A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I dated on and off for 2 years, never had a very positive relationship. It was started as her cheating on her boyfriend with me, and she started dating me. I was happy, and thought that she changed. She broke up with me (although I'll never know the truth, but thought she cheated on me with her now significant other) and was in a relationship fairly soon with someone who was a distant friend of mine (aquaintence) is a better way to put it. Me and my ex were in the same group of friends, so it made it very tough to be friends and in the same group because when we broke up, I didn't want to be around my ex and her bf. My ex got engaged, and about a year ago, she cheated on her boyfriend (who at the time was her fiance) and now her husband with me. There was no sex involved, but it was a night after drinks, we decided to talk and think that we could be friends. Long story short, she made passes at me, and I feel like I fell for the bait, and believed that she was unhappy, and thought it may have been a chance for us to get back together. Mind you, not a single person in the world would approve of it because we had a rough relationship. If i was in the right state of mind, I would have stopped it, but I wasn't. I feel like I now did something awful, like I was the one who cheated, and have been afraid for a year that this would come to the light of day, and I would be looked at so differently by my friends and lose some of them. I was single, not dating anyone at the time. She was engaged, and getting married. She's now married, and instead of not worrying about it, I feel like I have it hanging over my head and hate it. But at the same time, there are no feelings for my ex, and the last thing I want to do is create a scene to destroy a marriage. Is this just something I move on from? Forget? and stop worrying? Did I do something so horrific that is not forgivable, and should I feel this guilty? If she was going to tell her (now husband) this, would she have done it before the marriage? Looking back on it all, she was a friend before my girlfriend. We don't talk at all now, but I don't hate her or wish bad things upon her, I just hope she learned from it and doesn't do this again, and builds a happy marriage and lives a happy life.
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broke up, cheated on me, engaged, fiance, get back together, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 What you did wasn't good, but it wasn't horrific. The only person who can judge you on this is yourself, but you are sentencing yourself a bit hard. You were a single person like you said, but you know that even though you technically didn't do anything wrong, it felt wrong. This however is not something you should dwell on, but take as an experience in life that helps you grow. You now know a bit more about yourself and your limits, and you wont do it again. She however appears to lack a moral compass. But that is not your problem. That is her and her husbands problem.
Don't let HER problems become your problems.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 What you did was not so horrid. There are worse things and you know what you did was wrong. Find forgiveness in yourself, you have not yet destroyed a marriage. I cannot say that it is your place to reveal the truth to all, we can all only hope that she decides that the time has come for honesty. What you CAN do is your part to ensure she cannot betray her husband. If she tries anything with you, deny her. That is all you can do.
I hope that helps.
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