A
female
age
30-35,
*uperbunny
writes:Hey all,I have a bit of a family dilemma.. It is my graduation in September and my parents are both to attend, but I would also like my grandparents (dads parents) there too as I am very close to them. My mum is not happy with this as there is a lot of anger/hurt/hatred between the parties (she can cope with my dad, but I think she feels there will be like "teams") and would rather it just her and my dad. She said maybe it would be easier if she didn't come and I just cried down the phone to her and haven't spoken to her since - I find this comment very hurtful and unnecessary.They split four and a half years ago but still have not finalised a divorce so emotions are very high and everyone is easily upset/irritable. It's really getting me down about my graduation which is supposed to be one of the proudest and happiest days of my life which is unfair when I am an innocent party in this ridiculous game. My mum would like my brother to come, which is fine, so she feels "suppported" but surely that's unfair on my brother who gets on with my grandparents and dad?Any advice on how to make the situation more bareable/less awkward would be very very very much appreciated - I'm fed up of getting upset over this.Thank you in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): I'm sorry to hear about the problems taking place within your family... but at the end of the day, Graduation is YOUR day, a day to celebrate YOUR accomplishments. They should both put their differences aside and attend.
My parents have been divorced for years, I realize that things are more stable now that they divorced a long time ago, but attending graduations and similar events has never been an issue. Thankfully they turned up for my college graduation.
A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (20 May 2011):
superbunny is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much for answering! My brother is happy to come and my brother and mum will be staying over whereas my Dad and Grandparents are travelling back after. :)Thanks xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): This is YOUR DAY... they need to set their differences aside and celebrate you. 4.5 years is too long to drag out a divorce, but that's not important in this case... tell each of them you expect them to do this FOR YOU!
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 First off, tell them to suck it up - graduation is about celebrating your accomplishments, and both sides of the family should be able to focus on how proud of you they are. No reason to let anyone be a drama queen. Remind them that if it was their graduation you were going to, you would focus on them and not on your own issues.
Remind everyone not to pick a fight, or to respond if someone else tries to pick one. They can be civil, they're grown people. There's no reason any of them has to say something nasty, or tag-team with the harsh comments.
Your brother sounds like he would be a big help, given that he gets along with both parties. Privately ask him to help you play referee if your parents start acting like children.
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