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age
41-50,
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writes: I met this guy online and after a couple of months he flew to see me. On our first real meeting he brought a friend and all three of us had drinks. He covered my portion of the bill. The second time I met up with him over coffee, I paid although he offered to pay and said it's on me, but I found myself handing the waiter the money first. It was awkward for few minutes then the date went on smoothly. Do you think I wrecked my chances of getting a third date? Or worse did I emasculate him by taking the lead by paying? I know he's going through difficult times and is jobless at the moment, but he still flew miles and miles to see me. Help please, ta x
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Call him, see how he is doing :) It beats waiting by the phone .
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo you really think the ball is in my court? Should I call him first? ta
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks for your comments folks!! I appreciate the prompt replies and open-mindedness :) --this happened last night, so I reckon there's still time for him to call/ text and suggest to meet up again soon... Thanks again x
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): If he's flown miles to see you, his fare when he is out of work must have taken ages to save for, I would imagine he thought it was great you paid for the coffee.
It shows you aren't there for his cash but as an equal if you see what I mean.That you appreciate his effort to visit you rather than taking the micky.
Good luck x
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (11 January 2012):
 We are not concepts, people in general.
Take me for example. I am a dom in the BDSM world. It is a concept of who I am under a certain scenario, this being sexual. Unlike the other doms, who are usually assholes, I could not give a damn if someone told me to go get them water and they were a "sub".
I would get them water.
To me, and to anyone who is intelligent, our roles do not define us, we define our roles.
If someone makes a big deal out of something trivial, then they are not worth dating.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 January 2012):
I don't think so at all. He'd have to have some issues if he was bothered at all by what happened.
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male
reader, tobson +, writes (11 January 2012):
wow
well from my perspective as a guy: yes I do like a woman who steps up and takes the bill once in a while. No worries here. No fear of emasculating anyone...especially over coffee. I can understand that for a dinner date he might prefer to pay but that is chivalry and I personally dont feel rejected if she pays too.
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male
reader, JakeChaucer +, writes (11 January 2012):
Im a guy, you did a nice thing, you stepped up to the plate. Relationships should be an equal partnership and a 50/50. How you guys decide to split up a bill is your buisness. Hes lucky to find an understanding person like you. Either way you Win, you did the right thing. If he doesent want to give you a 3rd date because you did the right thing f$%#@ him. Dont worry! Everything else went good im guessing so no worries!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): Honestly I think it was a nice gesture, Women want to be treated equally no? You stepped up to the plate and paid. I think any guy would see your kindness, He would be an ass if he dident give you a third date and you will find one better. I wouldent worry about it! (im a dude)
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2012):
No, paying for coffee is OK, if he can't handle that.. what else can't he handle?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 January 2012):
 I don't think so... when did this happen and have you talked to him since?
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (11 January 2012):
 Don't think you have ruined your chances to be honest. There are alot of people out there who expect the man to pay on dates, but alot of guys find it sexy when a woman insists that she pays her way.
I am one of those girls who insists that she pays her way. I don't go out with guys so they can pay for me, i don't think that's very fair.
Why not suggest that you take turns to pay on dates, or even go halves sometimes?
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female
reader, Starlights +, writes (11 January 2012):
 Have you spoken to him since?
I dont think you've wrecked your chances; if he's flown all the way to see you then shows he has some interest in you.
He would not be put off by that.
Goodluck!
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