemicals getting less until they hit a floor, sex with you gets objectively less fulfilling over time. That's just the way of things.Now, here's the clincher. Don't get too cynical just yet. Adrenaline and dopamine aren't the only neurotransmitters at work here. There is also oxytocin, the hormone that makes people bond and get all snuggly. It's formed by time together, cuddling, screwing, kissing, and so on. It's also released especially hard for a man if he cums inside a woman, especially without a condom on, especially if she gives him a very good orgasm. Oxytocin is how we feel love. Oxytocin makes people more faithful and passionate, so even if the sex isn't the fire that it was at the start, they still care about you and want to be with you. The thing is, however, there's a battle between that and the other hormones. The attraction and attachment systems can and do run at the same time -- there is no contradiction in the brain for a man dearly loving his wife of many years and sneaking off to the brothel every month to get some on the side. Indeed, he's getting the excitement and the closeness -- this is the most fulfilling possible scenario for a man. This is also how most men can fuck someone without love, but paradoxically, cannot love somebody without fucking them. Finding other women attractive and wanting to screw them isn't depraved or disrespectful, it's only natural. Whether or not they do it, however, is all about which hormones win out in the end. Either way, he doesn't love you any less. It's just the way he's wired.I hope that helps.
A
male
reader, ProfesssionalSi +, writes (8 July 2015):
Not all males are like that, just to starters but Coming from a guy who is in that "genre of males' I can tell you there are many reasons. I'm not speaking for everyone but for me I always though I could do better than what I had.. I was with a lady who had a son(wasn't mine) I looked past it for a bit but when we were in public and saw single females I had to go mingle and if I got the her number then I would try and see how far I could take it with the side girl. It could be maybe to see if I still got it!! I was selfish and didn't care for the lady I was with at the moment! She had her problems and she wasnt living with me so I didn't care it was more of she would always be there regardless. I cared for her but not enough to stop my behavior, I don't know if it was the thrill of having sex with different women or bragging it but it continued over 2 1/2 years and over 13 women.
We eventually broke up and believe it or not Im with one of the women I was cheating on her with and for the 1st time Im happy I recently confessed to her about my past and we trying to work it out
There are nice men out there , but even I feel they are dumped or taken advantage for jerks like me best of wishes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2015): Yes I agree it's a grim view of men but one I feel that women can be totally forgiven for thinking liking aroynd at the popularity of demeaning porn , the the stats still showing men more likely to have extra marital affairs than women and the General way women's value seems to be primarily placed in how they look and how young they are.
Men trading their wives in for a younger model is still way more common than the other way around
Men expecting their wives to have the bodies of an eighteen year d after a few babies is still all too common ( just read this site )
Who can blame us women for thinking exactly this
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (7 July 2015):
That’s a pretty dim view of men, wherever it comes from. I never understand why people ask questions about all men, or all women? There’s no truth applicable to all men or all women. Some men crave sexual variety, others are perfectly content with one partner for life. A small number are asexual, so don’t experience a sexual attraction at all. All this applies to women too.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2015): I have asked a similar question too and always seem to be met with people who don't undesstand ( usually men! ) saying oh but you think of other men or movie stars ! What's sad is that they fail to understand that obviously a percentage of women like myself and perhaps you? Do not fantasies about sex with a man they are not emotionally attached to
For me , the emotional attachment is absolutely compulsory BEFORE sexual attraction. That is not to say that o can't revognise a man or woman is attractive but that is different to fantasizing about sex with them.
I would be interested to know if any men are ever like that although from what I gear and see , I doubt it .
Sorry I can't answer your queation , just wanted to let you know that at least some other women feel that same
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