A
female
age
30-35,
*aliMoore
writes:Its coming up to xmas and for a month my bf of 4 months has been asking me what I want for xmas. He suggested a budget of £50 and I agreed. I hinted I wanted him to get me a promise ring, he soon seemed to forget within a week and would say ahh don't know what to get you for xmas. And he one day asked me to just tell him, so i did. He later just acted as if he had forgotten and asked me what I wanted again. I showed him a top and he aaid ok but it wasn't very special. I felt abit disappointed that I wasn't getting a ring, he then came round one day unexpected anmd caught me sghowing my mum rings on the internet. She mimed to him aaying that's what I wanted without me knowing at the time. When she left the room he then went on the pc picked one and said what about this for xmas. I said yes and got very excited. Thinking ah finally! We went to cambridge shopping to get it and he said 'oh I don't really wanna get you a ring, how about this necklace!' Which shocked me, I was so looking forward to it. I was extremely disappinted and actually felt quite upset. In the end he got me 2 tshirts, not quite the definition of special.. Do I have any right to feel this way abouyt him not wanting to get me one?? Xx
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female
reader, CaliMoore +, writes (24 December 2010):
CaliMoore is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know 4 months doesn't sound like much, but we've been together longer but only 4 officially, we have also been best friends for over 3 years before we got together. So our relationship is very serious. its just disappointing that he kept talking about it and pointing out rings getting me all excited and then said no last minute. I know it doesn't mean much if he's pressured to get it, but as he got me all excited for it he didn't seem it so I didn't know he had doubts. So it looks like I won't ever get this promise ring :/ the meanings kinda ruined but thanks for all your advice! Much appreciated xoxox
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): Don't sweat it! It's only been four months. My husband and I have been married for a year, but back when we were dating, we had been dating for seven months before he got me one. Truthfully I'm glad he didn't get me one right away, because I wouldn't have been ready for it. Maybe you are and that's great, but he apparently isn't. Just be patient, he'll come around. I mean, would you rather him get you a ring now because he feels pressured or later because he genuinely wants to?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (24 December 2010):
 Bottom line, you should never demand anything!
I was always brought up to believe saying "I WANT, never gets". Its very selfish.
A ring is a very powerful symbol - not just a piece of jewellery. DO you actually know what a promise ring is all about? Really? Or do you just want a pretty piece of bling?
You have wedding rings, engagement rings, promise rings, eternity rings. They all have very special meanings and are not given because one persont wants one, but because the giver feels it is the right time to do it. These are things not to be given lightly or because you are being bullied into it by a girlfriend or even worse, her mother!
you have only been together 4 months, barely a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things.
Promise rings are often precursors to engagement rings. you are only 18-21, I very much doubt your boyfriend is ready to settle down just yet. If you are still together in 2 years, then yes, fine get a promise ring, but 4 months.... its WAY too soon.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 4 months? Promise rings imply commitment, pressuring him to buy you one makes it meaningless, you'd get a pretty ring, yay go you.
Seriously. Wait until the relationship is more serious for that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): Don't I know it! :p
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 lol yes, herlovelyworld is the resident expert on this topic :D
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 It's not Christmas yet. Sounds like he's trying to convince you that he got you something else so you'll be surprised when he DOES get you one. You won't know for sure until after Christmas has come and gone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): If i've learned anything about asking for promise rings (believe me, I have lol) it's this -
Don't.
Hinting is okay, but don't pick one out and say "this one!" Let the man decide which ring he wants you to wear, thus making it more special. Let him do it on his own time, otherwise you'll be pressuring it on him and apparently men don't take kindly to that. :p
I know you're disappointed, I've been there myself. I asked a similar question about promise rings on this site a while back, which then caused a pretty massive shitstorm on what NOT to do in relationships. Keep things positive. He did get you SOMETHING for Christmas. It may not have been as special as you wanted, let him know that you were hoping for something a little more intimate but you appreciate his efforts nonetheless! 4 months is a pretty short amount of time for something as serious as a promise ring. It seems like you're jumping into things way too fast? That kind of thing can take years to build on. He did think about you enough to get you something, and that can speak volumes as to how much he adores you. Men don't just buy presents for laughs.
Basically, don't read too much into it. It's only been 4 months. He got you a present that you did somewhat want. It's special in the sense that he got you something. Don't ask him for a promise ring. Let him decide if it's something he wants to get you himself. Drop hints, subtle ones at that. But don't flat out ask him for one because the gift he already bought you is insufficient. A relationship isn't based on material things, and at 4 months... you still have quite a lot of building to do. :)
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (23 December 2010):
Well much worse would be if he had bowed to the pressure so that he pretended he was ready for the additional commitment a 'promise ring' implies.
It's not the money value of the ring : it's what it is supposed to mean.
It means zilch if he only gets it because of pressure, rather than because he feels that way.
So drop the subject totally and at once.
Be glad you have a bf with a bit of backbone. He may or may not develop a desire to match your desired level of commitment.
If he doesn't and what he is offering ( what is that btw ? - are you at least getting plenty of horny sex ? ) does not satisfy your needs say a polite goodbye and look to some other man to fulfil you.
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