Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): He is hardly someone you should be counting on in terms of a real future. I would end this sooner rather than later.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): to turn the table like that is enough to show you how little he cares about it. The relationship is over and it may be he is looking for your replacement already. I would end it right now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): His reaction is indicative of a narcissistic personality disorder. It is not going to make any difference no matter what you say. He may even think he has done nothing wrong. If you are with this kind of partner you are on your own with or without them. I would opt for without before you start to doubt your own sanity.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Kick this pathetic man out of your mind. He aint worth thinking about. Hes mentaly abusive. There are no ifs and buts about it. Maybe he is only a dreamer anyway, dating site dependance is not for people who have success. In any case, i would get a check, you really dont know how low he has been. Good luck and hoping you dont lose faith in yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Dating sites are the latest craze for people wishing to cheat. No excuse in the world is good enough.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): he down right deceived you and by having a secret phone he knew he was being wrong but he doesnt seem sorry to have been lying and cheating on you and hes also lying on these dating sites to the poor women who believe that hes single. Theres no excuse for what hes done. your whole perception of your relationship is a lie. Get rid of him. you deserve better his bad outweighs his good!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 What else can he do? If he WAS a good guy he wouldn't have cheated in the first place, so obviously he isn't the man you thought he was. I would leave him to himself and his new "dating site" and find a decent fella instead.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (12 December 2011):
His reaction to you finding out is a kick in the teeth, just another way of saying... so what!!! If he was sorry then there would have been maybe just a small chance. It looks very much like you need to end it. Dating sites do not creep up on people in relationships, it is something that`s done deliberately. Leave him to his secrecy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): He is in the wrong not you. It wont ever be the same again. He doesnt even care that youre hurt. Dont waste your life. You deserve much better. Do you want to be with someone you have to constantly check up on? His loss.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): Very simply, albeit not easily since you are emotionally involved and it will be painful for you (probably not painful for him).
You cut off the relationship. You can't believe a word from him now.
He's abused your trust...and then tried to turn it on you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): i could suggest you tell him you are leaving and if he asks why tell him you dont want to invade his space. he wants to be single so let him. turning on you for what you found out shows what you are up against. its called abuse. dont allow any one to treat you like that. what he's been doing is deliberate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): See it like it is. He has gambled a future with you. People who love the one they are with dont gamble. They are not prepared to take the risk of losing the one they love and more importantly would never dream of hurting them. Your relationship and him are nowhere near as promising as you thought. In your situation, along with his attitude, I would walk. You only have one life, there is no need to live it like that.
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A
female
reader, bluecow  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 I would lay it down straight.
Ask him why he felt the need to be unfaithful
Ask him about the behaviour (whatever it was) that led to you feeling you had to snoop
Ask him what he intends to do now
Sometimes men do these things in order to get caught. It saves them the trouble of doing the dumping, and they can make sure they have another one lined up for when you find out.
Regardless of whether you leave him or not, I agree with Candidcally and suggest you get yourself checked over for STI by the doctors. The trust has gone, and he has offered no explanations or reasons. He may not have been sleeping with other women, but without the trust there how can you believe him.
Marriages and relationships do survive affairs, and they are often stronger for it... only you and he can decide if its worth it.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (12 December 2011):
 ** It's time to get rid of him and move on *** ;) Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): I have experienced this and it lasted something like 6 years. Violating privacy was also used against me too. It is only an attempt at keeping the heat off. I am in no doubt that once could be curiosity, but any more and its determination. You have now seen a willingness to compromise your relationship. I would think very strongly about whether this relationship is worth the years of torment,paranoia and emotional abuse that is likely to follow.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (12 December 2011):
 He turned it on you because you're letting him steer the wheel. So what if you invaded his privacy? How you found the information doesn't change the fact that he is registered on dating sites and has been texting strange numbers. What do you think makes a stronger argument: that you checked his phone and looked through his history, OR that he is cheating on you? What's worse? He would be denying it and trying to blame you no matter how you found out. Cut this loser out of your life.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (12 December 2011):
You ask him why he felt the need to violate your trust and the integrity of your relationship by having dating profiles while he was supposed to be in an exclusive relationship with you and a secret phone used to text others.
You wouldn't have felt that violating his privacy was necessary unless he gave you a reason to. What were the red flags? Tell him you have nothing to hide from him, and that anyone in a long-term relationship has only a limited amount of privacy. If you caught him, his dating profiles weren't exactly private, were they?
Finally, you should leave him. If he has been with other women without your consent or knowledge he does not have your best interests at heart. Please make an appointment with a doctor or clinic to be tested for sexually transmitted infections. If he has been seeing others while seeing you, who knows what other risks he has taken without your knowledge?
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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: