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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I dated a guy for 4-5 months a while ago. After a lot of mess he ended it with me. He wasn't always nice to me, said bad things and made me feel bad about myself. But we had great chemistry in many ways, and I was very much in love, but everything was very complicated and he wanted it to be complicated as well. After he ended it he didnt contact me, not even to hear how I was. We met at a party 3-4 weeks after he ended it, and hooked up. I contacted him after the party and said I wanted to meet. We met and everything was great, we talked and had a good time. But he still didn't want to be with me. I gave up. I felt destroyed, and thought about him day and night and missed him, but i managed to not contact him. He didnt either. But about a month later he started to ask a lot about me to common friends. This lasted for 4 months, till he started dating another girl (wich he met first time a month after he ended it with me). Now I regret that I didnt contact him. What if he had regrets,and I had a chance to be with him. I was so weak at this time, and afraid that this was just a thing for him to check if I was still into him. I also thought that HE was the one to contact me after all happened and he hurted me really bad. The last time we met it ended with me crying and he walked away,so I guess I felt it was his shot after all.. I think he should have contacted me. Me and some common friends of him also arranged a party some months later, but he didnt come, so I guess this also is a sign that he wasnt interested. What to you think? Did I do anything wrong by not contacting him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (18 September 2011):
 Hi,You did the right thing not contacting him after all that has happened. I don't blame you for hooking up with him at the party, after all you were both a couple, recently ended, and I guess you both still had feelings for each other. Even though you both love each other, I guess he felt you were not meant to be together. It takes more than chemistry to be together. You said it yourself that you guys had a lot of problems, things were complicated? I know it's hard to let go, but accept the fact that for now you are not together anymore. He has moved on already, have a new girlfriend? I know you love him, but be strong, accept the truth, and find someone that can make you happy. You are young, have lots of friends...Don't think about him anymore, try to understand, what if? Did I? It's only make things more difficult to move on. Spend time with your friends, go out, have fun. If you need someone to talk about him, do so. Find a friend you can trust, pour your heart out, cry, do whatever it takes to let go of your pain. You deserve to have a time to grieve. Do it one time, after that don't think about him, talk about him, delete him from your phone, get rid of everything he gave you, memories, and move on. You got to be strong for yourself, because you have no choice here. Who knows, maybe in the future you guys can get back together? But, right now it's not the right time. As much as it was stressful for you the relationship, I guess he felt the same, so he ended, and have a new girlfriend. I hope you feel better soon, keep yourself busy, and when you least expected you will find someone that truly deserves you. Good luck
A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (18 September 2011):
 would you even have had contact if it were not for the party. Ditch this douche bag. If he didn't try to apologize or make contact before the party, then the party was just an easy hook up for him. Don't worry we all get fooled believe me I know but don't let him stay in your life. Tell him you wish him luck but he is not right for you and go no contact. and I mean NO CONTACT. you deserve better you just have to realize that
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 September 2011):
 You say this: "He wasn't always nice to me, said bad things and made me feel bad about myself".
How could not contacting him be wrong, why would you even consider inviting somebody like that back into your life?
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