A
male
age
41-50,
*Adorix459
writes:My girlfriend and I were together for 6 years. Her kids became my kids and I their dad. We split up suddenly without any kind of hint of things going awry. One day she just packed up and moved to her mom's. She's had a lot of medical issues and mood issues over the years. Her reasoning. She doesn't feel emotion anymore. Come to find out within two weeks of leaving she went to a birthday party and found herself attracted to a friend. That lasted a day or two and then some musician friend asked her to come spend some time with him and now she's "in love" even though she is not supposed to see him till this weekend. Mutual friend told me. I don't understand why she gets to move on and be happy and I get stuck being sad all the time.
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 You shouldn't just rush into another relationship just for the company. That wouldn't be fair on the other person. Do you see what I mean by the entire situation not being good for the children. They know you as dad and from what I can tell, it's because you've carried out that role so well. It's a shame that they're caught in the middle of it all. However, OP, there's nothing you can do about the situation with their mom but that doesn't mean that you can't still be there for the kids. Their mom might not like that but it's about their well-being. The children also need support through all of this because you've been shoved out of their lives. Just know that time heals all wounds, but nobody ever said there aren't scars left behind so just be patient. It may hurt right now but in time it won't be as bad anymore. You've got to realize that it's a tough situation and things are going to be so difficult to get over but if you focus all of your energy else where then it may not get you down that much because doing things will pose as a distraction even if it's just for those few hours or so. Hang in there OP.
A
male
reader, RAdorix459 +, writes (31 July 2014):
RAdorix459 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPrior to me, the kids were used to having a variety of different guys bouncing in and out. Their dad left when they were 3 and 1. The youngest stayed with a friend of here's last night and stopped by. She wanted to know if I still cared and if I was still her dad. I told her the only thing I knew to tell her. I told her yes on both counts. Their grandmother is just as bad. When we split she decided she hated me. She will have different guys coming and going as well. She's bi polar and supposed to be medicated.She can't support herself or her children because of her illness. I've been doing that. I've been giving them everything. This guy..he can't even support himself. As you may have guessed I actually do know of the guy. He lives an hour away. They won't be able to see each other during the weekend. Neither of them can afford to move closer together.My instinct is to go and find someone else to go and jump in a relationship with,just so I'm not alone, but I know I've got a lot of healing to do. When I'm at work. I think about it but I have enough people around to talk to and things to keep me busy that I stay distracted. I almost hate it when it's time to go home and be alone in a house I got for our family.
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A
female
reader, Dionee' +, writes (31 July 2014):
OP, this woman has issues that she's dealing with and perhaps not in the right way if I may add. Maybe that has something to do with why she's moved on so quick and finds herself in love. Maybe she is just attaching herself to whoever comes along as she's in a delicate state and perhaps has convinced herself that relationships are what she needs. It's a shame that the children get their lives changed in an instant like that and can't do anything about it. Children need stability so it's not a very good situation that she's got them in because pretty soon they'll have someone else posing as their new dad which must be a bit difficult for a child to just warm up to. You must understand that because of all that she is going through, she is not as happy as she may seem to everybody. She is fighting serious issues which affect not only here, but her children. Maybe what she needs is professional help or maybe this new guy just may be a good thing for her but regardless, you should move on with your life. That doesn't necessarily mean a new relationship (you've still got healing to do). Why not try to get out more and make friends because you did say that you've barely got any as they're all occupied with their own lives and relationships. Working on yourself and keeping yourself busy will be a step in the right direction for you. A step that you seem like you may need. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, sure_okay +, writes (31 July 2014):
 I'm really sorry about this, it sounds like a really terrible situation. But if this girl is chasing after different people every 2 seconds, I wouldn't really say she's over it. Especially if she has emotional issues. She's just dealing with it in a different way. Some people hop from relationship to relationship. And I doubt she's in love, she probably was exaggerating- or is excited because new things are going on. Keep your head up. It'll get better. Eventually she'll be sad, and you won't.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2014): "I just don't understand why gets to even give the illusion of being happy and I get stuck with knowing that I lost our family."Because she's a selfish, amoral person who puts her own interests ahead of what's best for her children, otherwise she wouldn't have torn them away from a stable home with no warning. Unfortunately in the eyes of the law having played house with the mother of minor children does not make you a family as you are a legal stranger to her and her children (no relationship by blood, marriage, or adoption). Agree with like I see it that you must take the harsh but necessary step of cutting contact with her children as you have no legal standing in their lives and it is more than likely their mother will soon be introducing another shack-up boyfriend to them as their new faux-stepdaddy. The kids are stuck in the middle of a very unfortunate situation but unfortunately there's nothing you can do except hope that their grandmother can provide the guidance and stability they are not getting from their mother.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (31 July 2014):
 She's not happy, trust me. She has bigger problems than dating someone new can fix. Sadly she doesn't appear to be considering her children's feelings at all if she's given them no explanation or closure of any kind concerning the disappearance from their lives of someone who has been a father figure to them. Pretty selfish on her part.
As harsh as this may sound, your best option is probably to block your ex's kids on Facebook. This way they can't contact you and will not be able to see that your profile still exists (it simply won't show up anymore.) I know it's a tough thing to have to do, but without a biological relationship to them I don't see an option for you to remain in their lives if their mother doesn't consent to it.
Having friends who are married shouldn't mean you can't socialize with them anymore, but if you feel awkward hanging out with couples as a single person it might be time to actively seek out new friends as well. Pick an activity you enjoy and join a club or meetup group centered on that activity. You don't have to do it with dating in mind, but the up side is that you may meet a woman with a common interest and hit things off from there.
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A
male
reader, RAdorix459 +, writes (31 July 2014):
RAdorix459 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told our mutual friend I didn't want to know any of this stuff earlier today and unfriended my ex on facebook. She's known this other guy for years but they've never spent any time together outside of chatting on facebook and all it took was one conversation of him asking her to spend some time with him. It's not anything I can really see lasting as she has no income..he lives an hour away and her mom will have to pay for all her gas. This jerk doesn't even have the decency to come see her. She's 34 and he's 46. To make matters worse. After she left I found that I don't really have any friend's. The one's I do have are all married and do things with their spouses. I just don't understand why gets to even give the illusion of being happy and I get stuck with knowing that I lost our family. The youngest will message me on facebook every once in a while asking when I'm coming over and I don't ever know what to tell her.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (31 July 2014):
If it's any consolation to you, the attractions you describe as "moving on" on her part aren't indicators of her having successfully moved on and found happiness so much as they are further indicators that she is mentally and/or emotionally troubled. Honestly, it sounds to me like she's lost and doesn't know what she wants - emotionally healthy people don't typically jump so quickly between romantic attachments. Casual hook-ups with no emotional involvement are one thing, but declaring love for someone with whom you haven't even hung out yet is something else entirely. Yes, there is the whole "rebound" phenomenon, but usually it's not the person who initiated the breakup doing the rebounding, because that person theoretically got what (s)he wanted.
I know this is tough, and I'm sorry you're going through it, but try if you can not to take it personally, as it's pretty clear she has some unresolved issues. She may not recognize or admit to it, but she could probably benefit from the advice of a mental health professional, as "not feeling emotion" isn't the usual human state.
Unfortunately your only choice here is to move on yourself - a task you may find easier if you limit contact with the "mutual friend" who apparently wants to keep you updated. Hearing about, or checking up on what she is doing is only going to make things more painful for you in the short term.
Good luck and best wishes as you work through this.
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