A
male
age
30-35,
*ukef23
writes:Ok, about 6 months ago I started talking to this girl, she's an international student from China, and after around two weeks of talking we decided to meet each other. Now I did find it strange that she let me sleep in her bed the first night. And we had a little physical contact, but nothing actually sexual the first night.The next day we spent the whole day together and everything seemed great. After that we continued to meet each other another 4 times and starting being sexual on the second. She told me she feels we're great together and I told her she's my only one now, i want a relationship with her.Unfortunately, the next time we was supposed to meet she delayed the plan by five days. I found out she had met someone else for coffee and that she'd had dinner with her ex and his friends because he was returning to his country. Also she had been chatting to some guy who was showing her attention on facebook and he had accompanied her to go shopping in the daytime.I confronted her about all of this. Her response was that she didn't think I was serious and because she'd return home in a few months she didn't think there was any way for us to be together. She assured me that she wanted me and nothing happened with these other guys.So I left and considered never seeing her again. But my feelings for her brought me back and we tried to get past it. After that we had a great month together. Spent nearly every day together and everything seemed fine.....At the beginning of June she told me she wanted to apply for a airline vacancy in Dubai. I supported her and said she should follow her dream of being a airline attendant. I helped her prepare for her interview and did anything I could to help her English pronunciation.As it got closer to her flight date she started to seem volatile towards me and aggressive sometimes. Saying I don't trust her because of before. Also in this month having sex was an issue as I couldn't stop thinking of the possibility of her being with the guy's she had talked to/met the previous monthsAbout a week before she was due to fly to Dubai, I had arranged for us to see her favorite singer(Rihanna). Unfortunately the day before we had a huge argument that resulted in her putting scissors against my chest and me pushing her away. I know that should of been a big warning sign too walk away.I decided that we should still go to the concert as she'd be going to Dubai in three days and then returning to China the next month. So we went to the concert, enjoyed ourselves and returned home. That night I remember her specifically saying ' I don't feel like having sex/ being intimate because I'm nervous about the interview and flight to Dubai. I understood as we'd had the huge argument just the day before and we were just feeling good towards each other after the Rihanna concert. The next day we held hands, went shopping and kissed. I asked her what are we doing together after the last few days. Can we try again?, Are you my Girlfriend?. She said she was and she'd miss me when she was in Dubai.I promise I'm nearly there, bear with me;). When she was in Dubai, we spoke everyday. When it was my birthday she wished me a great day and said how much she missed me. Apart from the day before my birthday where she didn't reply the whole night until the morning. This made me suspicious about where she was. Anyway she returned the next week and called me the first day. We spoke on the phone great and she said she had missed me so much and wanted to see me now. So I thought everything was ok again and went to her place.But when I arrived the mood dramatically changed and she said that because she would return to China soon we should maybe just be friends as there was no way for us to continue our relationship. I was so surprised as she'd seemed happy to see me again on the phone and before she left to Dubai had told me we was together.We talked it through and continued to see each other until about a week later when I discovered something......She had a previous bf in Dubai who she met many years ago in China and was with him for a month before she came to England to do her studies (2011). So she hadn't seen him for two years.It turns out the day she never replied me she was actually at her exes home in Dubai. The day before my birthday:(First she said her friend needed some information about employment over there, so she wanted to meet him and just talk. Her story is that he didn't pick her up until late, arrived at her hotel at night so they went back to his place. Then he slept and left early for work. She slept in the living room, on the sofa and left the next day.Unfortunately the truth from the evidence I got was that she contacted him first wanting to meet him. He responded and agreed to pick her up and talk over dinner. Her reaction was 'Ok, so happy:)' But he stated that he would drop her back to her hotel afterwards.The next morning she sent a text to him saying ' I'm leaving now, the door is closed but not locked, I'll miss you, Kisses.Then it looks like she returned to his place to wait for him to arrive from work. Message reads ' What block/room is it?'. 'Okay, have you eaten dear?', Next time I'll cook breakfast for you;)'His responses seem cold……only saying yes or ok. She is giving him the attention but he was busy and didn't return to his place, so she returned to her hotel and said she would stay in contact with him and hopes he can visit the UK someday.I really know that she behaves in these disrespectful ways. I maybe should have left the first time but it was the beginning and I'd told her I wasn't serious with her because she'd return home anyway.But I still thought we would be together and I specifically asked her if she was my girlfriend before she went there. I don't know if they had sex/slept together.She denies it of course. Says it was stupid to have met him but nothing intimate happened and she's moved on from him.But she had said how she didn't want to be intimate the day before she left. And when she returned she said maybe we should just be friends? How can I believe that meeting her ex wasn't her plan all along?Fast forward now, she extended her visa by two months, we lived together for this time and became very close. She told me the past was because she thought we wasn't serious. But now she loved me and wanted us to be togetherI feel like I love her and I want to move to China to be with her and hopefully return to the UK together. Her family know about me and she met with my family two days before she left the UK.So now, it's been two weeks without her. We talk everyday, we say we love each other and I plan to return to China with her when she comes to the UK in November. But i'm hesitating because I really can't tell if it's going to work or not. So many things happened. Not just once. At the beginning of our relationship and then in June. But the last two months have been natural and I feel really serious about her.What should I do?…..How can I discover if she was intimate with her ex?……Do you think this type of girl can be committed to one guy?…….Can I trust her when she's lied so many times?Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated……I'm really broken at the moment:(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2013): "How can I believe that meeting her ex wasn't her plan all along?"Lacking any evidence to the contrary, you can't. "What should I do?….."Stop acting like a lovesick sap, take the blinders off, realize she's a lying, cheating, conniving, potentially violent little wench who is playing you for a fool and dump her."How can I discover if she was intimate with her ex?……"You can't, you can only rely on your gut instincts and not fall for her lame, self-serving BS excuses."Do you think this type of girl can be committed to one guy?……."No, she's a user who takes what she can get from guys before discarding them."Can I trust her when she's lied so many times?"You should have known you couldn't trust her from the first time she lied. Stop thinking with your penis and start thinking with your brain or else the red flags that you've conveniently chosen to ignore will not only keep popping up but they will continue to escalate. After she put scissors to your chest you took her to a concert instead of walking away as any reasonable person would have done. What are you going to do to make it up to her after she thrusts a kitchen knife into your chest? If you think you're in love with her then you have a very warped concept of what love is and I respectfully suggest you seriously consider counseling because if you don't come to your senses soon this sham of a relationship is going to end very badly.
A
female
reader, :)31215 +, writes (14 September 2013):
 I would not trust this girl. Seems she's using you for a nice home set up when she needs it, but still living the single life when you're not around. The texts/messages she sent are definately flirty, no innocence there. She knows exactly what she's doing. Cut your losses and find someone who is worthy of you.
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A
female
reader, PeachCobbler03  +, writes (14 September 2013):
 During the course of your six month relationship, she's met one guy for coffee, had dinner with one of her ex-boyfriends, went on a daytime shopping trip with some random guy, and stayed two nights at another ex-boyfriend's home in Dubai.What was the point in her going to his place to discuss employment, when they could have discussed this over coffee, in a public place. And if that wasn't enough, she spent the night...twice!Here's the deal...she has a consistent pattern of disrespecting you and disrespecting the relationship. You asked "Can I trust her when she's lied so many times?" Now, go back and reread that question Lukef23. Does it make sense to you to give your trust to someone who has lied to you numerous times?You two been in a relationship for only six months, and you're ALREADY having issues with her. Can you imagine putting up with this for another six months, twelve months, two years, etc.? This is not a healthy relationship at all. I would definitely show her the door, and tell her to not let the door hit her on the way out.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 September 2013):
 I wouldn't even bother finding out. This post reminds me of this guy:
http://www.dearcupid.org/people/soul83
Just a coincidence that the girl is also Chinese, travels a lot, not trustworthy, uses guys for convenience and also crazy. Don't ever become soul83.
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