A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I made a bad mistake. I have been in the US for few years but don't know much about dating as I moved here with my ex husband.I got divorce 2 years ago and I have never dated here and no interest to do so even I get lots of attention. Here is the problem I has been seeing this quite guy in his 60s in a coffee shop when I was studying. He was chatting with me sometimes and sometimes just a Hi. Anyway I stopped going to that coffee shop as I graduated and got busy with my life and didn't see this guy for couple of yeras until 2 days ago. As he saw me he jumped and came to me and started talking and mentioned that he thought that I have left the US. After few minutes he asked me if he can have my number, stupid me gave my number as I didn't think of anything. This guy atleast is 20+ years older than me. Then he said he wants to invite me out which I said ok even I didn't want to, I though ok maybe like a friend. I freaked out as he called me at 10 pm tonight! He called twice, didn't talk at first then called again and asked me to go out Saturday night! I remembered my friend saying night means a date! So I said no I can't and even I didn't want to go at all at that point still was polite and said Lunch woudl be fine and not this comming week maybe later but he insisted on dinner! So I put myself in a bad position still don't know if he wants to be friend or he has plan to date me which I will run. What should I do? Did I give him a wrong message by accepting to give my number? I have freaked out, just saw he has found me on LinkedIn too. He didn't have my last name. What should I do? Please give some dating lessons here! Thank you.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 November 2016):
 It sounds like he does like you. If he insists on dinner again simply just saw No I would prefer lunch as dinner to me is a bit like a date and I don't want to give you the wrong idea.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 November 2016):
 Hm, him finding me on Linked-In when I hadn't told him my surname would ring alarm bells for me.
His expectations are his alone. You do not have to do what he expects or wants.
I would be inclined to make it very clear to him, in language he cannot fail to understand, that you are not interested in any sort of romantic relationship with him. You could say, "Look, I have had bad experiences in the past so I really need to make this clear up front. I have no desire for dating of any sort at the moment. I am happy to go out with you for a coffee or lunch, as friends, and I will of course pay for my own food. I do not feel comfortable going out for dinner. If that is not what you want, then I totally understand if you withdraw your offer and I will not hold this against you."
Good luck. Stay strong. Keep the meetings in public, don't drink too much and make sure someone knows where you are.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 November 2016):
 If you are not interested in dating him then you say that.
"Steve, I'm very flattered that you want to take me to dinner but I need to make it very clear that I am NOT interested in anything other than a casual friendship."
Every time he asks for dinner you say that. Then offer to MEET him for lunch at a very public place and do NOT let him pay for you.
You do not have to accept him on LinkedIn. In fact you do not have to take his calls or answer his emails etc.
You owe him nothing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2016):
 I think you should STICK to your gun and not go to dinner but keep it at a lunch OR meet for coffee. He can "insist" on dinner all he wants, just stick to lunch of THAT is what YOU are comfortable with.
He might WANT to date you, but that doesn't mean you HAVE to date him.
BE honest when he calls, tell him it's VERY nice of him to ask you out but that you are NOT looking to date anyone. If he is interested in being friends that's fine with you, but that is all you are interested in.
IF he doesn't respect that, BLOCK him.
Giving him your number doesn't mean you are now OBLIGATED to go out with him or anything else. And DO NOT think you HAVE TO be polite. IF you tell him I'm only interested in friendship and he keeps pushing, SPEAK up.
He does seem a bit pushy already so keep your eyes open.
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