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female
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*ovaholic
writes: Dating 8 months. Great guy, but I am the poster child for what NOT to do. Too much baggage, too needy, not happy. He broke up with me because he isn't in love with me. He says he misses me and his brain says to stay with me, but his gut says I'm not the one. Saw him today after he emailed saying that it's better we stay apart although he misses me and he still wants (with his brain) to be with me. I deserve better speech, etc etc. Then he asks my opinion on his thoughts..I say I have none unless he wants to talk about them. I said I understand and I am ok with it and I agree. Then he asks me to lunch. Of course I go. He tries to get me to talk about the email and his feelings, but I just say unless he has something different to say I heard him loud and clear and I agree and I'm fine. He wanted to know if I was sad, bad, glad etc..I just said I'm fine. We finished with lots of small talk. He walked me to my car, asked for hug. Then we kissed (kinda passionately) I said "gotta go!" Off he went. Do I play this I-don't-care game as I have been advised by all these books etc and have the possibility of getting him back or did I just make him feel better about dumping me? He said he'd talk to me soon.
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female
reader, Just me tth +, writes (28 October 2005):
First of all stop downing yourself. What do you mean by too much baggage, being needy and not happy?Don't we all deserve to be happy and feel wanted.Most men will not talk about their emotions and feelings.Sounds to me that he is as confused as you are and that is why he tried to put his feelings and insecurities into an email and hoped you would both be able to openly discuss both his and your insecurites when he then tried to talk about that email. Until you both learn to accept yourselves you cant expect to understand each other so if he does again approach the subject in his masculine roundabout way you should encourage him to open up.Through talk you will either realise you are not meant to be together or will learn to appreciate and understand each other and realise your love for each other.
A
male
reader, LucidCupid +, writes (26 October 2005):
What books have you been reading!!??Throw them away!Look,I can answer this very quickly.I can understand your confusion,but basically this guy doesn't really know what he wants and isn't 100% happy with who he is,so until he is he can't truly love you.He only misses you because no one likes to be alone.He's admitted you're not the one so let him go.You also need to look at your own life and try and resolve these issues you mentioned.You will never have a satisfying relationship until you do.I'm not saying you two couldn't ever make it work,but you both need time apart to sort out your feelings and priorities.
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