A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. From the begining his ex, mother of his two children, has been harrassing me. She's jealous of me and wants him back. She is also jealous that her kids love me. She really went off the deep end when she found out I was pregnant. She has made his life hell as well by trying to keep his kids from him. She has gone lower than low by saying horrible thing about our baby like that she hopes he dies or that we will be lucky if he isn't retarted like my other kids. She also threatened me while I was pregnant. Our son is a month old now and I haven't heard from her in a while. She just sent me a text telling me she went over to his house the other night and that they slept together and I better hope she doesn't come out pregnant. He admits she was at his house but swears it was just to try to talk things out so they could get along for the kids and absolutely denies they slept together. He tells me she disgusts him and that I have his heart. I don't know if I should believe him. He always tells me everything that is going on with them yet failed to mention she was at his house from 1-3 in the morning. I asked him to send her an email saying something like 'you know we didn't sleep together so stop saying we did.' But he won't. He says everything is cool between them now and he doesn't want to mess that up. I might be able to get over him cheating on me, but not with her, not after what she has said about our son and all the stress she put me through during my pregnancy which we both believe caused my preterm delivery. How can I know if what she says is true? I know he loves me and doesn't want to lose me or his son so he has every reason to lie to me. Yet I know she wants to break us up so she has every reason to make this up. Please help!
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female
reader, Lark36 +, writes (20 February 2011):
Oh boy, a Red Flag I noticed: He was at her house at 3in the MORNING?Just talking? Nobody "talks" at 3 am! I'm sorry but he cheated. And he's trying to cover his scumbag tracks. Come on, wake up! She needs to stop harassing you so what I suggest is for you to go the police first thing today, fill out a harassment complaint( bring proof if you have it), and do not stop until she is slapped with a No Contact order or a restraining order. Seriously. For one, it will instill some fear in boyfriend if something IS really going on. Notice how he reacts to you doing the above. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAuthor here again with more of an update. As unbelievable as the whole story sounded with the "3 jabs" and just to get her to drop the restraining order and everything else he told me about how he hates her and thinks she is disgusting- its true. I ended up talking to her. She cooberated everything he said. She told me she came on to him and thought they could get back together but the whole time he didn't even look at her. They both kept most of their clothing on. There was no kissing or foreplay whatsoever. And after less than a minute he stopped and she asked him to keep going but he told her he couldn't and that he felt sick and he hated her and to leave. Afterwards he told her he only did it in hopes of her dropping the restraining order because she wants to see him again so that way he could see his kids more, but that he just couldn't go through with it because he loves me and to please not tell me because it would hurt me too much. She has no reason to try to make me feel better about this at all so I know she isn't lying. She's thinking we are friends now so she's telling me more in a way of "can you believe how this jerk tried to use me" and calling him impotent, thats why it stopped.
I'm not saying what he did is okay and I will not ever forgive him or get back with him BUT it does give me peace of mind to know that he didn't do it out of pitty or love or affection or even lust for her. Yes he's an idiot, but at least I know he still hates her for what she said about our son. He even sent her an email that she forwarded to me telling her how dispicable everything she did was and how much he regrets what he did. She gave me an apology for everything she said and admitted she was jealous but said since he's been born and she's actually seen him and has seen how much her kids love their new brother that she realizes how wrong she was and just wants to make everything right now. I don't trust her any further than I can throw her and I'm still devestated over the whole situation but I have been put at ease and I will be okay.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Good for you. I can't believe he cheated on you (while you are pregnant) with someone that could threaten a helpless baby, makes me so mad. Restraining order on him, it sounds like the whole situation is kind of whacky.
Good luck sweetie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): What man stops after 3 jabs? Really! Your man slpet with his ex bec he wanted to. He has a history with her and he will have sex with her again. He is just so disrespectful to u to still lie about the 3 jabs thing.
He now has 2 baby mommas fighting him. Do u think there are more? You cannot and should not trust him.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): I'm sorry you're in this situation. But I think that whatever you feel is the case...is the case. If you don't want to forgive him, don't. If you are able to forgive him, then do so. But whatever you do, don't let this make you doubt yourself. Your boyfriend is just a jackass. He's stupid enough to think if he slept with her it would make things easier about seeing his kids but he failed to realize that she would use that in every way possible to hurt you. I agree if he's done something you can't live with then don't live with it but she's gotten what she wants. I think your man is just a dumbass and now he most likely knows better than to try to give her what she wants. I would think about forgiving him and trying to make it work. I doubt he will do it again. He needs to take her to court and demand he be able to see his kids so he wont think he has to give in to her like that. I'm sorry though. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the author of this question and I am writing to follow up. He came to my house this morning and told me it was true! He did sleep with her. He still claims he hates her and she disgusts him but that he only did it to try to get her to drop the restraining order she has against him and let him see his kids but he stopped after "3 jabs" because he knew it was wrong and felt so sick. I don't care what his excuses are. He betrayed his son by having any sexual contact with someone who wished death on him. I flipped out and told him if he wants to see his son again he can take me to court and tell the judge all about how he's sleeping with someone that wants him dead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I agree with Honeygirl. This man is selective with what he is telling you. Why are u not living together? Why is she alone with him at his home? And he conveniently doesn't tell you. Big problems here. As 'vile' as the ex is she will never make up this story bec she knows he will dispute it. Why is he not? Girl trust your gut and be very cautious. Seems like lover boy is playing with 2 baby mommas.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (8 December 2010):
Has he always told you the truth before? He probably just wanted to spare you the stress of knowing she was over there, although he should have told you. One to three in the morning is ridiculous.
I can understand that its hard watching your kids love another woman who is with their father, you start questioning yourself and if you are good enough, but she went way too far.
If you don't believe him after confronting him, then send her an email yourself pretending to be him. I don't understand why he wouldn't if they didn't sleep together, even if they did patch things up.
She sounds completely nuts.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Okay, some red flags here - he was alone with her in the early hours of the morning, and failed to tell you that she was with him.
He also claims you are his everything - so if he was so into you why wouldnt he disclose the fact that he has had contact with her.
I think that he is probably flattered by all the attention - must feel great to have 2 people fighting for your attention.
Hunny, start being a detective and look for the signs. If he is being truly faithful to you he would have nothing to hide..
Good luck
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