A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a long distence relationship for almost 5 months now. He is a very nice guy. We get along. He makes me laugh. But sometimes If he's just with me because he's desperate.We met an a convention in the summer. at the convention he had his hand around one girl. then it was revieled he had basically played 2 other girls telling them they loved them in the same month. The girl he was with at the con dumped him. He and I didn't talk after he con for about a month. then we had one convo on facebook and he said he liked me. I told him I liked him at the convention. The next day he texted me like crazy saying he thinks he's falling for me. I said I wanted to take it slow. but he never really calmed down with the insane texting and such. He is a great guy but It buggs me that he just seems to be trying to hard. We have very differnt views on a lot of things (ex:him = uptight ultra conservative,old fashioned, christian extreamist, wants to be in the military + me = openminded (about religion)liberal not at all old fashioned) His clingyness is so annoying. and he's also clearly very insecure with himself so I'm afaid to hurt him. But he might just be with me because he's desperate anyway!Sometimes I think I love him But I just can't see us together in the future. He says he loves me. He even says he can't live without me (which I know is supposed to sound romantic but it really just creeps me out) He thinks we'll be together forever but honestly I don't think I can take this much longer! Is there any way to get him to be less needy and annoyingly clingy? How do I know that he's not just dating me because he's desperate? Should I just end this relationship ASAP?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi question writer here!
thank you all for your imput!
I have decided it is defenitelly best to end the relationship. I don't like hurting him. But Sometimes I need to just focus one what will be better for mein the long run. I'd like to know though,what would be the best way to tell him. I can't do it face to face, over the phone is to costly so should I text him? or do it through skype so it's sort of like face to f and thatace? But then he'll plead and say all this BS about how we're just going through a "rough patch"our "love" can overcome these challenges. then probably get all self pittying and whine about how he can't do anything right....WHAT SHOULD I DO!
A
male
reader, tobson  +, writes (9 January 2012):
"We have very differnt views on a lot of things (ex:him = uptight ultra conservative,old fashioned, christian extreamist, wants to be in the military + me = openminded (about religion)liberal not at all old fashioned)"[....]" I just can't see us together in the future."
I just quoted this from your question for you as I believe it contains the answer already. Why would you want a long distance relationship with somebody so apparently incompatible?
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A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Be blunt with him, and tell him how you feel.
This will be far less painful for him in the long run, and may make him take a long look at himself.
It also may help you to see another side of him that you haven't seen yet.
He is probably a player, and he seems to be used to rejection, so he is most likely an unsuccessful player, his game is flawed, badly.
I have more respect for a woman who can be honest and blunt with me up front than one who will lead me on. As hard as that is to take, at least she told me, and thus setting us both free.
You could say something like, "Lets try being friends only. Friendships last longer".
It is definitely creepy for him to say he cannot live without you. That's way too needy of him.
And one more thing, long distance relationships have a very high failure rate. You can point this out to him as you explain the friends first policy to him.
Personally, I wouldn't even waste my time on someone like this, or a relationship of this type. There are way too many available, happy, closer, single, confident, secure people to be found.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Seems to me that you don't have the same "level" of feelings for him as he "claims" to have for you.
You say you sometimes "think" you love him, but is that because you think you SHOULD love him, since he is so into you?
I think he is an attention monger, pure and simple, the world revolves around HIM, everyone should pay attention to HIM...
You are letting him control everything. You wanted to go slow, he didn't listen, you don't have much in common either, you really see yourself with him long term? My question is this, why are you still with him?
You have to decide if you can live with it (you can still tell him that he needs to cut the texting down) or if it's too much. If it IS too much, you need to let him go. Maybe he can find himself a girl who wants nothing else but "spam" on her phone.. And for you to find a guy who is a better match in every way.
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