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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I need some serious help! My gf of 3 years broke up about 4 months ago. The problem is that I just can't get over on how she treated me in our relationship. The first 2 years were fine, but the last year that we moved in together was complete hell. She was always very insecure and would accuse me of being interested in other woman. She would go through my cell phone and my email with out my consent. I always had the strange feeling I should keep my cell phone under lock and key. It even got to the point where it became physical. At first it was her pushing and shoving then it became slapping and then ripping my clothes. One night after an argument I told her I'm going to a friends for the night to cool off, I came back the next morning to find a lot of my things in the garbage. I wasn't even allowed to mention a womans name either as an acquaintance or a coworker. Because if I did she would assume I'm dating them. She also seemed never happy with the amount of attention or love I did give her. It was if I was doing everything wrong. But I had always read tons of relationship books, but I guess that wasn't good enough. After one argument I packed up some things and left. While leaving the majority of my belongings in her apartment. 7 days later I call to see if we could talk and some other guy answers. He tells me that I'm "Done" and to come get my shit and leave. 4 months later he's still living there. On her facebook (I know I shouldn't check, try not too) she gives public displays of affection for him. Saying she loves him that he's her lover and her babe. She never ever did that with me. I keep wondering what in the world I did wrong in this relationship? I never had any woman treat me like that. I'm going to a counselor and her and her coworkers have all said my ex was abusive to me. They also gave me some materials online resources to read. One of them is thishttp://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content and view=article and id=171 My ex has 7-8 characteristics on that article. Am I such a bad guy? Is it possible I triggered her behavior? The only thing that I did that hurt her, was I tried leaving three times. Thanks all you Agony Aunts!!
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 You're welcome. Maybe they are, maybe it's for show. I personally believe that lots of public displays are a sign of trouble, maybe trouble to come. Solid relationships don't need such things. Then again, that's just my take on it. Best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks dirtball that does help. I see on my exs facebook all those things she saying to him and it all appearances it looks like they are in love. That hurts!! But your answer helped me. Thanks
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 November 2010):
There is always a possibility that you had some influence on her behavior but mostly her issues were hers alone. It's best not to dwell on this but learn from it instead. What would have helped you know where you stood? Better communication? More open discussion? Sharing thoughts and feelings more regularly? Not bottling things up?
Take those lessons into your future relationships and trust in yourself to not repeat the same mistakes. I wasn't that into my last GF but neither of us acted like your ex. Until you have evidence of anything else, trust that these issues belonged to her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think she was always cheating on me. She just was always very insecure. Towards the end of our relationship there was a lot of questioning of whether or not we were still an item. It could be that she hooked up with him during this time. That's the feeling I get anyways.
I'm just depressed because I think I caused the break down of our relationship. Some how. My one friend says that I wasn't overly into her. I was into her but not REALLY into her.
Plus too it would be nice to know the problem lies with her and she will do this again and again and again. Etc.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 November 2010):
Good poing Trac675, such accusals out of no where are often because of the accusing party's own guilt. They transfer it onto their partner. "I'm cheating so they must be too and I've got to find it!" She probably was cheating on you and that's why that behavior started.
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female
reader, Trac675 +, writes (29 November 2010):
 I have to agree with dirtball. Be happy she is gone. It sounds like she was cheating neways. Yes, it hurts, BAD, but unfortunately, in my opinion and personal experiences, "THE GUILTY ACCUSE". Dumb broad was lucky to have someone like you love her and at least TRY to fix the relationship. Now I am NOT an "expert" in relationships, as mine is all messed up atm, but I can very honestly say, I have NEVER and will NEVER cheat. It is morally wrong, married or not. I am very against it and there is NO forgiveness, NO exceptions.
You will find the woman you deserve.
GL to you :)
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 November 2010):
Those issues were hers and hers alone. Be glad she's out of your life. Most likely she'll flip out like this on her current boyfriend too. It's just a matter of time.
We actually have less influence on our partners thoughts and feelings than we like to think. If you had cheated, her behavior would have been understandable. Still not good, but at least explainable. Since she just did a 180, it's likely she has some serious other underlying issues.
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