A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HELP! Please. I 'm going on a second date with a guy, and I'm 22 and although I've kissed people in the past it's been a while since I've kissed someone - more than a year- ( let alone sex haha I think I'm a virgin again, no seriously, anything bigger than a finger is a struggle! Sex has always being painful and not enjoyable, not that I have tried it many times.) anyways, the guy started advancing for a kiss but I sort of gave him a look and he retreated and we said our goodbyes.It was not awkward because we started talking about other things like always ( we know each other for a while, but being on a date was the first time) but I know that he'll sort of think that i'm crazy if we go on a second date and nothing happens, because we flirted a lot in the past, and I look and talk as though I've been dating like there's no tomorrow (WRONG). IDK why I sort of let him assume so, I guess I'm ashamed that I have never been on a proper relationship. Last time I started overthinking, do i have bad breath, my head is in a weird angle i think we may knock our front teeth, what if i bite his tongue, what if i put too much tongue, or not enough, what if he doesn't get turned on, does that mean i'm a bad kisser? so many questions. and my heart was racing sooo fast i just know that it will be difficult to focus on just follow his lead( which i generally do the first time i kiss someone). help people, after it's been too long since you kissed someone is it kind of weird, like first time kissing? i just don't wish to mess this good thing we got going on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016): You are not weird for having thoughts that involve someone else, that is a trait of a very caring individual. As far as kissing is concerned and your ability to pull a good one off, regardless of our thoughts on the matter, touching lips is natural and being intimately close with someone is a phenomenon that is felt, always. Logistics and over thinking will not change how it feels for him, so please go with it and enjoy :) plus you can both get better at it together!If he likes you, a kiss wont change that fact. He may not even consider kissing as big a deal as you do, or better still, he may simply love your company regardless of how you kiss. If neither of you two explicitly spoke about making any kind of sexual advances on the second date, I wouldn't make assumptions about what has to happen. You can even set the tone by letting him know what you are and are not comfortable with. If he's a good guy, you'll both be sweet and things will work out fine. Who you are is the reason he wants to see you, not because of flirts, virginity, or past dates.My advice would be just to enjoy the time you two share together, and bring up the topic if it truly is worrying you, because I am willing to bet he will be well pleased to be discussing your lips. And never be ashamed of your romantic life or lack thereof. The right person is out there who will love you for all you are. I hope this is helpful. I had a similar experience not long ago, and I can tell you that the power of a kiss is a beautiful thing, no matter how it is received.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 November 2016):
 It will all come back to you. I guess you are a natural worries. Go with the flow, don't so anything you don't want to. Try starting with giving him a peck instead off a full blowing kiss and take it from there. If sex is painful you probably need to relax more and use more lubricant.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (22 November 2016):
I had a break of nearly six years from all sexual activity including kissing and I was worried that I might have "lost something" during that time but it was like riding a bicycle and it all came back to me when I needed it.
As N91 says, don't over-analyse it too much
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 November 2016):
 If you overanalyse it like you are doing then yes, it will be extremely weird and unnatural.
Kissing is just something you go with in the heat of the moment that's what can make it so passionate. Just relax, stop thinking about it and go with the flow.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 November 2016):
 Firstly, you're not a virgin again and I think sex may have been painful because you weren't aroused enough and needed more lube.
Secondly, you don't really want to use tongues or turn him on with the first few kisses. Just go with the flow and keep it to a peck, then maybe a peck that lasts a second or two. I don't advise using tongues until at least another date after the first kisses.
The more you stress, the worse it will be. Relax and let it happen naturally, without any expectations :)
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