A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My dad has been having an affair for the last 6 months to a year and has now asked my stepmom (whom I am very close with) for a divorce after 18 years of marriage. To make it worse my dad is 59 and his the girl he has been having an affair is 32 years old and married herself but living apart from her husband. I am 31 years old and I am absolutely disgusted that we are a year apart. My dad has nice posessions and I am afraid she is only interested in money.I asked my dad 4 months ago face to face if he was having an affair because of my suspicions and he lied to my face and told me no but he had plenty of opportunities. I feel so betrayed! I never want to meet her and do not want my children to see them together and think that their relationship is okay (affair/age). Luckily, we live several hundred miles away from each other. I have not spoken to him in almost a month since he called me to tell me about her because he got busted with her and I really have no desire to talk to him. I am completely embarrased by his behavior and what he has done to our family and have no respect for him. I am a Christian and I am supposed to forgive! Am I handling this right? I really don't know if I could have trust in my own father again.
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female
reader, Priyanka09  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 hey,please dont take any decision in anger.... It is never correct. Even if you want to end your relationship with your father, you may do that, but once you are in calm mind. Let your anger cool, take some deep breath, take your time and then decide with cool mind if you want to end it up with your father.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt takes 2 they are BOTH equally to blame. He cheated and she persued a married man. Period.. Unfortunately, I have zero tolerance for this behavior and will NEVER accept it or her. Its very sad that it happens all the time and society accepts it. Even when I am ready to forgive I'll never forget and our father daughter relationship will be impaired. I guess I've made my decision now and will stand my ground. I am prepared for him never to speak to me again if he continues his relationship with this bimbo and if he does he loses not only my mom but also his ONLY child and grandbabies. Boy he will be a loney old man when she leaves him for someone younger! He has not even tried call me to see how I am since the day he called me to tell me about the affair because he got caught and it has been 3 weeks!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): I don't think it's fair to place the blame on her as the entire reason for the destruction of your family. Your dad is mostly to blame in that. Besides, what good will it do to tell her parents? She's an adult and their own daughter so they probably already know the deal about her relationship with your father. And although this kind of thing is an awful to do, it still happens all the time and people everywhere are forced to accept it. I'm sorry. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Priyanka and Honeypie!
I still have not spoke to him but I have a letter that I have not sent. I'm not sure when I will send it I keep adding to it because I get more mad and hurt everyday finding out new things. I have found out that she is staying overnight at his house several days and they are telling each other they love each other which makes me want to vomit! I feel like he is jumping out of one marriage and jumping into a new relationship. This is my father and this homewrecker is young enough to be my sister I do NOT want to see them happy together because she is part responsible for destroying our family! I really want to find out who her husband is and her parents and tell them how she destroyed my family.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): I don't think you're handling this wrong at all. If you're angry and do not support hid behavior then don't act like you're ok with it. But I would suggest eventually speaking to him about your true feelings because he is your father & he won't be around forever. And on a side note, it may not last & he may realize he is making a huge mistake & that he has lost the respect of his daughter & access to his grandchildren because he is no longer a role model for them because of his poor choices & disrespect of family. And also, his girlfriend may not just be after his money, she may actually love him too. I do feel for your step mother though. You are good for giving her support during this terrible time in her life. I'm sorry your father has let you down this way. But overall I think you are completely justified in your reaction. The best of luck to all involved.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 September 2010):
 It is devastating when people you love and trust turns out to be doing things you consider wrong. Honestly I would be furious too.
The thing is he is OLD enough to know what he is doing is wrong.
YOU are also old enough to decide if you want to see/talk to him or not. This is not only something for you to forgive really, that is for his wife first and foremost. And Christian or not, if you feel like he betrayed you too, you have every right to be mad at him. Forgiveness doesn't always come easy, accept that. Though no matter what, he will always be your father.
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A
female
reader, Priyanka09 +, writes (20 September 2010):
Hey,
I completely understand your feelings, and I dont think you are mishandling it. Its extremely difficult to imagine your dad cheating on his wife. Somewhere for all of us, our fathers are our ideals. We look upto them, and if we see them doing such things, how can we look upto him. Its even more disgusting for you to imagine if that girl is your age. All the circumstances are going against you. You are close to your step mom, its been 18 years to their marriage, this girl is your age. Everything about this is difficult to handle.
But in all I can suggest to you, that you can either decide to keep yourself distanced from your father, or probably once see if you can counsel him. Telling him what he is doing and how it is going to harm your loving, caring family. If it dosent help, maybe you will have to learn to let him live on his own likings and dislikings. But maybe try once to counsel him, you never know if it might help.
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