A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I always believed my wife to be a very honest person. She would never steal, cheat, or otherwise be unethical. She works with large amounts of money as part of her job. I have never really caught her in a lie to me and we have been together 20 years. However, recently I have caught her telling lies to colleagues. What disturbs me most is that these seem to be situations where I can't understand her motivation for lying. Here is an example:This year she helped start a new company. She is the COO. Most of the rest of the people involved live near each other about 30 minutes drive from us. She hates having to make that drive down to them to do things like hand out checks. She feels that the CEO can do that just as well. The last time he asked her to do it, she lied and told him that she lost her cell phone (she did lose it, but she found it) and that she had a physical therapy appointment to go to. She has no medical conditions and never sees any therapist. To me that's a big lie, because now she is basically faking a medical condition. I have overheard her telling other lies. She has to take care of her nephew. She has to meet with another client. She is going to her sister's house (which has almost no cell phone coverage). In my mind, all she needs to say is the truth, which is that she's unavailable. She is going to get caught in one of these lies at some point and it will look bad. I also don't think she should get comfortable making a habit of lying.I really wish she wouldn't lie to these people all of the time. I am starting to question how truthful she is with me now. Should I confront her about it?
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (18 September 2011):
 Hi,It's silly. I don't think you should worry so much about her lies. I know, if she lies about little things? If she lies to her co-workers? What if, and why? From what you describe, I don't think she has an answer, to me she's just being lazy... Basically, what should I do those things if someone could? She doesn't want to drive, she feels since she has her title she doesn't need to do certain things, so instead of demanding, being honest, refusing, and not to make her look like she's using her title, she chooses to make silly excuses not to do so. You've been married to your wife 20 years, and knows her better than anybody. You know she's hard working, smart, honest, would never cheat or steal. You know her character, her morals well. I wouldn't worry so much. When it comes to work, there are certain rules, and sometimes you make nonsense excuses to not be responsible, why? Why not? Why do if someone is capable to do? I know it's silly, stupid.... I think she's just being lazy, not that I am accusing your wife of being lazy at work, but not going the extra mile when she knows she doesn't have to. I might be wrong here, but this is only my opinion. Best regards
A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (18 September 2011):
 She probably is only telling them to either spare feelings because she doesn't want to see someone or to get out of work. Everyone has pulled the sick excuse but if you think its increasing or spilling over into other areas, then talk to her about it. tell her it bothers you and why it bothers you. Maybe she has no idea its even a big deal. talk to her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): She's not lying to you. She doesn't want to do something someone else could easily do, but she doesn't want to dissapoint people by sayig she just doesn't want to, which would come off badly to many people, and not good to a CEO. What exactly is the problem here? She isn't hurting you.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 September 2011):
 The lies she is telling are not designed to defraud or take advantage of others. They are the only way she knows how to avoid being over extended without feeling guilty about letting anyone down. She seems to think that she must have a 'valid excuse' to say 'no'.
I would not 'confront' her at all, but I would support her in learning to be more assertive and developing new strategies. Perhaps she could enroll in an assertiveness training class or something else that would help build her confidence.
Wondering what lies she might be telling you is making HER problem about YOU. It isn't.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): yes, communication is 100% of a relationship, for better or worse, its better than regretting it later.
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