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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: hi i wonder if anyone can please help me as i feel so distraught inside right now. i am 20 and my girlfriend 17, we have been together for about 18 months now and she is the first girl i have been in a long and serious relationship with. my love for her is undenying and up until a few days ago she was the most clingy, possessive and jelous girlfriend in the world which led me to being a bit distant from her a lot of the time has she never wanted any time apart to allow me to miss her. she took this as i didn't feel the same for her as she did for me. this is not true one bit. we practically moved in together from the start and have been living in each others pockets ever since.on the weekend just gone, friday, we went out to see some old friends in the area where i used to live (a few miles away), she knows many of my friends too who are male might i add. well, after a few drinks in a pub we moved on to this club sort of pub and i was getting a little drunk and must admit can't remember a lot. i remember her dancing all around my friends but i ignored it, however after a few more drinks i started to get a little annoyed by it and we ended up having an argument. i know there was this guy there that she was 'friends' with and i knew he liked her and was single.after an argument i left the place and walked away to clear my head, i went for a walk with a friend to another pub. this was at around 3am bareing in mind. when we couldn't find another pub open i went home expecting to see my girlfriend, but she wasn't there. i didn't feel like calling her at that point because i was still so upset and angry. in the morning she called me and explained that i was nasty to her and she had gone back to her nans that night to sleep. but she was very drunk and i have managed to catch her out on a few white lies such as who answered the door to her when she got home etc.i heard from a few people that she was all over this one guy who said about earlier, which leads me to believe that maybe she spent the night with him. she claims he got in a taxi and went his seperate way and she staggered home, which i found a little hard to believe. after she called me the morning after she came round to get a few things and we weren't speaking because i was still upset with her. she left her coat and took a few different things with her. later on i looked in the coat and found a number on a piece of paper, which happened to be the number of the lad she was dancing with!now, it has been nearly 5 days and although we met up the other day and talked and i have talked to her lots on the phone, she seems extremely distant from me. she says she wants space which is completely out of character for her, she went out last night on her own (she says to a friends work do) even though i threatened to end it with her if she did. she ignored me. she text me at around 11.30 saying she had come home and asked what i was up to. she does still seem a little concerned about my where-abouts but to say a week ago i couldn't even go to the toilet without having to explain where i was going, she is a different person.she says that the only way we can go on is her way, or nothing at all. where she has around 4 nights off a week to 'do her own thing a bit', which to be honest has completely ripped me apart. i spent every living moment with this girl and worshipped the ground she walked on for the last 18 months, although i have had my own faults such as drinking and ignoring her. but i feel i only became distant because she drowned the relationship. i kept asking for space and now i have got it, but i wanted 'healthy space' such as a few hours apart from her here and there.instead of going back to how things were and gradually taking a little time apart (like i want to) she says its not happening because she wants more time off. her behaviour is really strange and i can't help but think she has developed feelings for someone else. but i can't work out how she could change her feelings for me over night. she says i am the one she wants to be with and how much she loves me but she thinks the only way it will work is her way.she is a very possessive natured girl and has been from the start, she could never control this before and i can't see how she has just switched on this 'indepdant me' act over night.my world is in pieces. i can't sleep for the thought of her with this other guy and although she texts me still and wants to still be my girlfriend i can't help but think she has other plans.christmas is on the doorstep and i am being flooded with the thoughts of spending it alone and reminising on the last xmas i spent with her, a happy time. she is the girl i want to be with, i have talked and talked to her and explained that what we have is special and she agrees, but i can't understand this change of behaviour. am i being taken for a mug while she has her cake and eats it? as i am the only real security in her life as she doesn't really have a stabe family life. does she want to fly her kite since i am the only lad she has ever slept with? we have had splits before but she has always come back to me and gone back to her old self within a few days but i cannot work this out. is she playing mind games or what?please somebody help me and give me some advice as i am in so much pain right now i feel like i can't go on without her :( i am trying so hard to ignore her now because i have been creeping round her the last few days and i think she is loving the attention it is not getting me anywhere, i was more distant before and she worshipped me! like the saying treat them mean keep them keen but i was never really mean, just bogged down with it all and needed a little space. this is not what i wanted at all. i keep imagining that she is with this other guy and has fallen for him. could she just snap out of loving me so quickly?should i just continue to ignore her and play it more cool? because i don't want to keep running after her because so far it's not got me anywhere :( please anybody out there. would appreciate any words of advice or opinions on the matter :( thank u
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Hey i'm a girl..and i'm the SAMe way as her!..i was VERY "Whiped" and did everything he asked..and everylil thing..posibul...and never got A SINGEL thing in return..i started out "Phisical" with him..and that's how we got 2 gether...but he was also seeing somone else and was engaged 2 her...and that made it VERY real that i could lose him at every sec..so i made damn sure i did my best 2 keep him happy even if i wasn't gettin nething in return..but i didn't care lokking back now it was the best of the relashionship...but ya...lst year the called it off..and broke up..left for 3 months..NO questions alll didn't even know he left..i thought he left me i ddind't know...and he came back and we acted like we did before...except now that he dosn't have his other girl friend i don't feel like i have 2 try as hard..and he is SO much like i was..he's clingy controling....well i wanst'n controlin. and things have been slowy goiwn down hill we've been fighting ALot i still LOVe him with everything i got.. don'stn' mean i don't cus i don't giv him that attention...but ne ways..what i'm tryin 2 say mabey there was somthing there that made her feel likeit could go wrong 2 keep her right..i duno if that makes sence to you!.but i HOPE so!...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2006): why not give it a month like me ... and if she doesn't change try spying on her. u think about it she may never tell you the truth and she may dump you for no reason and the question will always be there in your mind
did she or didn't she.
my advice 2 u is. wait a month if she's still not back 2 normal try following her (without her knowing) and see what she does my ex the saturday night thing. she's been acting werld i'm gonna wait a month and then i'm gonna spy on her 2 c if she's got a new guy or not. the only way u will find out the truth is 2 spy on her. girl's sometime's tell the truth but not all the girl's
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2006): i read your story and i think she may of met someone new and want's to build a friend ship with the guy without you around. why? i don't know. but i can say i've been where u r right now.
last weekend my girlfriend asked me if she could go out with some work buddy's (3 girl's) thinking i would be leaved all night i let her go out alone. the club closed at 3am and i was hopeing 4 her 2 walk throw the door at 3.30am i made her promise before she went out she wouldn't go back 2 anyone's house for any after drink's she promised me she wouldn't.
3.20am = she txted me saying she was going back to 1 of her work mate's houses 4 a drink she asked me if it was ok i agreed but only till 4am y because i was tired thinking about it now i sould of said 5
4am = i txt her asking if she booked her cabshe txt me saying she was staying over but i thought she meant she was staying a bit longer so i asked her how long u gonna b she txt me back saying she was going to stay over for the night i txt back saying y but then i thought i would ask her so i called her which i got " oh my god he's just belled me " some guy saying " put the phone down " and her phone went off. till 10am the next day the guy was her friend's husband.
10am = the phone was on i belled it and she didn't answer it.
10.10am = i belled it again she answered it saying she was comeing home.
10.30am = she got home didn't look borthered she been out all night (made me think she was with some guy) i slept 10 mintues at the most. i quetioned where she came from but she told me another way. and when i said no u couldn't of come that way because the cab came another way she was like " oh i was another friend's house "
that day we was fighting all day. she was txting her mate's her on her mobie till 3pm where she was moaning she was tired because the girl's that stayed over with her coundn't stop laughting so she got no sleep (like that's my fault). she had a little sleep till 5pm when my mom asked me 2 ask her what she wanted 4 tea. i woke her up and i thought 2 myself i would clear my sent message's from my phone. as soon as she heard a phone bleep she jumped up (from sleeping) 2 see where her phone was. after tea she deleted her sent message's and she stop hideing it from me. that night went great i got a hand job in the bath she give me a 10 second massage.
the next day (monday) she came home and it felt like she been out another night was mega distance away from me i sat on the sofa she sat on the computer stair when i said come and sit with me she sat at the other side of the sofa so i had 2 move up 2 her. that night we got in bed and i asked her if she wanted me to tickle her back (she love's it help's her sleep and relax) she said (NO) she never say's no it's always if u don't mind. so i asked her if she still fancied me. she got out of bed and walked off down the street 2 her mom's and 2nd days later she dumped me.
saying she need's 2 be on her own because it's to hard 4 her it's xmas i'm alone where still gonna be friend's
do u think she cheated on me?
1 week after the night out i'm hearing rumor's about her going back 2 some guy's house that night and when i questioned them 2 her she told me it's all bull shit she didn't go anywhere with any guy.
she told me she'd been cheated on before and would never cheat on anyone the way she got cheated on by her ex.
i believe her now but now she want's to be on her own.
she want's her own place (way away from me) so i think i know how u feel.
do u have any idea's on how i can get her back?
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A
female
reader, artistical_bumblebee +, writes (20 December 2006):
 i think se you may of offended her i mean criticsim form your lover is could but ppl take it in different ways good or bad i think she may have taken it negatively and you do need to decide what you want from her its not fair of you to say to her you want more space and then to say you want less space , you could be sending her mixed messages you need to sit down with her and talk about the issues on your mind she says she stil loves you and wants to be with you babe she probly does but needs space to think about what she wants to. every realtionship has ups and downs this is jus wan of yours let ur realtionship takes its natural course and chilax do something for yourself love does hurt but its worth it all in the end relationships need alota work so if shes worth it trust her relax noone wants to be posessed by ther partner she was posesive over you and i would let the other guy thing rest cuz if you keep pushing it she wil think you dont wnt to be with her or dont trust her enough and then she wil start questioning your relationship ppl can lie only she nows what she has dne so talk she may of jus been with the other guys 2 gt petty revenge but i do not think it was major theres not enough evidence to support that at all . hope this helps and gd luk xXx
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006): oh how the tables have turned!!!
from the beginning she was possessive and clingy which you didnt like and now shes backed off from doing this you dont seem too impressed with her???? what are you trying to tell her really?? love me unconditionally just dont be all over me?
your right to stay away from her for a while creeping around her may make her think that your watching her every move which may just cause more arguments between you both.
The question you asked "Did she cheat on me?" is a hard one to answer. Shes the only one who could really tell you.
the main point you need to sort out is what you REALLY want from her.
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