A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with a guy for 7yrs and we were blissfully happy up until last November. He is 3yrs older than me. We bought a house last November which he probably pushed for more than I did but we both knew it was the right decision deep down. After that everything went downhill we didn't get to spend an awful lot of time together as he works long hours and he was also completeing a college course between it all and was failing dreadfully so he really felt the pressure between working on the house, money and everything all at once. We then had a break last March as I didn't know him anymore didn't eat, didn't sleep, wouldn't talk to me always pushing me away which I realised later it was guilt he totally freaked out didn't know if he loved me anymore didn't know if I was what he wanted anymore but yet could tell me not to be with anyone else while we were on our break which I could never understand..Anyway cutting a long story short I found out he was cheatig on me last May with a girl he works with she's the type of girl that you would never bring home to your parents, she has a reputation and is really well known and not very attractive by any means. she had feelings for him but he swears to me he hadn't any for her. He said he liked her and she was someone else away from his homelife and that was it. It had been going on since March.. I broke up with him went to the solicitors to sort the house out etc..He begeed me in June to get back with him told me he messed up so on..he now seems very certain what he wants and tells me eveyday how much he loves me and will never do it to me again. He admits being confused and says he freaked out. He text this other woman when we got back together and told her not to contact him again as I had decided to give it one last chance.We are now stronger than we ever have been but Its really hard for me I will never forget what he has done to me but he's a new man again the man I remember falling in love with.A few weeks ago I decided on the quiet to text this other girl whom is married with 2 kids. My messages was very dignified I just basically told her not to cross my path again I could have very easily confronted her husband but didn't as they have a family and I'm not that sort of person.She text be back 2 days later telling me how much of a saddo I was and that my boyfriend was never confused he basically wants what he cant have and now he is settling for 2nd best which is me. My boyfriend was very annoyed with the message she sent me and admits there was no need for it and seen a different side to her.I am starting to think there is some truth in that message, why would she even think or say such a thing when she was the bit on the side or was she just trying to hurt me?Do you think its possible that my boyfriend had a midlife crisis and felt the pressure of everything or was it the fact that he just couldn't keep his trousers on that he got a bit of attention from someone different and couldn't help himself?I am really confused...
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 28 is a little young for a 'midlife' crisis. I suppose youre mileage may vary. Sometimes casual sex can be just that without having any meaning or affecting his feelings for you (as I once tried to explain to a very angry woman in a supermarket). Sometimes it may just mean he's inclined to cheat. If she's "well-known" by which I assume you mean she has a reputation for engaging in casual sex, that's the type of girl who does attract men to have meaningless sex with her. (Whether it had any meaning for the supposedly depraved woman is, of course, not something you or he seem to know or care about).
Take a look to the future and evaluate whether your relationship is strong enough to carry on. If it is, put this episode behind you.
A
male
reader, jambo427  +, writes (23 September 2010):
sounds like a pritty good guy to me... except the part where he cheated... stuff happens in a relationship... in mine i was with a girl for about a year and we broke up for a month and i slept with another girl and she claims it was cheating.. because she thought id run back to her at all odds... but yeah in my oppinion what he did wasnt an accident she didn't rip off his pants so its 50 50 hes a bit shallow and obviously doesnt worrie about the fact of losing you... where as me when i was dating my gf i worried bout losing her so i wud never jepradise that by doing something so stupid... but yeah maybe it was a midlife crisis but either way it was wrong, i feel once something like that happens though you never have the same amount of trust for that person ever again thats why me and my x decided to end it... she still texts me and says she misses me and stuff but its just little games... taking him back was chancy, lets hope it was a midlife crisis but either was if i was in your shoes i wouldn't have aspecially if you guys have a house together... a life... nah thats just wrong, but just my opinion :)
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (23 September 2010):
 You say he's three years older than you, so he can't be more than 28. He's nowhere near having a midlife crisis at that age. It sounds like he wanted to play the field a bit before settling down, which tends to happen when a couple takes a break from the relationship but doesn't break up.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 In this case, ignorance would have been bliss. You were happy and yet you chose to text this woman anyway? Were there trust issues?
I honestly would ignore everything this woman says. You got your message across to her and that is all that matters. I do not believe it anyway, he was already with her at work, there was no need for him to 'settle for second best' was there? He was the one that broke it off with her right? He chose you not because you were second best but because you were the woman he really wanted.
I hope that helps.
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