A
female
age
41-50,
*acConvie
writes:Ok so I've known this guy for about year, everything was good. In the beginning he was like, he wasn't looking for a relationship ( not ready/stable I guess) and I was like "whatever" on the whole thing. If I got into one, I got into one, but I wasn't searching for a man. So, as it progressed, we both stated that we had an attraction for one another, and by this time, I was wanting a little more, maybe towards the last 2 months I was thinking of wanting more.I didn't tell him that, but he knew that I had started to have some sort of feelings for him. Anyway, We flirted a bit, but we were just "friends", we talked a little sexually a bit, however, we were still "friends." It was a very odd thing that was going on between us. There was never any force on my end. I probed him just a bit to see where his head was and that was about it. Later on, he saying things like "these are things that should only matter to the two people..." (it was a trust thing), he sorta tried to turn it around on me, but I let him know that I wasn't going for it. He'd say things like "you're the only person who can pick up my phone." and that talking to me is refreshing and that it makes him happier... yada yada yada and I'm like WTH??? You're confusing me! He asks me if I have other males that I speak with, blah blah blah...AND then just recently, maybe around the end of January, I get no phone calls for about 2 weeks and I'm like ok, well maybe he's busy, then I start to think, NO, if he can't just text a hello...Then around early Feb, still no call, so I "fake text" a friend and "accidentally" text him, FINALLY he responds and we have a really nice little chat! ok, that was Feb 10th. I call on 13th, only to learn his phone goes straight to voicemail and continues to do so ever since, BTW he uses his cell for his work, cuz I don't think he has a landline. So, this wasn't typical of his behavior (not calling, straight to voicemail etc...) so I text him a couple of times and I sent him a couple of emails because I was concerned. He finally responds to my email saying he's just "busy" with school, yada yada yada (who hasn't heard that one?) and that it's good to hear from me... By this time, I'm like what the hell is going on? In my email I explain to him that I was concerned about him (his well being), but I also mention that I feel like something is really off about all of this, of course he doesn't respond to ANY OF THAT, lol. So, my being confused, his fickleness, and feeling like I'm second fiddle to everything else. I told him in an email that, if he can't jet off a hello every once in a while, then it's safe to say that maybe he wants out of the friendship, that he either takes me for granted or just doesn't see our friendship as a priority and I said that if any of what I've said rings true, I told him to take care of himself, because I don't have the time nor the patience to deal with fickle friends, but that I'd leave my door open should he decide otherwise and that lately I'd been feeling as if this was going one-way instead of it being a two-way street.My question in all of this is WTH happened???? and did I do the right thing? Will distance make him realize his mistake of pulling away? He's a really great person, despite his ambivalence about things. IDK, I just want some feedback. BTW, we live in different states. I haven't heard from him since (19th)
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male
reader, nichiren +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Seems like he was attracted to you in the initial stages where the flirting and similar were going on.And then that attraction wore off.Several things are possible.He could have found a woman with whom he has more chemistry at present and is spending energy on her. He could be one of those few people that isnt really that social after an initial period. I know because I am like that. I only talk to or email my family like two-four times a month. And my friends understand how I am.He could actually have issues and is avoiding people in general until he works them out.Do what makes you most comfortable.And if its pulling away fully then so be it.
A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Yeah, I'd say let him go. It sounds like the friendship was there only because of a mutual attraction and flirting. maybe he realized you were wanting more and he just wasn't feeling that same way?
Either way, from what you said about him, he sounds a bit controlling. I think you're better off with out him if he's going to act like a child and ignore emails and calls.
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