A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for over 2 years, but I've been really attracted to my guy friend for a while now. My guy friend (I'll call him Jim) writes music and asked me to sing for him last year. So about once a week, after school we'd work on the song together. Then, my bf got very jealous. He accused me of having "someone else," and said I may as well break up with him now and get it over with even though I would constantly tell him Jim and I were just friends. But during all this, I started seeing Jim differently. He was kind to me, and a gentleman. I wondered how this casual friend could be so nice, and yet my boyfriend who wants to marry me could be so cruel and not trust me.Jim always knows when something's wrong, so he would ask how I was during the very rocky time with my bf. I would say, "I'm fine," and he'd say, "You're lying to me aren't you?" and I couldn't help but smile. With my bf, I always have to bury my feelings, but Jim seems to genuinely care about me.Now, my bf has gone to college. I'm still a senior and Jim is a junior. I buried my feelings for Jim as usual, because I knew it would only cause problems. The other night, Jim texted me excited and said he had a new song for me. My boyfriend only texts me 2-3 times a day now and never calls or e-mails or anything, and I've felt alone. So I told Jim how happy I was that he let me sing for him, and he told me he was glad I was willing to sing for him, and that I was "truly a blessing." I said I wasn't perfect and he said, "you don't have to perfect to brighten someone's life." Since then I keep looking at that text and it cheers me up. Then, when he was playing me his new song I felt kind of sad. I'm never going to be loved by someone as sweet and beautiful and intelligent as Jim. I'll never experience the kind of love he writes about. It's like when we're singing, everything is fine. Then the song ends. So he looked in my eyes and whispered (because there were some other girls in the room) "What's wrong?" I said "nothing." I started playing notes on the piano and he pressed the foot pedals and completed the chords. He moved my fingers to the right keys. Then those girls left the room and he suddenly put his hand on my thigh and asked what was wrong. I made up something about how this new song was sad and he said after a while, "You wanna play the old song?" And I said yes, because it made me happy.So, I don't know if I should tell Jim the truth about how distant my bf is being, and how I just feel trapped. I feel like a horrible person for being unhappy with my bf because I know he loves me very much. But I literally have no one to talk to about it. I don't have a lot of good friends, and if my bf found out about how I feel he would dump me in an instant. I can't tell if Jim is just being a good friend or if he likes me. Jim's never dated as long as I've known him. But in my head, I know he's just really nice and helps everyone like he does me. Jim hugs other girls and doesn't talk to me every day. Sometimes he seems sad, so pat him on the head and try to make him smile, but I can't.I just need an outside opinion of my situation, please. For now, I don't have anyone to talk to.
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female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (11 October 2011):
 Hi,
I think since you deserve someone who really appreciate you and wants you to be happy. I think you know deep down that your bf is not the one you're suppose to spend your life with. You're still young, you should probably try things out with "Jim" Good luck!
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