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male
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anonymous
writes:Hi,I have written lots of responses on this site myself but want to remain anonymous for this I hope all the pro’s like Bev and Irish49 can help me with this one, as well as anyone that can give me a thoughtful response,I am a guy in my late 20’s, I have come out of a very long term relationship several months ago, I am pretty sure I am over it now (took a bit of getting used to). I also changed jobs at the same time. A few weeks ago I went out on a social night with my old work friends (2 girls I get on well with). One of them (Ms K) brought a friend (Ms X)During the night the friend (X) came on very strongly and we ended up kissing in the club (no more than that, we just went our separate ways home afterwards).I am quite shy and find it difficult to make new friends. I am so sensitive that it has made me quite wary of meeting women too. Getting all this attention after a break up was unusual as women don’t really come on to me (even when I wasn’t single I realised this about me). I didn’t have the willpower to turn down her (X) advances, and we actually get on quite well in conversation (another thing which I was pleasantly surprised with).But very recently I have noticed my friend (K) from my old job is not responding to texts or e-mails.I can only imagine I have crossed an ethical boundary by meeting her friend. Her friend is nice, but if this is stepping on my old work friends toes then I would rather stop it before it gets anywhere. Me and X have suggested meeting up on our own, but now I don’t know whether to go through with it.Just in case anyone tries to suggest it, the work friend wouldn’t be jealous, we have a kind of brother and sister relationship. (I have had lots of female friends and they are all like that)I know I am going to have to speak to my old work friend (K) about it very soon, but first I just want to know if I am being my typically over-sensitive self, or whether she is wrong in any way; have I crossed one of those rules about not meeting a friends friend without permission etc. Is she wary that I am still on the rebound? She may think I am not right for her friend at this time. I probably have a lot of emotional baggage that she doesn’t want her friend involved in (K told X that I am a very private person I guess inviting the question about whether X can deal with that or not). Does she have a right to be unhappy that her friend and I have made a connection that X isn’t involved in?Thanks for your help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses,
Wow, despite my saying the contrary, 3 out of 4 say K likes me. When I think about it, she has given all kinds of signals in the past where if I thought she did like me, there would be a long list of things I could say that would mean it was almost obvious. But I have been wrong about this so many times before with my female friends that I cant tell the difference between a girl who cares about me as a friend and a girl who sees me as more. I do actually like K, but she is a bit of a free spirit, would probably get bored with me fairly soon, and anyway I think she is way out of my league.
I value her friendship way too much to risk it for someone I don’t even know and its a bit upsetting that is blanking me like this so i will probably have it out with her over the next day or two and see what her problem is before making a final decision on X.
Most likely outcome is K fobs me off saying she has just been busy lately or something so i get no answer, leaving me with no idea what to do next. Knowing me, I'll probably cancel the X thing for fear of annoying K further.
Thanks again for the kind words, more are very welcome!
A
female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Well, I wonder why K would be upset about you and X? It doesn't make much sense, really, as I have always been happy when my friends have hooked up with each other (you know, you picture yourself standing next to them at the wedding taking credit for the whole thing!) Hmmm... I realize you don't want to upset your friend, but seeing as how you don't know why she is upset because she hasn't explained anything to you, I think you should not worry about it so much. Maybe there is something about X that she is concerned about and it isn't you?? Either way, if you like Ms. X, I think you should go for it and see what happens! Also, I know you said K couldn't possibly be jealous, blah blah, but when one of my male friends finds a girlfriend and stops hanging with me so much, I get jealous. Even if we have a brother/sister relationship because that means they are paying less attention to me! Also, if you were in a relationship for a long time and then had to spend some time to get over that, maybe she does like you and just didn't say anything.... ok, sorry, but someone had to say it anyway, even if you don't think this is the case! Obviously you are a catch if some girl is making out with you upon meeting you for the first time, so maybe all these girlfriends you have think you are really cute and just haven't said anything because you were tied up with something else.... either way, good luck with your new friend -- have some fun!
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female
reader, shania +, writes (6 March 2006):
 You and your friend Ms X,are two grown adults,she didnt have a gun to her head when she ended up kissing you.I think your other mate (k)is overreacting.Surely its your business whether you end up having a relationship with this other woman or not? If i was you...i would meet this woman you like and get to know her better,because,before you know...she might be your future soulmate....whos to tell?...Send a txt to your other friend and explain that you enjoy this other womans company and that you dont want any ill feelings....if she still ignores you then maybe she wasnt a true friend after all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): Smeedle here, forgot to log in again, Good evening mr sensitive, and that is just what you are, you are too sensitive to the feelings of others for your own good, it is obviouse that K is jealouse of your possible relationship with x who for the record sounds great and would be good for you!.K fancies you I am sure and yes I can hear you deny this, but she does, she is giving all the classic green eyed monster signals and you are so sensitive you are picking these up and feeling you are the guilty party.This woman thinks you are hot as does X so my dear if I was you I would date K and see how you go, life is for the living and you need to party.K will either get over it or come on to you herself, this will be interesting as you could have both women fighting for your attentions, (lucky bloke!)I know what you said about work collegue not being jealouse as you have brother and sister relationship but really you need to take off your tinted glasses and see what is going on, brother and sister relationship when you had a partner but now you are on the open market you are fair game again and she made a big mistake introducing you to K as she wanted to work her magic on you herself when she was sure you were over past relationship.Think about it, it does make sense of the way she has acted.Go for it with K!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): You should go through with meeting X anyway. K probably feels awkward or maybe she even likes you, who really knows until you talk with her sort this out. It is also possible K may have tried warning X about the rebound issue. Ultimately, it's what you want to do. K is an obstacle. X is your happiness. Think about it.
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