A
female
age
30-35,
*DMarie89
writes:Hi! My boyfriend and I broke up after two and a half years together at the end of January because of my over the top overreacting and how I handle things sometimes. It started out as a break but I panicked and it turned into a break up. I kept calling and texting non stop, sometimes sending hundreds of text messages in a day and a few times calling 65-300 times in one night. Then I would go three days or so without calling him n then break and he would talk to me a bit and we would be ok, but then I would start to panic again and the cycle would start. This has been going on for 11 weeks. Finally, the last time I panicked, he ignored me all together for three weeks and the one day I really panicked and started calling crazy, he threatened to block my number. I panicked that time because I got a clue that he might have a new girlfriend. The other day i told him i was robbed at gunpoint and he finally broke the silence and showed concerned and even said that he would try to find some money to send me (we're jobless college seniors). Then yesterday, after calling around 25 times, he finally answered and was very annoyed. I was just trying to ask why he had been ignoring me and treating me coldly and why he wouldnt answer my question about whether or not he had a girlfriend. He told me that the girlfriend situation was none of my business, and that its over and all but whispered for me to move on. I'm pretty sure that they're talking though, but I don't understand because shes in another state and they havent seen each other in person in the past 3 years. When i asked if thats what he wanted me to do he hesitated and said yea pretty low. I told him he wasnt even being a friend and he said its because his other friends dont call 65 times in one night.I have cried and apologized. I even sent two small gifts, one for valentines day n one just because over the past 11 weeks. We're in two different states for school but are from the same city. We were already in school when we started, so most of our relationship has been long distance. I miss him so much and he is being so cold and distant and he keeps threatening to block my number if I keep calling like crazy. I know he told me to move on, even though he all but whispered it, but did I really ruin my chances of fixing this by trying to fix it too early? We will be home for summer in a few weeks, do you think he will come around if I just fall off the face of the earth for awhile? We were so in love. Planned our wedding, named our children, went on vacation, he even rode the greyhound 15 hours there and 15 hours back to come see me several times. He's not perfect but he's really a good person, and I didn't mean to mess things up and push things to this point. Will he ever come back around?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): You ahve to elave him alone! you are an overbearing human being, and come off super clingy and needy. Honestly, he is pissed and within reason. STOP CONTACTING HIM.HIS GIRLFRIEND is none of your business, you broke up, grow up and deal with it. I am your age, and a female, and I would not dare call a guy more than once, let him chase you for once.All your "clingyness" makes you look extremely unappealing even if you are the hottest girl ever. Get your own life, and maybe guys will find you interesting.Why would eh want to talk yto you when all you do is meddle on his affair, and personal life? He must have been drained from dealing with all those calls a day.I've had exes like you, every time they contact me, I roll my eyes...some people are just dramatic.STOP CONTACTING HIM, if he wants to talk to you, HE will initiate. He clearly is happy somewhere else.
A
female
reader, CDMarie89 +, writes (20 April 2013):
CDMarie89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do feel crazy and I'm not making excuses. I am not mad or think he is wrong for not wanting to talk to me. I'm am seeing a counselor and actively working to get myself together for me. I just feel really bad because I pushed things to this point trying to fix it, not fully realizing that I was ignoring the real problem. But I really do love him and I'm really sorry for coming off like this because it was not intentional and I am letting it go to focus on me, but I do hope that it works out one day. I talked to him a little today. Nothing serious, but it was pleasant. Just text messages.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (20 April 2013):
 Clearly this relationship is over. I don't think you are crazy though, you have low self esteem at the moment and that with the recent events can cause you to exhibit some extreme and abnormal characteristics. You need to delete his number and remove anything that reminds you of him. You're not doing it for him you are doing it for you, thinking about him all the time hurts you and only you - he will move on just fine. Lean on your friends and family (that's what they are there for!), get out, change your style or you hair or your hobbies. Try something new. Just block him out for a while, soon you won't have to try and block him from your mind, you will (slowly) think about him less and less. You can get over this...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 April 2013):
 You need to speak to your doctor about this frantic panicking, it isn't normal, and it is ruining your relationships. Yes, your panicking and excessive calling caused this to happen. You need to deal with your problem, not make excuses for it. NO ONE is responsible for your panic attacks, only yourself. You need to control yourself, and if you can't you need to learn how, and if you wont then you can not complain when people no longer want to be your friend or boyfriend because you drove them away.
Deal with your problem. Talk to your doctor. Get into therapy.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 April 2013):
 You are criminally stalking him. I had an ex who did exactly what you're doing, and I ended up getting a restraining order and he spent a month in jail before he got the hint, and even then for months he'd physically follow me around.
You have to let the guy go. Talk to a therapist if you're having trouble "weaning" yourself off of him, but what you're doing can give you a criminal record with the amount of unwanted contact you're forcing on him.
Seriously. You're stalking him. He wants no contact, and you're terrorizing his phone and texts (30x is normal???). Did you lie about being robbed at gunpoint just to get him to talk to you back?? Stop that madness!
Seriously, you're a walking restraining order waiting to happen, and no guy is worth getting a criminal record which will not only mess up your job career, but any guy who finds out that you've had restraining orders taken out of you will think twice before saying yes to date you!
Get a grip. Stop obsessing. Get some professional help before you mess up your life! You're sending your life into a tailspin, and you've got to get help before you do something you really will regret.
This guy is over. He's no longer a possibility in your life, so you have got to stop obsessing!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 April 2013):
 .. Oh so only once you called him 300 times, while normally you would not exceed 30 ...
OP, are you serious ? Does this sound even vaguely marginally remotely normal to you ?
That was not overreacting, that was going berserk ! I'd say you are lucky he did not call an ambulance from the psychiatric hospital ! Or maybe, the police too- that's stalking, not being persistent.
He must have been very much in love , very patient and also rather hapless to let you carry on like that before finally getting scared and giving you the heave-ho.
Yes, he is gone, he must have gotten both scared and tired. Not that it has necessarily been an easy decision for him, maybe it was painful, but ,really, which other choice did you leave him ?..
Colour him gone and don't even worry or think if he will come back or if he is dating another girl or anything, you need to worry about yourself, acquiring impulse control, becoming functional and dealing with frustration in a socially acceptable way. You need to seek specialized help , if you can't make it on your own, and the sooner you start the better, otherwise your next relationship (s ) will be a nightmare too and may actually land you in a court of justice.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (20 April 2013):
By texting and calling hundreds of times in one night, you only confirmed to him his reasons to break up with you....
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 April 2013):
 I severely doubt that he will come back around.
Girl. Calling over 5 times if it is not a 100% EMERGENCY is NOT OKAY. Emergency as in: someone is in the hospital. You just got into a horrific car accident. Somebody broke into your house.
Robbed at gunpoint - now this was a reason to call a bunch of times.
But if you are calling this many times just to get his attention, just to check in, that is not cool at all! It is making you come off as completely psychotic, and I'm sure that are not. It is no wonder that he broke up with you, since you act so possessive of him. Hundreds of texts in a day? Maybe even hundreds of calls? That would freak anybody out. It's not only an overreaction, but it's intrusive and irrational. To you, I'm sure you have good reason, but to the rest of the world you look like a crazy, crazy girl.
Ignoring you is his only option! In the hopes that maybe you'll get the point, maybe you'll stop calling him. I'm surprised he hasn't blocked you by now. If he picks up, then he's just getting himself into this cycle again. He has a new girlfriend, he's done with your relationship and you should move on.
I don't mean to sound cruel. I know there is a difference between how you feel and how you've reasoned what you do, and the way that everybody sees you. But here's the thing - what you're doing is not healthy for you and not healthy for any relationship. I think - I KNOW - that you need to get yourself into therapy so that you can calm these anxiety and trust issues that you appear to have with fellas, so that when you find a relationship, it can be a healthy one and not laden with a constant need for attention, validation, reassurance or whatever it is that you seek from these constant phone calls.
I genuinely think that therapy may help you become a healthier, happier person. And can help your future relationships be just as happy and healthy. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2013): To be honest, I think you probably scared him off. 1, 2 or maybe even 3 missed calls is enough; if he sees you have tried to call it doesn't matter how many times you do it- he will only call back if he wants to. I would say calling 5x or more is too much, and the other figures you give are obviously off the scale. He probably doesn't want to have to deal with that sort of behaviour- it just isn't normal and certainly isn't healthy, either for you or for him. You need to be more rational and think things through- your bf is right, friends would call once or twice and leave it at that.I think you need to cut your losses and let this guy go. What's done is done and I think your bf is probably very uncomfortable with your behaviour and doesn't want to be involved with that sort of thing again. I also think that you should perhaps look at your own feelings and try and get to the bottom of all this calling and why you have been doing it. If you are getting problems with panic then maybe you should see your doctor or a counsellor and try to address what's going on.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CDMarie89 +, writes (20 April 2013):
CDMarie89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI only called 300x once, and he actually talked to me again after that. I've called between 65-100x about 4-5 times. Other times, I would not exceed 30. I know that's still way too much, but I still wanted to clarify. Also, he seems to be really into this girl, but I'm confused because they go to school in different states. How could he leave our long distance relationship and jump into that one with someone he hasn't seen in 3 years?
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