A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am from a religious culture. Half a year ago, I lost my virginity to a man much older than me. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't resist the temptation. I loved him and I am still in love with him. I told him several times I was not ready and virginity is something I really value a lot. I need to give it to someone I love and loves me back. But when we got intimated, I did not mean intercouse. He still penetrated me. I felt sad, but he told me he was too excited to control himself. I know I have myself to blame for. I even shold not have gone to bed with him. But I did love him and the feelings were strong. Now he is with someone else. It hurts me badly. It gives me the impression that he eithere never loved me or it was a shallow love. It broke me heart to think that I might have been take care of and he only wanted me for sex. I regret it badly. What should I do. Should I try to get him back as I still love him. I do not know how to tell my next partner that I lost my virginity to a man who is much much older than me.If you need to know more, I will update on that.Thanks.
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male
reader, Rhandy  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 dont give your love to the one who didnt love you, even though you lost ur virginity, what matter most is you are true to yourself and i know there sam1 in the future who will mean for you. just wait.
A
male
reader, logicdebates  +, writes (23 June 2008):
Consider it a mistake and learn from that. There is a such thing as "second virginity" please keep that till marriage. If anyone asks, say you were tricked into losing your virginity but you are staying celibate till marriage. Also remember if a guy says he loves you, it should come from his heart, not "privates" If he wants to sleep with you, suggest he marry you first. If it is love, he will agree. If it's lust, you will never see him again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Your from a religious culture, you know the values that your society holds dear. You were young, and this guy was older, but this is no excuse. You can't get him back, he dosen't belong to you. He is not in love with you because he is now with somebody else. You were not raped, you choose to lie down with this man, and you chose to indulge in sexual activity. The fault is totally yours, you were wrong and now there are consequences.
Now on to your virginity. You loose your virginity when a man penetrates you with his penis. This did not happen and therefore technically you remain a virgin if anybody dares to ask. If this man penetrated you with something else or used another part of his body, he may have broken your hymen, the standard proof of virginity.
The good thing is you hymen can be broken by many things. Riding a bike, using a tampoon, medical examinations, riding a horse, I've heard it can be broken if you do vigorous excersise or gymnastics. Some women don't even have a hymen, they never had one from birth.
I have now given you enough information, and it is up to you whether you tell your future husband the truth or give him one of these excuses. I'm sorry this man has betrayed you, and I'm sorry you made the wrong decision when you choose him to love. Learn well from this experience, and be more carefull in future.
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A
male
reader, anathaniel +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Hi There,
The feelings that you are experiencing are typical of the guilt that accompanies pre-marital sex in religious situations. What you have to understand here is that Virginity is just a made-up social concept. The circumstances of intercourse are also questionable- if you told him not to penetrate you be he went ahead and did so, its not sex, its rape, whether he could control himself or not. It is obvious that he didn't use protection and exposed you to an unwanted pregnancy or a disease.
If this person has moved on to someone else, I think it is time that you did too. “Trying to get him back” may not work, and frankly, he's not worth it. I suggest ou move on and search for someone who will genuinely care for you and is comfortable with the pace that the relationship is taking. But ensure that your relationship turns sexual only when you want it to.
About telling a man that you're not a Virgin, I think in today's day and age, any man who asks his mate that question is not worth being with. But if you're asked that question, the answer that you give will vary based on the circumstances, I cannot give you a one-size fits all answer here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): It sounds like this guy raped you, or at the very least took advantage of you. No, you do not want him back! As far as discussing this experience with future partners... how old he was is really no one's business but your own :)
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