A
female
age
36-40,
*ucky03
writes:My baby's dad is being horrible to me and trying to control things. We hooked up one night and had a baby never even dated. We were sort of seeing each other a couple of months ago but behind my back started seeing someone else. Now he's telling me he doesn't see us together then he'll change his mind later saying that we will have some kind of a relationship whether it's together or being parents so that's that.I'm so confused. I am just in shock that some other girl would disrespect me and our situation and even him disrespecting the mother of his child. I just need advice and opinions. I know I have to deal with him forever but why's he like this when I didn't do anything? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 April 2015):
 Just because a baby resulted from a one night stand does not mean that you and the baby's father are compatible, nor does it mean that you and the father have to be in a romantic relationship.
I don't know who the girl is that you claim is disrespecting you, or how she is doing that, but if she is the father's girlfriend maybe you are doing something that she feels threatens her relationship.
The father has acknowledged the baby. That fact alone is a big plus.
Now its time for you and him to start acting like adults. The two of you need to sit down and work out how to ensure this baby is going to be supported financially and emotionally for the next 18 years and more.
You need to work out custody, child support and access arrangements. This would probably be best done with a mediator, see if such a service is available to you.
I doubt you and the father will ever be a couple, mainly because you didn't take the time to get to know each other before having sex and creating this baby. Couples need to learn about each other, have mutual respect and share common dreams and goals.
You need to accept that. If you are going to have custody of the baby you need to decide how you are going to contribute to the baby's well being.
If there are no mediators available seek legal advise.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2015): He's treating you like this because he can. Men disrespect women they've dated, courted, married and built a partnership with. You have done none of those things with him. You took a chance, had a one night stand and now you have a child together.
For him to respect you you need to first respect yourself. Don't be too available for him. It seems like he is trying to be a father to your child and obviously you must remain on good terms, but don't expect anything more. He doesn't seem to be interested in dating you if the nearest you got to that was "sort of seeing him".
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 April 2015):
You say you didn't do anything, and in a small way you're right. Unfortunately in a big way you're wrong: you had a baby with a guy who want long term relationship material.
You guys aren't compatible. He knows it. I think you just need to move on and Terry to have a civil relationship as parents if your child, not lovers.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 April 2015):
 He doesn't get to control things. Having a baby does not warrant a full relationship but if you would not accept anything less than that you don't have to agree with him. He is calculating pros and cons. He wonder if it's better to pretend to be single or do the minimum to keep you there for him. Things such as having a home he could crash into, fall asleep and maybe have sex with him if he needs it. He figured if he just treats you like a baby mama he would not have access to those. Then he thinks that having a relationship like that would stop him from having girlfriends outside. There will also be drama and threats like you not letting him see his baby if you found out you have other girlfriends.
If he was your boyfriend then he did this to you, he's horrible. Right now he is not certain where this leads and what he wants to do with you. He's angry because his life has changed and his freedom is restricted. It takes two to make a baby so he's partly angry with himself. If you were taking birth control pills and a pregnancy still occurred then maybe he wouldn't be as angry.
Since he feels like he's forced into a situation and not in love with you, you should say to him let's not pretend and just get on with life but at least you should act as civil parents.
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