A
female
age
41-50,
*isstressed09
writes:I have been seeing this guy for about 3 yrs. When we talk about marriage he tells me that its him not me, and it's not the time. I love him, and I know he loves me. He is always honest with me all the time, and I'm not just saying that because I haven't always been honest with him. However, he always founds out when I wasn't honest with him, but we always moved past it and this isn't an issue for us.We are both in our 30's, have good jobs, and children from previous relationships. We have both been married, but his only marriage was horrible. Even after 4 yrs she still gives him heartburn. Although, she doesn't make contact with me when the girls visit so there is no heat between his ex and I. We both have children, and they are good kids that like me and vice versus for mine. Nevertheless, I'm ready for us to start our future, but if he's not ready I don't want to commit to marriage that will only to end in divorce. When I marry again, I want it forever. Therefore, if he doesn't want it I don't want him to feel that he has to for us to stay together. I want to leave him, but we have been though so much together which makes it hard to leave. I can't even began to say how much we have been though without writing a whole book. Since, I'm only wanting to find out if I should give him several more years, possibly never, I will spare the details. Thanks, toubled lover!Will this be easier to end now or work though another tough time together...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): Interesting to see into a mans head -pvtguyI too think you brushed aside the 'honesty' dilemma between you. It should've Really bothered him if he was planning a future with you. All I can think of is- he doesn't Want to be married again, but he's willing to settle for a girlfriend. Especially if you warm his bed at night.
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (30 January 2009):
 Hi have you actually told him how you feel about being committed to one another and for you marriage signifies that secure feeling in your life.
It is understandable that the whole marriage thing has put him off trying again as the first time ended in divorce. He also has his children to consider so he is trying by the sounds of things to not cause any more upset for them.
Marriage is at the end of the day a piece of paper and whilst you can promise the earth in front of a minister/vicar that is not what makes people love one another and to not hurt them in some way.
You really do need to lay your cards on the table as it sounds like you want so much more from this relationship and right now he may not be able to give that to you.
How long have you both been divorced?
You also mention that you have not always been honest with him in the past and I think the trust factor comes into your relationship, you are asking a man to get married to you but how does he know that there can be trust there when you have proved it hasn't in the past.
Perhaps getting some counselling may help you both realise where there are mis communications going on, you may talk but it doesn't always mean that you are talking about the right things. At least think about counselling as there are children involved here and their emotional state should come into the equation as well.
I think if you do not get some counselling working through the tough times is not the answer.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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