A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused33
writes:i just broke up with my bf and i dont feel sad. I'm 18 and im really attractive but i've never had a bf before him. We had been together for five months and he was my first bf. he is the most perfect guy ever, he is sweet, sensitive, smart, funny, and really does love me. he's 21 yrs old and is store manager of a restaurant and that kinda bothers me because i never pictured myself dating someone who wasnt in college (btw im in college right now) and he also has two kids from his ex gf. Idk if what i felt for him was love of if it was infatuation or if i was just scared that i would never find anyone because no one would ask me out. I mean this guys wants to marry me and tells me he'll do anything for me but idk how i feel about him. We just broke up he called me and was crying and i didnt even feel sad i just felt bad for him. I just want to know if what i felt for him was love or was it me just wanting to be in a relationship? what do i do?? should i get back with him or should i move on??
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broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, move on Reply to this Question
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 He clearly feels more strongly about the relationship than you do. Moving on is the most fair thing you can do for him. Hey, it happens -- that's why we date before we get married, to figure out if we're on the same page. Whatever your motivation was, you're not on the same page. It's sad for him, but it's part of life.
A
female
reader, Confused33 +, writes (20 September 2010):
Confused33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone who has answered my question i really appreciate it but i was wondering if i could get some feedback from a couple of guys???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): If he was your first boyfriend, I think it can be hard to tell what your feelings are. I had my first boyfriend when I was 17, and I didn't love him. I think I was just infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship. My next boyfriend, he loved me and I thought I loved him back. We were together for six months, but I realised that I liked him more as a friend, and nothing else. I broke up with him, he was really upset and heartbroken, but I wasn't. He was a nice guy, but I just didn't feel the same way. I wanted to be single instead of with him.
Looking back, I can see I wasn't in love with him. I liked him and thought he was a great guy, but that was as far as my feelings went. I only felt real love when I was 19-20. So it is possible that you like him, but do not have any deep feelings for him.
If you are not sure though, then that is okay. We can't always work out what we are feeling right away. Sometimes we need time for that to happen. I think you should stick with your decision, and stay apart from him. No matter how he may feel about you, if you don't feel the same way and want the same things, it won't work. It is sad that he is so upset, but going back to him in an effort to try and make him feel better will just make you unhappy, and will be confusing in the long-run.
He may be upset now, but he will recover. I think that, deep down, you know what is best for you. It is hard when that is the opposite of what someone else wants. But if you would like to move on, that is perfectly fine. There is no right or wrong way to feel. The way you feel is okay, and I think you will one day be able to look back at this and be able to make more sense of what the relationship meant to you and what your feelings were. There is no right or wrong. So do what you think is best for you.
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (20 September 2010):
 It is pretty clear that you don't love him. Let him go find someone who will
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A
female
reader, MissUnderstanding  +, writes (20 September 2010):
Hey!
I have also recently got out of a relationship with my 1st boyfriend(im 17) and it lasted 2yrs. I did feel sad, but not as much anymore. I certainly still have feelings for him but i do wonder, given the fact im almost over it already,'Did i really love him?'
Realising that your relationship was shorter doesnt make a difference because i belive you could possibly love someone in less time than that, maybe not at first sight, but, you get the point.
It seems to me that if your feeling sorry for him while hes crying to you over the phone, he possibly loved you more than you think you loved him. I think maybe you didnt love him, you quite likely just wanted to be in relationship and wanted to know what it would feel like to love and be loved back.
Saying this, getting back with him would be a bad idea as it would be out of pitty. Maybe just let him know you still want to be close with him(if thats what you want) but only if he will be able to handle a friendship between the two of you without always showing that he wants more.
My best bet is to wait. Be single for a wile. dont worry about no-one asking you out atm. When you stop looking is when its most likely to happen. Trust me!!
Hope this helped. Feel free to Llet me know how it works out in the long run.
Miss.U
x
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A
female
reader, Priyanka09  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 Hey,
If you didnt feel sad or anything inside to see him crying, maybe you did like him but liking was not sufficient to be termed as love. I think when you are in love, you would not ask anyone of it. You would know yourself what these feelings are. Infact when you know it is love, it is love. Noone can define or prove love for you. It has to come from within and if it dosent come naturally, then it just wasnt there. So you can be happy you dont love him, and if you are fine with moving on, just move on. Find someone else for yourself and you never know this time it might be love.
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