A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a 2 minths now and we had sex for the first time last weekend, (I lost my virginity to him, he has slept with girls before) and a few days later we got onto the subject of different places to have sex, he mentioned a few and how they are good and I didn't like it. I don't know if it was jealousy but I don't like the fact he was talking about how sex in a pool for example is really good, the thought of him sleeping with another girl makes me feel something I don't like. How can I help this feeling?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): I know who you feel. I lost my virginity to my BF who had slept with other girls. I didn't like him even referring to them let alone their sex life. He did it alot in the first few month and in the end I had enough and totally when mad.. I cried, shouted and then cried again.. After that things got better and he didn't even mention her and if something dose come up (his sister like to bring her up all the time just you piss me off) he avoids even saying her name.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): Insecurity is ALWAYS going to be there, but it's a needless pest, that does nothing productive but gnaw at you... Making you paranoid, anxious, import insecure ... It's vicious cycle...I think in your situation I would definitely talk to him about your concerns- you're close enough to be sexually intimate for the first time, and remember it's important to be open and communicate these deep feelings, so that trust and bond is maintained in the relationship... But remember confidence comes from you, and you should never rely solely on someone else for reassurance... If you feel really inadequate maybe talk to someone? I don't see why he wouldn't understand, I completely see where you're coming from... I'm a virgin and that talk would make me feel uncomfortable, and tbh if I found he didn't try to understand my concerns I would really doubt he was the right guy for me. I hope this all works out for you. Take care! Xx :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 September 2013):
 He needs to create memories with you that are fresh for him too. When it comes to the subject of sex, it's hard to avoid past exes. I just tell myself to not think about it. Luckily I am not the obsessive type. When something unpleasant comes to mind I could will myself to think about other things. Because I don't want to make myself miserable. If you feel it's not possible for you to do this then you need to slow down on this topic. It's okay to let him know you have this issue and that it would help if he can wait until you bring the sex subject up. You may feel better when you feel that the relationship is more solid, so you feel you and him are one, and you can differentiate yourself from other girls he's had.
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